Get down (go frown)

Soon, today will become tomorrow.
And today was a very long day.

After nice day in school, we played black rabbit, it's a game that eveyone is closing their eyes and pointing their fingers, and some guys go and touch on some others and after all the first guys who stood and touched others let the one they;ve touched to guess who touched them, if they correct, they switch, if not, not.

Then, after school, I went surfing.
I was really opened and talked, and was free.

Then after few minutes to Keren (oh, goddamn with this flawless child!)
I still was a social butterfly.
And I had fun, I also talked to another male hotties factory of her family.
Well, I flirted but not creepy as MB or Maya ds.
I like to flirt, it's really easy, come close, look in the eyes, smile, laugh.
Then about at 10, we went to her pool with my epic bikini, and I looked like great figured human being.

Every wave was a perfect wave. 

Okay, my mom is the best when it's about destroying my perfect day. 

She calls me selfish. 

She's upset with my suicidal thoughts. 

But she's keeping making them pop in my mind. 

I want a knife, I can't see any good in my life. 

It scares me. 

I'm turning more and more to be like Jordan (the one from Instagram).

My heart. 

Oh, scars are sewn, doesn't means that there are no new ones. 

I'm sore from doing everything I'm expected to do an expected to be. 

What if I don't want to visit my aunt?

What if I don't want to go to a therapist?

What if I have wills?

What if I have needs?

What if I'm a human?

And when I thought its getting better. 

I knew something bad would happen. 

Can we fast-forward 'till go down In me?

I want to believe. 

I want to see. 

But I can't. 

Why does leaving home sounds so charming to me?

I swear, thinking leads for talking, talking leads for doing. 

And as it goes, I don't want to get beat up by my mother. 

I want to be like the cherry tree, in the beautiful cherry blossom. 

But stay forever with the fresh pink flowers. 

So, Keren. 

Oh, Keren.

Tell me, what do you think?

I'm jealous of course, flawless girl. 

Why an I the damaged?

I think that it's better for me to be apart from her, my destroyed soul dont want problems again.

Goodnight, I want to cry right now. 

And bleed. 

Berries, survivors, I hope you'll make it.