Friends.

It's six am, I woke up early especially for you.

I missed it, having this blog to put my time into, to have at least one place where it's "safe", where I can actually go to.

Okay, quick random thought, the clip of Helena started, and I started thinking about, where are christians buried in Israel [that's actually a good question], and I know that there's a rather large christian community at the north, near Haifa, at Nazareth [obvious spot name is obvious].
But it's not really helpful, because they won't be buried in Jewish cemeteries, even not just outside of them.

Outside of them are usually the Jews who committed suicide and Kadisha [burial Jewish company, really expensive] found out.

That's also why the suicide rates in Israel are so fucking inaccurate, there's a large percent of people that their family wanted them to be buried like everybody else, inside the cemetery.

Oh, I'm probably going to look out the whole event.
I'm going as a part of a sport class duty to honour the eleven people who died in Munich.

Because, it's a friendly reminder that if you're an athlete and from Israel, you can die! Sorry, it's true, but seriously it's a good thing to do, and I said a true thing.

Okay, why I'm number two, I just hanged out with Yael and Shira on the jumping mattress, and they just got out of their "fight" [they don't know how to fight, and they are best friends and I allowed myself to forget everything, you know, being so happy can be a curse sometimes.] and Yael sort of begged Shira [I can't use any other word for this "thing" they did] to be with her in the next two pairings.

Which was slightly rude, because I sat there, obviously hearing and seeing them.

It reminded me plenty of stuff.

Like that I'm always the second choice, and it was my choice to be it.

So I'm not really allowed to be that irritated by it, because I made it be this way, and that's my fault, but still, it stings.

I remember I said to myself that I want to be that one close friend, that is just out of being titled as a "close friend".

I need to leave now for school.

I'm back from school.

Today was nice.

Well, sort of.

It's quite weird for me to know what to exactly do.

I'm really confused. About what?  About everything! I know that it's normal during puberty, and that's how it always were, always is, and will always be.

I just don't know what to do, I'm not used to these weird happy and hyper highs, everything happens so fast, and it's exhausting! I mean, I just lose myself in that storm.

I just want to end it soon.

I wish that I'd have the option to just go to school, study, do my duty as a student, and just finish.

Would it kill others to understand?

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my social status.

From one side, I feel like I have no need in friends, as I don't gain anything, and it fucking sucks from time to time.
But from the other side... I... I don't have one.

Maybe I should just get rid of relationships.

Socially isolate myself, why not? I may just as well stop being a functioning...

I just have this teeny-tiny, microscopical problem.

It's ram.

I love this place.

A vacation from the everyday strain of school.

These schools for the gifted. We [or they, I have no idea] are called this way, because it's a fucking gift to get some rest.

I also somewhat want to stay in the Cabria, but I might leave.

Good night, I'd continue tomorrow.