I really hate the time organization in this world.
Like it's not enough that I had school until three, I need to go to a kid's place at five, until seven or so.
It's a waste of time.
What does make Orit think it's okay to consume each second from our lives?
The school owns all the blame.
Today they changed it to Wake Me Up of avicii.
Why would you do that?
Do you think that our school isn't special enough?
Not motivating enough?
Just not enough?
I have a wild idea.
Let us wear what we want once a week or a month.
Let us loosen up.
For a minute let us be relieved from that tight noose on our necks, if you don't mind
...
I feel like a pig.
I ate so much.
And oh yeah, another reason to blame school.
The decided to have a breakfast.
It was like licking butter.
Ew.
And the worst?
I actually ate it.
I'm failing.
Am I blinding myself?
Because I can clearly see the image from last night, the shitload of fats on my stomach and thighs and arms and face and everywhere.
....
I got 78 at math.
I'm such a failure.
Oh I'm starting to feel it.
I hate it but it's good that it's coming out this way, the proper better way.
Emotion wave.
I'm just stupid.
So stupid.
I wish I could do something.
Something that will be able to explain how much it hurts right now.
It's like being stabbed.
I hate myself.
How great is it.
Another day that passes with feeling like shit.
...
Sorry it's so short.
But this is what you get from a failure.
I just need to eat more veggies.
To eat a little less gluten (the test results showed me that I don't have celiac, but it still can effect me), and less breads.
To avoid chocolate for a long time, because it ruins me.
And to drink, because I never do that enough.
And the only butters I can eat is home made from nuts and other stuff alike.
I won't see results within a day, but a month or so might show the start.
I have time.
I tried today the shorts.
I still need to suck in my stomach to close them (I almost always do it), and it felt slightly looser since the last time as I can remember it.
It's good.
Not as good as what I want to reach (which is losing a high amount of fats from my body, because I can see that my body is trying ot get them out, but I'm not helping, and I have super lean body beneath it), but good enough for the first while.
I'm going to sleep.
I hope the emotion will be left out in the dreams.
I still need to keep it a secret.
Hush.
And hugs, from me.
Maybe kisses if you'd like.
People don't seem to understand hugs.
There are small hugs of hello and goodbye and simple.
But there are my hugs, that I need, that comes in the right occasions.
Long meaningful hugs, where you collapse on my shoulders with chills in your spine and warmth in your heart, because you needed it for so long, you feel that I can understand you (but if you are around the teen age, nobody can understand you, not even yourself), and you trust me.
Well for the beginning.
Then I'll leave you with a slight idea of the reason, and you'll be filled with more self hatred.
Enjoy that feeling dear.
Check the skeletons you carry in you closet before you judge the monsters under my bed.
Like it's not enough that I had school until three, I need to go to a kid's place at five, until seven or so.
It's a waste of time.
What does make Orit think it's okay to consume each second from our lives?
The school owns all the blame.
Today they changed it to Wake Me Up of avicii.
Why would you do that?
Do you think that our school isn't special enough?
Not motivating enough?
Just not enough?
I have a wild idea.
Let us wear what we want once a week or a month.
Let us loosen up.
For a minute let us be relieved from that tight noose on our necks, if you don't mind
...
I feel like a pig.
I ate so much.
And oh yeah, another reason to blame school.
The decided to have a breakfast.
It was like licking butter.
Ew.
And the worst?
I actually ate it.
I'm failing.
Am I blinding myself?
Because I can clearly see the image from last night, the shitload of fats on my stomach and thighs and arms and face and everywhere.
....
I got 78 at math.
I'm such a failure.
Oh I'm starting to feel it.
I hate it but it's good that it's coming out this way, the proper better way.
Emotion wave.
I'm just stupid.
So stupid.
I wish I could do something.
Something that will be able to explain how much it hurts right now.
It's like being stabbed.
I hate myself.
How great is it.
Another day that passes with feeling like shit.
...
Sorry it's so short.
But this is what you get from a failure.
I just need to eat more veggies.
To eat a little less gluten (the test results showed me that I don't have celiac, but it still can effect me), and less breads.
To avoid chocolate for a long time, because it ruins me.
And to drink, because I never do that enough.
And the only butters I can eat is home made from nuts and other stuff alike.
I won't see results within a day, but a month or so might show the start.
I have time.
I tried today the shorts.
I still need to suck in my stomach to close them (I almost always do it), and it felt slightly looser since the last time as I can remember it.
It's good.
Not as good as what I want to reach (which is losing a high amount of fats from my body, because I can see that my body is trying ot get them out, but I'm not helping, and I have super lean body beneath it), but good enough for the first while.
I'm going to sleep.
I hope the emotion will be left out in the dreams.
I still need to keep it a secret.
Hush.
And hugs, from me.
Maybe kisses if you'd like.
People don't seem to understand hugs.
There are small hugs of hello and goodbye and simple.
But there are my hugs, that I need, that comes in the right occasions.
Long meaningful hugs, where you collapse on my shoulders with chills in your spine and warmth in your heart, because you needed it for so long, you feel that I can understand you (but if you are around the teen age, nobody can understand you, not even yourself), and you trust me.
Well for the beginning.
Then I'll leave you with a slight idea of the reason, and you'll be filled with more self hatred.
Enjoy that feeling dear.
Check the skeletons you carry in you closet before you judge the monsters under my bed.
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