Forgiveness

I'm sorry.
I know I shouldn't do it.
It's a mistake I made.
I forgot you are not a tayl, that you are a confused taylo.
And I'm sorry I spoke that way.
I forgot that you aren't a hopeless solider.
You are better.
And I know that I should have say I'm sorry, but after all my, my well puffed ego controls me.

This is weird I shouted her.
Too much power, the piss is in my mind.
So, in most times it happens I would sink down, but now, I am in a better condition, I knew what stopped me all along, and it's means nothing to me right now.

I shouted on my sister-soul-mate-best-friend-forever.
And I didn't apologize, but at least she forgive me.
I should practice on saying sorry.
Like I should to say that I love people in their faces.

So movie night, yep, still in the making.
We doing this on next Friday, because we don't have school.
We got day off because the day before it we have a trip until 2 am.
Yay!
I feel the epicness in my blood.
Can you believe that 3 months ago I was miserable?
Next Friday my friends and I going to have a movie get-together.
And the only  problem is that, we haven't picked a movie yet.
I need to suggest some.
And we probably use one of the guys membership to get a movie.
And since I have an amazing dad, we have 2 TVs in the living room, with WII and Playstation 3 and XBOX 360.
Means that anyhow it will be a fun memory.
Even if an ambulance come.

I have strict rules.
And it's about the invitees.
Easy.
Who I like, in.
Who I don't, out.
My circle is in.
Pretty much everyone else, out.


So, today we had dancing (for another event) and I hate it.
Then we talked about The Triumph at math, and then back to dancing.
Popularity is under my feet.
But not as the devil soul way, in the way that people actually like you.
When you let the right ones in.
This kind of things I want to live daily.
Without falling in love, and without filling with hate.
Just being happy, and from time to time, to be negative, to respect and cherish as much as I can because soon Junior High is about to start and as well, all the rest will start their attempt to grow up.
So funny to watch them, just like a movie.

As well, our endless part about our hopeless child, trying to decide how she'll survive.

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
Are you for real?
Keren, it's impossible to be in everything.
There is a reason that in every movie the students are parted by their cliques.
Pick yours and stay away from the others.
Find the circle of trust.
You are lucky that you can attempt tries from getting in, but you never been invited, you are the kind of a friend like pity date or something to describe when people join you so you won't feel bad about yourself, Major Bitch done it to my friend, became his girlfriend for two goddamn days, then broke his heart, year after I broke his.
So I don't really like Keren.
Dragged, tayl, solider.
A dolly, maybe.
I need beside me a leader, a taylo and a king.
This why I have Maya ds, she fits to the spot.
So Keren, do you really want to pass your life trying to be with someone who don't want you? To try to force them to let you in.

So, Keren.
You too now? got this disease of "never-skinny-enough" from MB (major bitch), you not like her, you are better, you are innocence.
I know that your diet seems amazing.
Why won't it, no unhealthy snacks and no sweetened drinks.
At the start I've done it too, seems healthy at the start.
Then you see no change but in your imagination, that you gained.
So you'll decide to take a risk and cut with meals.
After a failing, you decide to really cut at food.
Not eating in school.
You won't see change, others will.
And if you won't stop yourself, you'll go down with anorexia, bulimia, and depression probably will drown you and drag you to the death.
This secret I'll keep for myself.
Maybe one day when I'll make a biography.

So Keren,
Oh, Keren.
Why can't you stop, open your eyes and see, see what's really happening, see who invites you in, and go for them, see who takes you out, and avoid them.
Now, when you'll be able to really open your barely working eyes, stay away.


And I'm sorry so being so self-centered on this Oh, Keren post, just came out this way.


Okay, I believe in Astrology, and today I've read about that I will say something I didn't meant to say and I should have not to.
And it happened!
It's scary,  you know.
But I like it, it's really nice.


So, what shell I say?
Depression has left me.
The only readable materiel is the Oh, Keren.
As I see it, people would prefer to be on their happiness and share their sadness.
So, You might come after a while and find me in tough times again, and meanwhile write about things I don't understand, things that I care about, everything.

I'm about to do something, not sure exactly what, but I will.
And I won't eat another piece of brownies with vanilla ice cream, or as I call it, heaven with chocolate.
So since I want to end this post so I won't forget to publish it later, you might read the next thing in Poison Extras.

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.