Home.

I'm at home, of course.
I was at home yesterday as well, but I just couldn't write properly, and I'm sorry about that.
The week I went through was hell [basically two days of severe panic attacks, lack of appetite, crying all the time.] But the hell that I'd go through seems just as bad.


I'm sorry, I can't post when I have zero privacy or comfort.
I fucking miss porn.
I missed you too, and I missed plenty of other things [like showering alone, or sleeping in my bed.] but I really need some pleasure, and it has to be that specific pleasure of the body.
I am listening to "Can You Feel My Heart" by Bring Me the Horizon, and I thought about one thing, today, at Ram [how exciting!] Tal [G] told us to do something, to just feel our pulse and try to focus on it, usually you feel your whole body, feeling your heart beating and then a wave of the blood through your body.
It didn't happen to me today, but it happened before.
I used to just feel my body vibrating along to my heartbeat, it feels interesting.

You know, I miss the easiness of harming myself, it's like being at some nice sphere of safety where I can properly damage that one who have hurt so many.