Hi.

I wonder why those days are getting worse.
My mask is better.
People getting to know me... At least the masked one.
And I do what I like.

Does it too much?
I can't live with those days.
I don't know why.

On winter I'm likely to get in depression.
Every year it happens since the change.
It happen and the cure it's weather.

But now...
WHAT NOW?
I hate this life.
I hate the life i'm living.
I hate that I can't suicide.
Because I'm afraid, and because I know somehow I'll miss this life, and I know that I'll miss something.

And I hate the new me!
I hate this freaking child I've became!
I hate she masks every single thing.
I hate she lies and can't stop with it.
I hate she do all the wrong things.
I hate she don't get what will happen.
I hate her.

But, one problem.
I can't murder someone just because I hate him.
I should die.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if one day I'll read a comment on video and see comment says "go die" or something alike.
But I can't.
People who don't actually live can't die.
Simple math.

And I'm so sorry if you're like me or I affect you.
Another reason to hate me.
And I let everyone hate me.
Because like if you love yourself then everyone can love you, just... Opposite.
Nobody likes me.
Nobody but loneliness.

And I wonder why me, like I know my life aren't perfect, no one does.
But so many other deserve it.

I know now why I picked to hang out and have only guy-friends.
Because, the girls I mate make me be sure that all the girls are cruel.
And I picked the gender that seemed perfect to me.
But I knew that if I want boyfriend it's better to don't ruin all the relationships with my best friends so I had to change.

WORST MISTAKE EVER.

I just want to say.
There is hope.
Like in Pandora's box where under the whole terrible things where fragile winged hope.
And one day this fragile hope come to you and light your day.

I miss him.
And I miss love.