Why do I have to use that stupid S word?!
Just kidding, I'm not censoring names, I just censor names and places...
But seriously, why do I have to say suicide?
Guess who was fake?
She was!
Oh, I can only blame myself, for lying to myself...
Well, I really like M&M girl fights.
The M's are for the name Maya.
Obivously...
Well, it's G that decided, and that wall was already cracking, after few atom bombs, it was already on the edge, I saw it for a while, but haven't said a thing...
Oh well, today I already showed the line that I have true friends, and she's not one..
Well, if you remember that fight I have with M&M last year, with DS, and the year before with BBBFF.
So, it's about time, and I'm gonna translate it to you...
"Doosh why are you leaving?" (about that I left that Whatsapp group)
"I'm sick of nagging and from getting pictures of you and MB" (I don't use MB with friends, obviously)
"Dvash why are you disgusting to me I haven't done a thing to you and it's not nice of you to talk like that""What have I done to you?!"
"Maya if you just want to fight in the whatssapp so it's better if you'll just explain to me tomorrow" (trying to stop it and try to actually talk to her)
"It's not nice that you leaving groups only because she's there, and Yali is my best friend and it's not nice" (In case you forgeot MB's name)
"And when you say it about Yali it's hurting me too" (the fuck I said??)
"Great Maya but I almost killed myself because of her!" (It supposed to be suicide but it's a better accurate translate)
"And if it bothers you so much so just ignore"
"I'm her friend and that's what I choose and I think it's not nice how you talk about her not nice I know your story and I want to stay your friend too but when you insult a girl that I'm her friend and it's not just that were best friends so I don't think you should talk near me about her like that" (my mind=blown)
"I haven't talked about her at all! I just left thte group and I do it all the time, sometimes I don't have the power for girl talks"
"Okay so you can leave the group and if it bothers you so much you can choose to ignore" (mind= even more blown)
"Maya stop... You know it's not the same thing, and I even don't talk about her, if you feel like fighting fight with yourself, if you'll go on like that, we won't be friends anymore..."
"I haven't said you didn't say nothing but sometimes you do and it bothers me and I'm not trying to fight"
"So why did you came up with it from the start?"
"Because I saw that you leave any group that Yali is in" (Not true, I'm still in the birthday party group for our friend and the old class one)
"I sometimes answer when people ask me why I'm not her friend that she was not a friend as she was supossed to be, I'm not giving details, I don't need attention and bully her..."
"And before you wrote that you don't want to see pictures with her" (mind=even more than just more than blown)
"And I think it's not nice"
"If you want ignore"
"Why do you care, you know what she have done to me, and you can understand how much it hurt me, but I think it's quite ovious that I don't have a reason to be nice to hear or not curse her, I picked to ignore, and when people ask me to talk about it, I do, I don't have power fr fights." (she can't understand, she wasn't even here back than)
"I'm not figting and I know that whole story I just ask that you won't do stories from little things" (obviously, self harm is a little thing, phew, I thought by my psychologist that it's quite big... Sarcasm)
"I haven't done a thing Maya, leaving a whatsapp group is nothing"
"I'm just saying that you said somethiung that hurt me and I don't want to fight I just say to you it's not nice so it won't happen so we could be friends..." (how it hurted her? how can she comapre? mind=mega-mind-blown)
"I haven't said a thing, and it's not you buissness what I think about her"
"It is because you say it near me" (Appearntly my brain and way of thinking it's her property!)
"And I said what I think"
"Maya, is it really you and not Yali?" (trying to understand if it's really her)
"Yes it's me Yali left"
"So that's it, we can't be friends anymore, you cleared it up for me, thanks..."
"Call"
"It's important"
*CALLING EXPLAINING AND SHE STILL DON'T GET IT!*
"So are we friends (heart heart)??"
"No"
"I just didn't got you right, we'll talk about it tomorrow"
"No maya, we're not going to talk"
"Why??"
"You can see it's not the same, you see that we can't like that, we can't be friends anymore, you go to Yali, you'll enjoy more, and I'll go to other friends, it's not that bad.."
"I want to be in contact with you"
"I just can't go on like that, sorry..."
"I didn't meant to start a fight and that I'm with Yali doesn't mean we don't nead to be in contact"
"Just that when I see her and I say her hi and go to her" (mostly when I'm around her, and then I leave, irrateted)
"Maya that's what I said, I decided, and that's how it is"
"Are we in a fight??" (You don't say...)
"I don't want to fight with you"
"We're not in a fight, we're not friends as well, we're just girls from the same class"
"Okay I want to be in contact with you and I unserstand that you decided that and I want to still be your friend (heart) and when you want I'll be here (heart)" (when have I heard that before... Oh right! right after I told her I harmed myself and she said so, and after a month she left me!)
"Maya, you know it's not true that you'll stay, you already told me it before, you stayed a month, and you left me for her, I don't have the power to that suffering again."
"What month???"
"Leave it Maya, I don't have the power, it's over."
"Whatever"
"And sorry it ended up this way"
My mind just became a really long ago memory, it exploded.
And she joined me right after to the group I left from the first place, as a respond I wrote "Are you fucking serious?!" and left.
Funny thing, right after I left that miserable dying relationship, I felt so free, like a bird out of cage, I started having weird "happy-calm" dance that was mostly with floaty movements and turning...
I don't ever dance!
It's fucking magic!
I had one of the best-worst days.
It started with that our science teacher haven't showed up, so some young dude came, he gave us some pages, and I finished it's super fast (I sit alone in science, nobody in my large desk, so I had no distractions), and when he asked what my name is (just to check up who is here or not), and I told him, and he asked me to say it slower, so I said Dvash, and my family name, contiuing it so he would know how it's spelled "like Abarbanel that mentall ill hospital", he laughed and told me I was cute.
Than, English, well, I still hate that subtitute teacher, Jack, he's quite annoying..
And than we had the usual gathering one, we usually go by the inner groups (we got our class divided and each educator takes one group), and we continued with the shirts and flags we make for that day with us getting closer to others or some other shit.
I unfollowed people on instagram, I kept only one depression themed, well, she's Israeli, so it matters.
And than we had the other divisioned sports (they combined the girls, and randomly put them in two groups), I was in aerobatics today!
I learned to do headstand!
I'm so fucking happy!
Ever since I was 4 people tried to teach me to do it, starting from my aerobatics teacher, to my dad, to my friends, back to my dad, and now I learned it, in the sports class!
So fucking amazing!
I just saw a commercial on the British MTV.
It was that LMFAO dude in the airport, and the baggage checker just pulled weird shit that dude packed, and he asked "anything else", LMFAO dude nods, and Miley Cyrus was packed in it!
I laughed so hard!
I incredibly hate Britian as well I hate America, from the fucking same reason.
CONCERTS.
Now Thirty Seconds to Mars is there!
They said they weren't going to Israel...
I really fucking hate it.
But it make sense...
After all, there aren't enough fans...
I just love MTV rocks, most of time they have British commercials with British accents.
I sometime open BBC only to hear British accent.
And I just heard a song named Skin and Bones, of The Avett Brothers.
I really liked how they matched the video to the lyrics!
Well, after my amazing handstand (not so amazing, but I'm so proud of myself!)
I had to go to that 1000 m race.
I got to the 44th place, not so good, but it's better than last (44 out of 90 is pretty good).
I don't carea about the punishment that probably will make me run it again, I'll practice more, it's not that bad...
I'm also over gultifying myeslf these days, I have a celiac check around a week from here, so it means that I eat pasta a lot.
It's not that bad, but I hope I don't have it, yet I do, because if when I'll stop I'll be able to finally get down from the 50 kg range, I'll be like that creepy overly smiling girls!
I just got a new guitar piece...
I still need to practice with the last two, somehow I got insecure playing the guitar, weird, but it happens sometimes...
I played "A Spanish Classical Piece" recorded by some Roy Romano or something, it's quite nicem I like it anyway, and I also did "Greensleeves", it's nice, but I'm still a bit stuck with few parts.
And now I'm playing a guitar part named "Romance" (or Romanca if you want), and I knew it was familiar, but I wasn't sure, so exactly when the guitar lesson finished, I had to check it, I put Romance (My Chemical Romance, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love), and guess what?
It was it!
I still can't stand that part...
I think that if my wrist and hand could talk they would say "stop doing it! stop!" because it's so damn painful with the 7th bridge and sitll putting the pinky on the eleventh!
I really can't understand my hand, it's so big, but not enough to be able to play normally with a calirinet or the higher tabs on guitar...
I got really pissed when people play it so fast, it's so unfair, they sound like the fucking European philharmony (I have a disc of them, I can hear expenxive classical instruments with opera singers), and well, I sound like a broken song machine from a 80's diner...
Well, I really hate running, I'm better at ball included sport games (but not besketball, I fucking hate besketball), soccer is great, handball (some game that were invented out of nowhere), volleyball, shit alike.
I don't mind getting risky when there's a ball.
Whenever I see a ball, It's like a friendly reminder, that your legs are probably the most bruised part of your body (the amounts of black and blue spots over my legs because I defended the gate and got through each ball bombing with my incredible legs), and that you already suffered the most in the legs, and that I can defend my head if I fall with my hands, I'm pretty much safe...
The most that can happen is that I'll break a limb, and it would be awesome, because they'll have to tell me my blood type!
I still think I'm some alien (I should become a holy saint or something in scientology), and because nobody could tell what it is, nobody tells it, and all the doctors and secret agents, and every fucking division want to hunt me and take down all my blood to test me when they'll discover!
Unless some supernatrual chinese mafia will try to do the same, and I'll have more supernatrual bitches to help be hidden, and I'll sacrifice myself with injecting soy sauce...
Or that Ii like Push too much...
Both options acceptable!
You know what I love on TV?
Keeping up with the Kradashians, just because they are so damn Los Angels, every single person there is so fucking excited, it can piss you off sometimes...
That's actually also how I see many fangirls...
But anyway, people sound this way.
Well, if you haven't noticed by now, I changed my background!
Now you can see better what I write...
And back to friendships, do you remember that I was worried about Gal?
Well... No longer!
She's happy, she's ditching (as usual), and she can go fuck herself with plenty of fake unicorns (that are actually sneaky monkeys), And guess what, I'm so free!
So, I missed doing that part!
Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it!
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