Movie

I feel old.
Like, really old.
I hear now a pop song from 1993, It's a good song, not what I call pop, it have soul, not a booty.
It's of an artist (that's how I call a solo person who makes art, which is music, awesome vandalism -graffiti-, and stuff that I can't remember), named, Björk, I actually hearing her debut album, I transfer the discs that I got to my laptop.

You know, I have a disc that hates me.
Seriously, when I want that it will transfer the second track, it pretty much says (if not, screams) "Fuck you!" and just freezing.
I guess I'll never hear Blue Millionaire.


God I'm so scared.
So today my mother cleaned the house, and I can't find now the razor!
You understand how terrified I am?!
What if she found it?
What if she threw it away?
WHAT IF I'LL BE FORCED TO GO INTO A HOSPITAL FOR MENTAL ILL CHILDREN?!
Or even worse, BE FORCED TO GO TO THE PSYCHOPATHIC PSYCHOLOGIST EVEN MORE?!

Oh fuck, she wants to go to a movie with me.
Just fucking kill me.
I remember the last time we went to the cinema together.
IT HAPPENED AFTER SHE DISCOVERED THE SECRET.
And it's probably not the best situation ever for me.


Okay, I actually considered right now to give that final use for the balcony.
I just hate her, so much,  that I feel that my life is the perfect price for leaving her.
I just want to murder myself.
I want to end it.
No more fake "hi"s and "bye"s to people.
No more the shy-embarrassed smile when somebody is cheering me/giving me a compliment, which make most people just really happy.
No more wearing clothes that is fitted for girls, that I actually hate.
No more being nice to family, and act polite.
No more hearing a recent pop music when I'm depressed, and instead of feeling better, I just get more sad.

Just, no more me.

I lose my appetite because of her.

I woke up today, my head is singing to me Don't You Worry Child and The Big Bang, and I was in the position I thought I left behind, being torn up, holding myself, trying to console myself, and other, on my ribs, trying to hold myself from falling apart.

I waited today for my food, losing the hunger by the seconds on the microwave, and just wishing that I had the razor right now.

Kill me.

I'm so fucked up.
A 12 year old!
I shouldn't hear songs that talk about this, or that, I should songs with provocative clothing, talking about smoking weed, drinking alcohol, and sex.
I shouldn't watch films and videos about mental illnesses and suicides on my free time, I should watch meaningless movies, chick flicks, stuff like that.
I shouldn't be disappointed when pop stars become slutty, I should be excited and follow their lead.
I shouldn't love to put my anger and feelings with sports, I should call a female buddy and talk to her for hours, or talk to my mother.
I shouldn't admire director's like Tim Burton, I should like one direction with all the bimbos.
I shouldn't dream about people who leave me and to wake up laughing (it's still an unsolved mystery), I should dream about dreamy people with abs or something.
I shouldn't lie to everybody, I should be honest with a sting for insults.

I shouldn't be and do many things, but I am.


I just hate this thing.
I feel like 5 different people.
The girly stupid female.
The macho man with the ideal idea about men with feelings (which is no for this macho).
The protester dude who is also a feminist, and will argue about everything.
The upset and mature husband that is secretly controlled by his wife.
And the 3 year old hyper boy.
I'm 80 percent a dude.



So now, about 4 hours past from

what I wrote, we went to see the new movie that terrified me in a different way.
The Mortal Instruments.
When Valentine came, I finally understood how seriously fucked up it is.
Incests, are wrong, in so many levels...
Like, COME ON!
Who is kissing their brother.
Actually,
WHO THE FUCK IS KISSING A GUY SHE JUST MET?!
I think that the only way it's possible it's in a party, and stuff like those.
And only now I get a bit sick, I want to throw up, I wore my eagle necklace (I think that because of it's size it's called a statement necklace but I'm no fashion doctor), and the bird that he made trust him, and it's dead, oh good.

So since I hate to tell what happened in a movie (unless I'm in the mood of being mean).
I just tell you three things.
What I wore (yes, the thing I used to do a very long while ago, about a year or so).
And the two awesome people who sat next to me.
And another rule we should live by.
First, the awesome thing.
Next to me, to females sat, Muslim I assume, they spoke Arabic, but sometimes I heard Russian, so, it's up to them what they speak, but they were funny, in the middle of the movie there was a song that didn't really matched the scene, so they started to dance to it.
I admire them.
Since I like to keep important things to the end, I wore as mentioned above the necklace, a plain white shirt (guy fit), my plastic handmade studded grey-black short jeans, and the new (untrusted) black hoodie.
I'm not sure if he deserves the name Hoodie, the last one meant a lot to me, bad experiences of course, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (literally), and at least they can start to fade a bit away, new hoodie, new year, new chapter.
And you can never trust a dude with many tattoos/ink/those things with the weird name, it's not worse as trusting a guy in a tunic (The Land Of The Lost), but still, do not trust him.

SHE HAVE THE FACE.
SHE HAVE THE FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESSION.
I'm talking about the older sister in Despicable Me 2, when she saw this dude at the mall, it was about third of my facial expression when I saw William, and the funny thing, that I don't accept this guy, his scarf isn't at the right blue with a shade of green that reminds a bit of midnight sky (I'm very specific with the small details), he wore some other color, and I don't like it.
Oh, at least he said cookie.
Cookies are good.
Actually,
COOKIES ARE GREAT.

You know, cupcakes are overrated, am I the only one who hates them?
They are so, spongy, it's like eating glued sand!
It's awful, and it's enough that the frosting is soft, but the inside too?!

At least the other side of sonic is here.
Not the hedgehog side, a little more old side, Sonic Youth, and actually, it's not the first time I'm hearing Karen Revisited, if you remember the music lessons that pretty much made me to write one of the worst songs ever (I won Rebbecca Black, and Jenna Rose, fuck you bitches, you can suck it, I can get the trophy).
So in the first video that showed, I noticed that there are flags, with his face.
I just want to know...
Where are the flags with my face?

Just kidding.

You know, it's probably the coolest thing ever to not be a royalty member.
You must be very polite.
I can't stand it.
If I can't sit in my comfortable position (which is pretty much everything but the normal one), I can fucking murder somebody.


You know, when I think about Alternative music, I think about very relaxed people.
It makes iTunes very relax, it's starting to slow down, maybe rest every now and than, he's just having fun with playing on my nerves, tearing them, breaking them, what ever he feels like.

I just started liking Tim Burton even more.
He did a music video...
With THE KILLERS!
I just love them!

Who can hate people that wrote a famous songs that can talk to you in both ways?

I'm tired.

I'll just watch a movie (I watched about 4 movies today).

Learn some stuff online (even if they don't matter, they will matter one day, and that's what matters).

Find who thinks that trousers and skirts are unnecessary and we should all wear panties, boxers, and thongs.

And you know what I hate?

The quote "Not every hero is wearing a cape".

Well...

Of course not!

Only the really awesome heroes wear them!

Which reminds me that now on the TV there is a Batman movies marathon.

And none of them was directed by Tim...

The cables should be ashamed.

Berries, Survivors,

I hope you'll make it.