Better then chocolate

Blood is like my secret chocolate.
It's twice reliving.
The problem it's when I'm on period and then it's so painful to get blood so I eat chocolate.
I want do something important.
Stupid being young.

I'm really empty today.

I need to decided about the clip I'll made.
I know it will tell my story.
I know the place.
I know the equipment.
I don't know how I'll tell it.
It's really hard to me.

I am fat.
Seriously.
My stomach is huge.
I'm cutting with chocolate.
I'll stop eat tons of unhealthy food.
Serious no-counting diet.
It's one think to be a broken toy but it's whole other thing to be fat ugly broken toy.
I don't care.
Diet is the option.
I can punish myself and put some acetone in the half-healed scars and praise myself with something.
I don't really care what I am going to.
Staying like this is not an option.
If loss in weight causes cool temperature, I don't mind, freezing is great.

I wanna grow old with you,
I wanna die lying in your arms,
I wanna grow old with you,
I wanna be looking in your eyes,
I wanna be there for you,

I feel weird.
So weird.

Sometimes I wonder if something matter happen soon because I feel like I just wasting my days. Like I'm missing something.
Just few things keeps me alive and it's the strings.
I need to do something.
First a diet. After being skinny and healthy and happy everything better.
Then I'll think.
Diet is what I need.
I look fat for bikini.
I have to be skinny enough for my mom let me wear leggings next year.


I WANT TO FIND EVERY WAY TO DIE AND DO IT, BUT STAY ALIVE EVERY TIME AGAIN TO SHOW LIFE WHAT IS LIFE.