Flashback

Wow.
What's just happened?

I woke up, knew it will be an awful day.
After wearing gym clothes, the only kind of pants I like to wear, and some shirt.
I got up, and went to school.
And guess what, pain in my life is a must.
Guess who became best friends, my enemies.
They came few minutes after me, talking to everyone like nothing happened.
Like I'm not exist.
Not like, but exactly it.
I'm not exist.

So it started this way, from Hebrew (it's super hard, to remember everything!) and to math when I did my geometry test, I couldn't really be focused.
And then break.
I wasn't with Maya, she was with major bitch [captain whore, admiral sha (sha in Chinese is to kill)].
I was with Key, and it's good she's here, without her I would break down, apart, and the wind will blow away the scraps.

Then English.
Most of time, I laugh at the start of the first two hours.
But today at the ending of the second.
This much.
And it wasn't that there we're no jokes.
I didn't felt like laughing is the right thing to do, like it's not true.

I came home, though I have my goddamn period, I went surfing, and Maya got her period too, she used tampon, I didn't.
For my huge enormous luck, I didn't make a red aura around me.
It was better.
Like a day in a rising.

Then I came home.
Ate ice cream.
Nice.

Then I got a text.
From Maya.
She came from Germany!
I missed her so much.
And I'm supposed to see her tomorrow, I want that she'll go to the mall with me.
A nice thing to do for once.
An escape.

So, now.
I'm in my room.
Having my personal mind monologues.
Lost it all played.
And then I thought quite a lot.
And when I thought enough.
I figured that Gal stepped away since I told her about it, this secret.
Giving me what people who are popular -or think they are- give to the common people, to the lower humans.
She let me survived by myself, left me to die alone.
When she didn't need me, she left me, I was useless.
I became for her a broken human, extra work to fix.

I hear now Stay (stay awake, untitled, or how I call it, stay alive), and I wonder, if I'll ever save someone.
And I wonder, if someone really have the same thoughts as me, to bleed, to cry, to scream, to die.

I want to show you a picture I found.
The scariest.
The one that shows my past.
Marked.

Then I lost it all...

This photo took long ago.
When everything came.
Look how many.
I know that if I counted them all at the time, it was more then hundred.
For sure.
One time I counted seventy.
Yes, seventy.

It's craziness.
No wonder why she stepped away.
She's not a true friend, not completable for psychos.


I barely breathing.

I remeber everything in my life.
And I never thought that this is how I'll throw my 12th birthday.
I thought I'll made a huge party, and I'll be happy.
I hate parties, so I asked for making small thing, like going to NY.
And I'm miserable.

I don't consider my story as awful.
I consider it hard, because I'm staying alive, it's awful.
To keep breathing, heart beating, mind giving it all out, slipping away, as I say that I'm okay, lying, dying, lost in a world, silent, not able to say a word.

My mom told me something half funny half sad.
Yali's sister was at the park, my mum said hi to her.
Then my -epic- mum told to her friends, all the other mothers, about the story.
And major bitch's sister was shocked.
Like, wow.
The other mothers started crying.

Do you know those lines saying that the worst thing it's to say your mother crying?
I saw mine.
And I cried myself.
I'm actually crying right now.


I'll always ask myself if you are the same.
But never get an answer.
I know that you a little like me, you are lazy.


Well, since this post will go to another piece in the huge blogger system.
What can I lose?


If I'll ever get famous, I'd ask from a make up arist to make me look like another person and I'll start to ask people about me, while I'm in the other mask.
Then after I'll stop asking, I'll take off the mask, and say hi.
And film it all.
I'm that awesome.

And if you'll get famous, do it.
I'm going to make another doll.
I'm in love with it.
I want to make a colletion.
Berry dolls.

I'll make one when my nails dry.
I made Gir ones, with the cute green dog outift and the creepy shiny cold robot.

Goodbye my loves.


Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.