I went through the pageviews statistics, I saw that we had a visitor from Lithuania!
At first, I had no idea where it is, so I googled it, it didn't help, because I never heard about this land on English, so I went through the language options in the side until I reached to Hebrew and hovered above the link, just to see the name of the page on Hebrew.
I knew this place, I also know that the Jewish Lithuanian community is a large part from my city's community.
I'm desperate for homeschooling, it seems so perfect to me.
I am already what the education department in the government wants me to be.
In the program they aim for:
Giving wide-scaled education in multiple subjects (my favorites are religion, cultures, psychology, certain countries, math, and history and the everyday life in there, down to details, not explaining how it'd look like and minor explanations).
Increasing the relationship for the nation and the country (I despise many things in here, but just like everybody in Israel, love this place).
Making a reading person (I am one, I dare you to question me!)
Making better values and to support to community.
Closing gaps in the basal skills (managed to did so since I was 6, to be honest, they had to close them to reach me, not the opposite).
Increasing the value of the thinking, and a lot of stuff, mostly Hebrew, it's too long and unfitted for translation, sorry.
Long story short, if there was a test about those, I would score.
I am confident when it comes to education, I never prepare to tests, I know that everything that I need to know came from the teacher's mouth, and all I need is to remember, and understand, which I don't have problems with.
Well, today I'm going to therapy (I think) and to school (I know).
I don't want to go to school, I just suffer there, I have to see people there, and I find myself constantly clenching my hand, digging my nails and fingers to my palms' flesh.
Well, maybe not nails, at least it's accurate for today, because I've cut them today, I just couldn't play normally the guitar yesterday, they were too long!
If I won't be such a chicken (it's more modest than saying pussy, isn't it?) I might tell Keren, the psychologist, about it.
I think she might help me getting there.
After all, it's her job to solve my problems, and if I suggest a solution (even if it includes something that people would call "isolation" but it might help me, because I won't be alone, I still have afternoon activities to pick, right?).
I'm walking to school, dread is theonly feeling that I have towards it.
It started... Well, I don't know, but I know that it's here for quite a while, and it built itself up.
I hate it.
From one side, I want to leave this family, because, well, I'm thirteen, you understand why!
And from the other, I have no intention to keep on going to school, the program there simply doesn't fit me, and I know that I can provide myself a better learning.
I'd rathar be homeschooled, with mostly learning online and for the library.
And when I say homeschooled I mean, being a free spirit that learns through curiousity and basic subjects, like, math (especially the insane and fun side of it), and English (which I practice on daily basis), and Arabic (which is where I need to be tutored by an adult), I'd also do some normal learning, like, online courses, I know there's one of math, but I'd also read the bibles, the Jewish one, and straight afterwards, the Christian one (that's smaller, way smaller), and then the Muslim one, the Quran, because I think everybody should know that.
I finished the test on science and there are just more 6 periods.
Optimism extreme.
I asked my mother if I can talk to her about school today, she said of course, I said "not 'of course' at all, it's about if I can move go home schooling." she asked if I have material about it, I answered that I have and she said okay.
....
It's six twenty four in the afternoon.
Twenty five now.
I'm sitting on a couple of chairs that are piled up together, I'm waiting for Brit to finish the interview with the other girl.
Now it's four minutes to seven, I'm going to fart rainbows.
Maybe it's the fact that I made sure to eat sugar before I come to the interview, so I'd be more loose, and maybe it's the fact that she said that my English is good, and maybe it's because tomorrow she'll say if I'm in or out, and maybe it's that EPIC fact that we're going to the SZIGET.
I went through the bands that are in there, and looked for a band that I have/had on my phone.
I almost choked on my salvia when I say Palma Violets.
I really hope I'm in, at some point I thought I spoke to quickly because I WAS SO DAMN EXCITED.
I ALMOST WROTE ADDICTED INSTEAD OF EXCITED.
I AM THAT EXCITED.
Guys you have no idea how much it'd mean to me if I'm in!
Wow, I can't bear the thought of "what if not".
I'd cry a little, and I might also die a little on the inside.
I told her that I always wanted to go to those tours, and I was like that squirrel vine when it eats some nut and a person talks on the background as he was the squirrel.
Oh! I love The Amazing Atheist.
"Teens Are Idiots".
I agree... Most of the time.
Some are incredibly dumb, some are brilliant.
Actually, the fact that teenagers (I prefer the shorted version of teens) are doing all kinds of things that they aren't supposed to do, is mostly for fucking learning for the education system's sake, because they need it more than any god.
You put them in a fucking education system, that proved thousand times how failing it is, and you just put them with the unrealistic "average student" pace, and it's or you're way ahead, or you're way behind.
That's another reason why I want to have a mix of homeschooling-unschooling-offschooling sort of thing.
Another things that fits the list of the weird experiences of me being correct, when I was a third grader, I finally put the sentence of "School's material is great, the way that the school is teaching it is awful" and made it a fact, I learned that by myself, just like that I learned about the fact that parents lie to you about how pretty your drawing is. I learned that when I was 5.
....
I showed my mother the Education department policy about home schooling.
She said that she'll talk about it with my father, and she mentioned that a couple of her friends tried to get the permitting file, and were denied, so they left Israel with their kids.
If they won't permit it, I'd probably feel awful for a long while, and I'd go crazy, I might skip school, and I'd probably isolate myself, because I simply can't take it anymore.
I need more options for learning, and the million fuck ups made by the shitty "ministry of education" (what a title for a pathetic excuse for attempting to save the system) won't let me do so.
I can't stand school, school sucks at teaching, it's pretty much blank information without option for expanding the knowledge, and in between there are bullies, and mental breakdowns, and a lot of pain.
I just don't fit schools, and I don't think that it's possible for me to go on with the stupid program.
I want to cry.
I'm preparing myself for disappointment right now, I plan to just cry in bed, and to disagree to leave my bed, and I'd just stay in there, writing a damn journal, because I'd probably be punished for not going to school, and after a while some social worker will come by and will try to understand why the fuck I'm not going to school, and I'd stay there, begging them all to just let me be.
I feel the frustration, pain of the shards of my broken dreams, all of it, the whirlwind of mixed feelings, and numbing myself, so I'll be able to ignore the outside.
Hmmmf... Maybe I'd work extra hard on my ed behaviors, so they'll understand that I simply can't be this way.
Wow, I fucking hate those preparations, those are better than seeing my world shatters (again) when I'm at the worst, it's better to prepare before it's there.
Well, it's ten pm, goodnight you lovely people.
I'll tell you about everything tomorrow's evening.
Pinky promise.
Just kidding, I always broke those, but you know that I'm here anyway, so whatever.
Now it's four minutes to seven, I'm going to fart rainbows.
Maybe it's the fact that I made sure to eat sugar before I come to the interview, so I'd be more loose, and maybe it's the fact that she said that my English is good, and maybe it's because tomorrow she'll say if I'm in or out, and maybe it's that EPIC fact that we're going to the SZIGET.
I went through the bands that are in there, and looked for a band that I have/had on my phone.
I almost choked on my salvia when I say Palma Violets.
I really hope I'm in, at some point I thought I spoke to quickly because I WAS SO DAMN EXCITED.
I ALMOST WROTE ADDICTED INSTEAD OF EXCITED.
I AM THAT EXCITED.
Guys you have no idea how much it'd mean to me if I'm in!
Wow, I can't bear the thought of "what if not".
I'd cry a little, and I might also die a little on the inside.
I told her that I always wanted to go to those tours, and I was like that squirrel vine when it eats some nut and a person talks on the background as he was the squirrel.
Oh! I love The Amazing Atheist.
"Teens Are Idiots".
I agree... Most of the time.
Some are incredibly dumb, some are brilliant.
Actually, the fact that teenagers (I prefer the shorted version of teens) are doing all kinds of things that they aren't supposed to do, is mostly for fucking learning for the education system's sake, because they need it more than any god.
You put them in a fucking education system, that proved thousand times how failing it is, and you just put them with the unrealistic "average student" pace, and it's or you're way ahead, or you're way behind.
That's another reason why I want to have a mix of homeschooling-unschooling-offschooling sort of thing.
Another things that fits the list of the weird experiences of me being correct, when I was a third grader, I finally put the sentence of "School's material is great, the way that the school is teaching it is awful" and made it a fact, I learned that by myself, just like that I learned about the fact that parents lie to you about how pretty your drawing is. I learned that when I was 5.
....
I showed my mother the Education department policy about home schooling.
She said that she'll talk about it with my father, and she mentioned that a couple of her friends tried to get the permitting file, and were denied, so they left Israel with their kids.
If they won't permit it, I'd probably feel awful for a long while, and I'd go crazy, I might skip school, and I'd probably isolate myself, because I simply can't take it anymore.
I need more options for learning, and the million fuck ups made by the shitty "ministry of education" (what a title for a pathetic excuse for attempting to save the system) won't let me do so.
I can't stand school, school sucks at teaching, it's pretty much blank information without option for expanding the knowledge, and in between there are bullies, and mental breakdowns, and a lot of pain.
I just don't fit schools, and I don't think that it's possible for me to go on with the stupid program.
I want to cry.
I'm preparing myself for disappointment right now, I plan to just cry in bed, and to disagree to leave my bed, and I'd just stay in there, writing a damn journal, because I'd probably be punished for not going to school, and after a while some social worker will come by and will try to understand why the fuck I'm not going to school, and I'd stay there, begging them all to just let me be.
I feel the frustration, pain of the shards of my broken dreams, all of it, the whirlwind of mixed feelings, and numbing myself, so I'll be able to ignore the outside.
Hmmmf... Maybe I'd work extra hard on my ed behaviors, so they'll understand that I simply can't be this way.
Wow, I fucking hate those preparations, those are better than seeing my world shatters (again) when I'm at the worst, it's better to prepare before it's there.
Well, it's ten pm, goodnight you lovely people.
I'll tell you about everything tomorrow's evening.
Pinky promise.
Just kidding, I always broke those, but you know that I'm here anyway, so whatever.
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