I drag behind.

A post I wrote the entire day just vanished.
Oh well, I'll just sum it up shortly in one paragraph.

Tomorrow there's school; I dread it and I want to cry and cut.
My mother asks me if I'm okay; I lie because I don't want to disappoint her or worry my father.
I have no reason to cut; I want to cut again.
My life is  perfect, and basically everything right now is perfect; I want to die.
I want to die; I can't allow myself to cause them pain.
I want to get better; I'm afraid to talk about it.
I want to tell my mother now that nothing has been okay; I don't want her to not sleep well.
I want to tell my mother tomorrow morning that nothing has been okay; I don't want her to think I'm playing around to avoid school.
I want my mother to see my healing wounds and see that I need help; I don't want her to force this help on me.
I want to get rid of Keren who just made everything worse and I only taught myself that nobody would care for me so I need to take care of myself at the time; I don't want to get back to the psychiatrist who have had enough from the emo scene of 2008.

I'm sorry that it's so short, but this is what you get.

I'm sorry.
I don't know if I'd be able to pull through.