Vicious

What the fuck.
I can't get it down.
I swear she might have an amnesia mixed with everything that is alike.
Like what MB done is nothing, like she didn't avoided me for the past 3 months.

Nothing.
Blind like the rest.

And what have I thought?
She could change?
Why have I lied to myself?
Her soul is belonged to this devil long ago.
Now she is the slave of the demons.

Yes, I do speaking about Gal.
I know it's not so nice to talk this way about someone you love and in the same time, hate.
I know I want her friendship again.
But I'm better without her.
I'm stronger.
Happier.

I don't need her, not at all.
But I still want her.
Crazy.

I believe that she's trying to be with me.
I know how much she hates Maya, they like natural enemies, like I thought I was with Ido, the one who were a boyfriend of my friend in one field trip.
So, anyway, it's like magnets, both on north.
And I picked one north, yet I still have something that attract me to the other one.
Fuck it.
I'll just go along with life, destiny will guide me through.

Today, well, nice.
I accidentally put a leg for one of my teammates in soccer.
So embarrassing.
I ran away.
Showed my weakness.
I have no idea what they said later.
But it doesn't matter, right?

Later, after I ran away, I want talking with friends and some guy in my sister class, I like him, for a third grader, he gets what I'm dealing with.

Then we had pretty much nothing.
A break passed by.
And then at the fifth hour, Gal and MB gave to all the kids what they need to bring to the graduation party in math class.
Our teacher saw it too, she was upset.
They asked for too much.
She told them to change that.

I found it as an opportunity.
I asked Gal if I can help to change it.
She agreed and we went down to the computer room.
We fixed it and laughed together.
She spoke behind MB back, she hate her.
It's like on this movie "The Clique" where they said they would rather be popular and everyone hate you than being a friendless loser.
Well kind of the same.


We talked a little.
Worth it.

Might be a new start with self destruction.
My ending is the only thing that came out from this friendship.


So, at 6 I'm going to Keren, the psychologist.
I know it's not Monday, but, she had plans.

At the morning after I ran off, I wanted to write it to you.

Why I won't suicide when it's seems so right?
Why do I care so much from my parents.
It seems like the right thing to do, so why am I keeping my choice to the wrong?

I won't ever do it anyway, but it's better to think than tell, and tell is much better than do.

So, Keren.
Oh, Keren.
Tell me, what do you think?
If you only knew what I'm saying about you.
And if you knew, you might also knew that I'm sorry.
I shouldn't talk this way.
But, I'm sorry.
You are annoying as fuck.
Well actually, annoying as the clingy girls after sex.
That annoying.
So please tell me.
What are you?
An undefined doll.
Sorry for underestimating you.
You have guts.
You still a drag but with it, you became right now to for a certain taylo, like the ones who don't have any tayls.
Nice Keren, good luck next year, now I know you've got the material.
But still, something is missing so you're kind of incomplete.


So, I"m fucking tired from this psychologist.
I have this blog, where's the difference?
I'm talking about everything in here already, and it's not hard to guess who I like more.
Defiantly not humans who own their thoughts and have this annoying highness because they are about three times my age.


This why I understand hippies.
Fuck the system.
Fuck the society.
Give me music, give me food, give me something to laugh from.
I don't deserve it, but I like it.


So, since I'm going to have any possible notes about the people I know.
I'll make something similar to Cruel Intentions, the journal, with the information about all his hook ups.
I know, might become bitchy as the Burn Book, but I don't care.
It's mine, private.
I would do it in hand-write if I'd like, but online is so simple, though, it might become a trademark.
Braid and a leather notebook.
Well, may look amazing.
Start my middle school as the girl with the book.
Diary of secrets.
Chamber with words.

So, since I fucking hate to write (21st century generation!) I would probably do it in my iPhone, with springpad, or with other apps I downloaded to try this.
Probably with Springpad, it's just so comfy, well designed and so personalized.
You really do it, pick it, I think it's amazing.
And if I could I would use This Is Note, but it's expensive.
I totally adore it, but the lite version of 10 notes is just so limiting.
I would do about hundreds.
My class is 31 kids, minus me it's 30, it's impossible.


So, if one of you would like to see my secretive journal, comment and I'll add you.
Since you never comment, I have no reason to worry.
So, I'll work it when I'm supposed to sleep.
I know who I'll start with.
Keren.
It's obvious.
Who else is a start?
Well, everything on them would be there.
Positive, and mostly, negative.
Enough that one reads it and anarchy and chaos will begin.
Imagine, all the secrets, all the dirty facts about them.
This would be so creepy and evil.
Perfect!
Though, perfect is overrated.
But still, incredibly tempting.
I hope it would suit me, so I could be stronger, with a bitch side that all my attempts to raise has failed.
Good luck.



And as well, Charles (remember?) is sending you a kiss goodnight (or morning, or noon, or daylight) and I rather to send you a hug, because trust me, it works.



Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.