This is our big day...
We made it!
Two years of blogging.
Tomorrow I'm going to cut my hair very short.
This is a very good day.
Everybody better not to interrupt my happiness.
I'm going to make delicious food.
Delicious food means Watermelon.
Okay, I found it, finally!
I just went through hiprer on Youtube because from some reason the upper left keyboard gets mixed all the time.
R-E-W, you will never know who will come.
But here it is.
It's Saturday Night Live's sketch for the Black Month, February, now instead of only hearing quotes form JHC I can also remember lyrics to 28 Reasons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHXwY1_n_cY
...
Well, this year, was...
Interesting?
I made a girl to become a zombie.
I made a girl to rebuild her life.
I made friends with bonespos and thinspos and fitspos and fatspos, who fueled my weird craving for having something wrong to be solved.
I went hard on the ED idea this year.
I learned to create a small piece of electronic music at home.
.....
Okay.
I think I said I'll watch Suicide room on this date.
Or I said that I would last month?
For the year anniversary of lies?
All I remember is that I should watch Thirteen in six days.
Because in six days it's my thirteenth birthday, it seems ironic to do that, so why won't I?
Well, I'll watch it.
I might find insparation in suicidal Polish people, and remember that in few years I'll visit Poland, only to pretend I feel depressed, and suppress happiness so I'll respect the Jews who died.
From some reason, I'm not that against killing a large amount of people, though, if you'd like me to agree and say it's not that bad, you must leave few.
Why?
There are too many people that are alive.
All I want to say, is that countries without a satisfying amount of new generations, you should let people come and live in your country.
But you may be picky.
I support it.
I think the world needs a one big reboot.
It's getting boring and tight in here, too many to not care about.
And thanks to the mechanical revolution, soon, many workers won't be necessary anymore.
Soon, full countries will remain empty, their citizens are worthless, they aren't smart enough, or rich enough, they'll never survive, and that's it, they are dead in no time, imagine it.
From 7 billiard people, to 6, too many useless died.
HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT?!
FUCK.
THERE'S A PHOTO OF SYLVIA IN THE BEGINNING AFTER "KADR" IS ON, THAT'S SO WEIRD, I NEVER NOTICED IT.
IT'S SO SHORT.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
I'm stopping the movie every two seconds.
But there's a suggested playlist called Gay Movies.
Random rude-guy themed question, is Twilight in?
Forget about that.
I'm just trying to get into the mood that I like to watch movies in.
Stopping again.
I got two things to say.
First, did you know that on the first time I watched this movie I thought that the opera guy was the star, and he was a corpse (he's pale, thin, and he closes his eyes and stays still, what else am I supposed to think?), and I'm going to hear people mourning about him, but he started singing, and then I got confused?
Second, we are so weird.
We admire art that comes from a piece in our throat, that helps us communicate.
Some people's muscles of communication are so great that it's their job to work them up, and people buy records of them.
That's a really fucked up way to describe the vocal part of music....
I'm sorry, weird question, but why does people like to wear those eyebrow piercings?
Am I the only one who thinks that they look weird?
It's pretty much after being exposed to those abominations, pierce here, pierce their, let's make our faces like a strainer, yolo.
I fucking hate them.
Many of them bleach their hair, and smoke (happy lung cancer, see you in the Oncology ward next year?), and they usually have tanned girlfriends, that arequite chubby, but they'll go with belly button rings and crop tops and shorts anyway.
Those are the worst kind.
I fucking hate them.
Oh, I forgot for a minute that I'm okay with an incredibly detailed gore, great with seeing myself bleeding, but I'm just not able to look other's cuts.
HE CALLED HIM "MY PRINCE".
HOW DID I MISS THAT.
My Zuko and Sky powers just forgot to get off or something?
Zuko- Avatar.
Sky- Winx.
I think I know other princes, but I can't remember them.
Wait....
That guy from Narnia, what's his name....
Caspian?
Yeah, Caspian.
But I never got too attached to his character.
I guess I'm just working with ones who got really weird girlfriends (Mai, Bloom).
Hey!
Who taught you to behave this way?
I'm not fucking kidding.
This shit is expensive.
It's a skateboard, not air, you can't just throw it on people.
I'd be pissed off if somebody will answer me with "maybe", it's one thing when I do it, but it's a whole another when a person does that to you.
It's worse than my movie.
I'm not fucking kidding.
FUCK.
IT'S JUDO.
NOT FUCKING FUN.
I learned for three years judo.
Every few months I asked my parents to move me to another place, I was tired from hurting a buy or two my size because they were forced to.
Guys hate to be beaten off by a girl.
And it meant I was stuck with a white belt, and when I got me permission to get the white-purple one, my parents never bought it, so my teacher gave me a masking tape to put on my belt.
That was fucking humilating.
It's very sad that I remember all of those stuff.
Oh, it's from 2011.
Kind of explains the news there, with Kristen Stewart, and Robert Pattinson, Marylin Manson.
I'm sorry, since when are you alowwed to wear your suit like this?
I used to wear tightly.
Okay, not the right Alex.
I'm frustrated with this name.
Why?
Alex's hair.
It's a fucking mystery, how the fuck am I supposed to know on who is the hair is based on?
Fuck you Sims 3.
I'm serious, how open can you possibly leave.
The eighth grade females on practice are more dressed than you (you can actually see their fat thighs and non flat stomachs, that's revolting), and girls who sext are usually more dressed than you.
Fuck, the guys who dressed up like strippers this year are more dressed than you!
Fuck, this video chatting scene.
Somewhere, deep inside, I expected Jeff or Slender, or at least the Ronald McDonald zombie clown, or Pewdiepie.
Razors are my friends when I'm actually tearing apart, and when I'm hairy....
Each person and it's friends...
But I'm serious, being anxious for over a month, even when it's a tiny cut, it's awful, "What if they'll see?" I hate it.
That's probably just me being in my movie mood better.
Sylvia is trying to lick her wound and such the blood from it (I understand her so much, my blood is so sweet sometimes, it's wonderful), and all I can think about is that she'll never be able to lick her elbow.
I wonder how the uck do you get a scar like that?
Did they try to claw your eye out?
It kinds of looks like Michael's wrist after his friend just buried her nails in his skin.
I can tell you that I asked him about it, I started to freak out, and that's pretty sad that my intuition says "cut" before "nail marks".
This movie made me thing.
Why can't I make suicidal people feel for a second, a bit of joy.
Why does Gal hate me?
Why am I admiring the ones I'll never be.
Why am I desperate to get antidepressants like gal, and to add up my own, ensure to drink everyday.
I miss her.
And it hurts more than it should.
I should be wishing for her to get the courage to commit suicide, her and her filthy ex-friend, Yali (MB is too respectful and my thing to do, I shall not hold grudge or feel anger at all times), but no.
I want her to be better.
I want her to photograph my thinness.
I want her, to sing, again, just once, for me.
I loved her voice, she always sounded so beautiful to me.
No matter what, she had the voice of an angel.
And all I want from her, is to be good again.
To feel good again.
Until then, I got a road to 40, and if I'll dare, 30.
Just like Yael.
Yael weighs 30 kg.
Daniela weighs 40.
Daniel weighs 38.
I guess I got some weight to lose, don't I?
I need to be like Yael, I want that the size that fits to 5 year olds will fit me.
Just like her.
But if thinking about it.
No.
I want it to not be able to get up on me, because my sharp hipbones won't let it happen.
I like the drunk guy's suicide.
I'd rather Russian Roulette when it comes to that.
But, it's acceptable.
I like the fact that men never have many formal fashionably accepted options.
But women got plenty.
"I'm gay".
Now, let me tell you something about it.
Not every gay person is nice.
Not every gay person is bullied.
Not every gay person is *insert stereotype about homosexuals here*.
It's not such a big deal.
Black hair is funny..
Why can't I have black hair...
Straight black hair.
Am I the only one who thinks that it'll be amusing if every homosexual person will have curly/wavy hair.
They are obviously not straight in their head, so why would they be straight outside their head?
"Will you wear make up now?"
Let me tell you something about it.
Not everybody looks good with make up.
Some does, some doesn't.
Axl!
That was the name.
I knew he had those sounds in the name, but it was hard to build it up.
Now, Axl on his everyday life is more dressed than you.
Fuck, why am I thinking his body is beautiful, the ribcage? The thin legs?
What the actual fuck.
"Show me your lips".
Today, mine bled again.
They always bleed anyway, I just don't bother.
The blood always tastes great.
Why does everybody has this milestone of changing the way you look.
Seriously, this is annoying.
No, you are not a terrorist.
Terrorists are the ones that are currently in prison, and their freedom is depends on the peace between Israel and Palestine.
I always forget how much I'm afraid of guns.
I know how to shoot one (I was nine, and I was awesome), but still, to touch them.
But that's after the trauma of almost killing myself.
Don't let me touch black guns.
Ever again.
Dye them blue.
I'm upset.
Everybody is tall.
I'm a fucking fun-size in front of everybody.
Fun to laugh at.
Why does everybody have a hoodie with stripes.
Am I the only one with really basic closet?
I need some more plain zipper-less hoodies, I need something to wear anyway.
A question.
Not related much by the movie.
Am I developing an OCD behavior?
I constantly think I have dirt or something around my mouth in public, and I rub around it all the time.
Like a murderer?
Being a murderer is all fun and dead bodies until it goes to masks, and spirits created by art.
Murderers alone are are fun until you become an immortal, that lives in pure pain, and have a bleeding wound, that will remain forever, and you'll get more, if you just step outside.
That was weird.
As I watch the movie.
I felt that the lower part of my thighs (the base, I'm just sitting in a weird position) was touching, and when I picked up my computer.
I saw my thighs, completely apart.
It felt so real!
Oh dear, don't cry.
You know what they say...
Boys don't cry.
Fuck, his suicide attempt.
I just can't take my head of Tyler, stupid Tyler.
Dead Man's Hill.
A great pasta, I wonder if it happens.
Fuck!
I got a better pasta to share.
The Bloodkeeper.
"Why don't you look at me?"
Now that is the kind of things that Daniela does!
When she was younger, she would just close her eyes when a person she hated talked to her or passed by.
Bones...
So beautiful.
So pure.
...
I wonder why it is so quiet in here.
Never a comment.
Only the numbers go up...
They creep up slowly, reaching numbers, higher and higher.
But what is this warped communication?
Why can you hear me, but I can't hear you?
I yearn for the day that you will finally answer.
When you'll prove yourself.
I want you to be alive.
I want you to keep me away from the madness.
Please...
Talk to me.
...
Done.
I'm done.
But what can I say.
I feel hollow.
For two years, I spoke to nothing.
I gave out my secrets.
But, no proof of actual life.
I'm putting on a note.
I'll remind you my words each time you come here.
You must talk.
I'll soon start to become like John.
Please...
I beg you, be Herbert.
Save me from madness.
I'm desperate for a living person.
I'll go mad.
I don't want to be.
I can feel that weird pain in the back of my mouth.
I used to have it before I cry.
But I shall not cry or feel anger.
I shall be numb or happy or wishful.
I shall become positive or nothing at all.
....
I want a friend.
It's strange.
I'm surrounded by friends, and my life is great.
But I feel like I'm just for emergencies.
If they want somebody to talk to deeply they'll talk to their real friends.
I'm here when they have nothing to do.
But I better off this way.
If I'll live again like I used to, it's just a matter of time until I die again, and I don't want to die, death is awful.
Funny, Awful is exactly my 2400th word.
My fingernails smell like pomegranate beer and dry white wine.
I love the scent of it.
I want to do something.
I want you to talk, just once.
Please, just don't make me feel insane.
Just once.
When I'll see a comment, the note will dissapear, and I'll be soothed.
We made it!
Two years of blogging.
Tomorrow I'm going to cut my hair very short.
This is a very good day.
Everybody better not to interrupt my happiness.
I'm going to make delicious food.
Delicious food means Watermelon.
Okay, I found it, finally!
I just went through hiprer on Youtube because from some reason the upper left keyboard gets mixed all the time.
R-E-W, you will never know who will come.
But here it is.
It's Saturday Night Live's sketch for the Black Month, February, now instead of only hearing quotes form JHC I can also remember lyrics to 28 Reasons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHXwY1_n_cY
...
Well, this year, was...
Interesting?
I made a girl to become a zombie.
I made a girl to rebuild her life.
I made friends with bonespos and thinspos and fitspos and fatspos, who fueled my weird craving for having something wrong to be solved.
I went hard on the ED idea this year.
I learned to create a small piece of electronic music at home.
.....
Okay.
I think I said I'll watch Suicide room on this date.
Or I said that I would last month?
For the year anniversary of lies?
All I remember is that I should watch Thirteen in six days.
Because in six days it's my thirteenth birthday, it seems ironic to do that, so why won't I?
Well, I'll watch it.
I might find insparation in suicidal Polish people, and remember that in few years I'll visit Poland, only to pretend I feel depressed, and suppress happiness so I'll respect the Jews who died.
From some reason, I'm not that against killing a large amount of people, though, if you'd like me to agree and say it's not that bad, you must leave few.
Why?
There are too many people that are alive.
All I want to say, is that countries without a satisfying amount of new generations, you should let people come and live in your country.
But you may be picky.
I support it.
I think the world needs a one big reboot.
It's getting boring and tight in here, too many to not care about.
And thanks to the mechanical revolution, soon, many workers won't be necessary anymore.
Soon, full countries will remain empty, their citizens are worthless, they aren't smart enough, or rich enough, they'll never survive, and that's it, they are dead in no time, imagine it.
From 7 billiard people, to 6, too many useless died.
HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT?!
FUCK.
THERE'S A PHOTO OF SYLVIA IN THE BEGINNING AFTER "KADR" IS ON, THAT'S SO WEIRD, I NEVER NOTICED IT.
IT'S SO SHORT.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
I'm stopping the movie every two seconds.
But there's a suggested playlist called Gay Movies.
Random rude-guy themed question, is Twilight in?
Forget about that.
I'm just trying to get into the mood that I like to watch movies in.
Stopping again.
I got two things to say.
First, did you know that on the first time I watched this movie I thought that the opera guy was the star, and he was a corpse (he's pale, thin, and he closes his eyes and stays still, what else am I supposed to think?), and I'm going to hear people mourning about him, but he started singing, and then I got confused?
Second, we are so weird.
We admire art that comes from a piece in our throat, that helps us communicate.
Some people's muscles of communication are so great that it's their job to work them up, and people buy records of them.
That's a really fucked up way to describe the vocal part of music....
I'm sorry, weird question, but why does people like to wear those eyebrow piercings?
Am I the only one who thinks that they look weird?
It's pretty much after being exposed to those abominations, pierce here, pierce their, let's make our faces like a strainer, yolo.
I fucking hate them.
Many of them bleach their hair, and smoke (happy lung cancer, see you in the Oncology ward next year?), and they usually have tanned girlfriends, that are
Those are the worst kind.
I fucking hate them.
Oh, I forgot for a minute that I'm okay with an incredibly detailed gore, great with seeing myself bleeding, but I'm just not able to look other's cuts.
HE CALLED HIM "MY PRINCE".
HOW DID I MISS THAT.
My Zuko and Sky powers just forgot to get off or something?
Zuko- Avatar.
Sky- Winx.
I think I know other princes, but I can't remember them.
Wait....
That guy from Narnia, what's his name....
Caspian?
Yeah, Caspian.
But I never got too attached to his character.
I guess I'm just working with ones who got really weird girlfriends (Mai, Bloom).
Hey!
Who taught you to behave this way?
I'm not fucking kidding.
This shit is expensive.
It's a skateboard, not air, you can't just throw it on people.
I'd be pissed off if somebody will answer me with "maybe", it's one thing when I do it, but it's a whole another when a person does that to you.
It's worse than my movie.
I'm not fucking kidding.
FUCK.
IT'S JUDO.
NOT FUCKING FUN.
I learned for three years judo.
Every few months I asked my parents to move me to another place, I was tired from hurting a buy or two my size because they were forced to.
Guys hate to be beaten off by a girl.
And it meant I was stuck with a white belt, and when I got me permission to get the white-purple one, my parents never bought it, so my teacher gave me a masking tape to put on my belt.
That was fucking humilating.
It's very sad that I remember all of those stuff.
Oh, it's from 2011.
Kind of explains the news there, with Kristen Stewart, and Robert Pattinson, Marylin Manson.
I'm sorry, since when are you alowwed to wear your suit like this?
I used to wear tightly.
Okay, not the right Alex.
I'm frustrated with this name.
Why?
Alex's hair.
It's a fucking mystery, how the fuck am I supposed to know on who is the hair is based on?
Fuck you Sims 3.
I'm serious, how open can you possibly leave.
The eighth grade females on practice are more dressed than you (you can actually see their fat thighs and non flat stomachs, that's revolting), and girls who sext are usually more dressed than you.
Fuck, the guys who dressed up like strippers this year are more dressed than you!
Fuck, this video chatting scene.
Somewhere, deep inside, I expected Jeff or Slender, or at least the Ronald McDonald zombie clown, or Pewdiepie.
Razors are my friends when I'm actually tearing apart, and when I'm hairy....
Each person and it's friends...
But I'm serious, being anxious for over a month, even when it's a tiny cut, it's awful, "What if they'll see?" I hate it.
That's probably just me being in my movie mood better.
Sylvia is trying to lick her wound and such the blood from it (I understand her so much, my blood is so sweet sometimes, it's wonderful), and all I can think about is that she'll never be able to lick her elbow.
I wonder how the uck do you get a scar like that?
Did they try to claw your eye out?
It kinds of looks like Michael's wrist after his friend just buried her nails in his skin.
I can tell you that I asked him about it, I started to freak out, and that's pretty sad that my intuition says "cut" before "nail marks".
This movie made me thing.
Why can't I make suicidal people feel for a second, a bit of joy.
Why does Gal hate me?
Why am I admiring the ones I'll never be.
Why am I desperate to get antidepressants like gal, and to add up my own, ensure to drink everyday.
I miss her.
And it hurts more than it should.
I should be wishing for her to get the courage to commit suicide, her and her filthy ex-friend, Yali (MB is too respectful and my thing to do, I shall not hold grudge or feel anger at all times), but no.
I want her to be better.
I want her to photograph my thinness.
I want her, to sing, again, just once, for me.
I loved her voice, she always sounded so beautiful to me.
No matter what, she had the voice of an angel.
And all I want from her, is to be good again.
To feel good again.
Until then, I got a road to 40, and if I'll dare, 30.
Just like Yael.
Yael weighs 30 kg.
Daniela weighs 40.
Daniel weighs 38.
I guess I got some weight to lose, don't I?
I need to be like Yael, I want that the size that fits to 5 year olds will fit me.
Just like her.
But if thinking about it.
No.
I want it to not be able to get up on me, because my sharp hipbones won't let it happen.
I like the drunk guy's suicide.
I'd rather Russian Roulette when it comes to that.
But, it's acceptable.
I like the fact that men never have many formal fashionably accepted options.
But women got plenty.
"I'm gay".
Now, let me tell you something about it.
Not every gay person is nice.
Not every gay person is bullied.
Not every gay person is *insert stereotype about homosexuals here*.
It's not such a big deal.
Black hair is funny..
Why can't I have black hair...
Straight black hair.
Am I the only one who thinks that it'll be amusing if every homosexual person will have curly/wavy hair.
They are obviously not straight in their head, so why would they be straight outside their head?
"Will you wear make up now?"
Let me tell you something about it.
Not everybody looks good with make up.
Some does, some doesn't.
Axl!
That was the name.
I knew he had those sounds in the name, but it was hard to build it up.
Now, Axl on his everyday life is more dressed than you.
Fuck, why am I thinking his body is beautiful, the ribcage? The thin legs?
What the actual fuck.
"Show me your lips".
Today, mine bled again.
They always bleed anyway, I just don't bother.
The blood always tastes great.
Why does everybody has this milestone of changing the way you look.
Seriously, this is annoying.
No, you are not a terrorist.
Terrorists are the ones that are currently in prison, and their freedom is depends on the peace between Israel and Palestine.
I always forget how much I'm afraid of guns.
I know how to shoot one (I was nine, and I was awesome), but still, to touch them.
But that's after the trauma of almost killing myself.
Don't let me touch black guns.
Ever again.
Dye them blue.
I'm upset.
Everybody is tall.
I'm a fucking fun-size in front of everybody.
Fun to laugh at.
Why does everybody have a hoodie with stripes.
Am I the only one with really basic closet?
I need some more plain zipper-less hoodies, I need something to wear anyway.
A question.
Not related much by the movie.
Am I developing an OCD behavior?
I constantly think I have dirt or something around my mouth in public, and I rub around it all the time.
Like a murderer?
Being a murderer is all fun and dead bodies until it goes to masks, and spirits created by art.
Murderers alone are are fun until you become an immortal, that lives in pure pain, and have a bleeding wound, that will remain forever, and you'll get more, if you just step outside.
That was weird.
As I watch the movie.
I felt that the lower part of my thighs (the base, I'm just sitting in a weird position) was touching, and when I picked up my computer.
I saw my thighs, completely apart.
It felt so real!
Oh dear, don't cry.
You know what they say...
Boys don't cry.
Fuck, his suicide attempt.
I just can't take my head of Tyler, stupid Tyler.
Dead Man's Hill.
A great pasta, I wonder if it happens.
Fuck!
I got a better pasta to share.
The Bloodkeeper.
"Why don't you look at me?"
Now that is the kind of things that Daniela does!
When she was younger, she would just close her eyes when a person she hated talked to her or passed by.
Bones...
So beautiful.
So pure.
...
I wonder why it is so quiet in here.
Never a comment.
Only the numbers go up...
They creep up slowly, reaching numbers, higher and higher.
But what is this warped communication?
Why can you hear me, but I can't hear you?
I yearn for the day that you will finally answer.
When you'll prove yourself.
I want you to be alive.
I want you to keep me away from the madness.
Please...
Talk to me.
...
Done.
I'm done.
But what can I say.
I feel hollow.
For two years, I spoke to nothing.
I gave out my secrets.
But, no proof of actual life.
I'm putting on a note.
I'll remind you my words each time you come here.
You must talk.
I'll soon start to become like John.
Please...
I beg you, be Herbert.
Save me from madness.
I'm desperate for a living person.
I'll go mad.
I don't want to be.
I can feel that weird pain in the back of my mouth.
I used to have it before I cry.
But I shall not cry or feel anger.
I shall be numb or happy or wishful.
I shall become positive or nothing at all.
....
I want a friend.
It's strange.
I'm surrounded by friends, and my life is great.
But I feel like I'm just for emergencies.
If they want somebody to talk to deeply they'll talk to their real friends.
I'm here when they have nothing to do.
But I better off this way.
If I'll live again like I used to, it's just a matter of time until I die again, and I don't want to die, death is awful.
Funny, Awful is exactly my 2400th word.
My fingernails smell like pomegranate beer and dry white wine.
I love the scent of it.
I want to do something.
I want you to talk, just once.
Please, just don't make me feel insane.
Just once.
When I'll see a comment, the note will dissapear, and I'll be soothed.
No comments:
Post a Comment