Barbie Breaker

Oh, I had a terrible terrible day, at least I have this lovely guy friend, that always can come up with something that always brighten my day.
The day started and I enjoyed the 3d max session, was much better, but in the second, I barely understood, I just made the forest sector from Code Lyoko (my crappy barely working Unity version of it):

"XANA has activated a tower!"
My version of the tower in the Forest Sector.

So, let's get back to the terrible terrible day, my mom went fucking insane.

She hit my brother, and punished my sister while my sister said that what's my mum doing is wrong.

Well, fuck you mom, I don't even respect you enough to call you a mother, you doesn't deserve this name.

To call you a mother is an insult for mothers around the world.

I still miss school, the routine of staying away from the ones who will stay for a very long time in the eternity that the future offer, I don't want to stay in home.

I don't like it here.

I wish that I could just get into a place for orphans, or some kid shelter, and live with kids around my age.

But I won't, because if I will, I will insult all the other children, and I won't have a way to communicate with you, you are pretty much one of the biggest reasons I'm staying alive.

You are, and because I know where the pain goes after suicide, and how much it's edge cutting, because you do have a future, and you do have a choice, and you do understand my plan, and who knows, we might ran up each other, and we all live together as a group (you are more than ten I assume, so we can get some big apartment, and live, just like in Step Up), so if you'll ever see me (when I'll be around 22-23 or something, communicate, because we might have a better place).

Today in Instagram, I saw something, from some reason that I barely remember, I found myself in the cuts hastag, and I almost bursted in tears, I was shocked, disappointed, and sad.

I was shocked from the depth, it's like they shoved a chainsaw in their wrists, disappointed about the amount and the girl that wrote about her fading scars that she wants them back, and sad, because of the fact, that it's real, it's too many, and everyone there digging another piece of ground, to set their coffin, to the grave.

By the way coffin and grave, I won't ever be in a coffin.

It's a Jewish thing, it's like in the bible (I don't remember it good but it's my attempt for it) "From ashes you made, and to ashes you'll fade" -rhyming making everything enchant for me-.

And in the Druze, they bury and forget where they buried him, they don't even making it big as the Jewish (not even talking about you, creepy Christians) and it's because that the soul is moving for another Druze human, there is incredible stories, it's like the bible, there is not scientific fact that it happened, but it did, so fuck you and your science, because our beliefs just happened, deal with it.

Okay, since I assume that most of you Christians, and barely few Jewish and Arabic (high five you two!), so after seeing TV, music videos (yes, Helena does count as a funeral for me!), and some other things, let me tell you what I understood:

You wear only black and the ridiculous black veil from a stupid British tea-time hat (that reminds me more like the ones that you can buy in Eurodisney -I have Jack Skelington one!-).

You wear crosses (because of course that Jesus will do something, the man is fucking dead, it won't save him).

And you make a huge ceremony, with tons of speeches and stuff like that.

Well dear Christians, your funeral is fucking messed up.

By the way that the guy is dead and he won't save him, if you heard about the Messiah, that will save us all.

You'd probably didn't missed the fact that all the dead will become alive again.

And he'll come on white donkey, I think that if all the dead will become alive, you can make it a unicorn so it will fart rainbows that smell like cinnamon pie.

But only I understood, that in the moment he'll came, a huge war will begin, because a fucking zombie apocalypse will begin?!

At least you can play Black Ops 2 zombies, and practice a little, and watch The Shine of The Dead (or the parody, The Shawn of The Dead).

So my day was terrible, and thanks to the saving email from this guy (Y, the one who used to be called in names like gay, homo, fag, tomgirl and other shit because he could sing and act well), he always write fanpics and things alike (small chapters, and scenarios) about The Hunger Games, he really likes the books, and it's incredibly written, I really enjoy it, and it always make me smile, and feel better.

Something really epic happened to me, thanks to my sister!

SHE WANTS TO LEARN TO PLAY THE DRUMS.

Guys,dreams actually come true!

After she said it I asked with a smile on my face "Really?!" and she said yeah, and I said that the band that I'm hearing right now have a brothers in it I heard something by Pierce The Veil, and I was excited.

You know something, if I need to pick an instrument I know to play on and hate it, I'd say it's the Clarinet.

I know a little on the Piano thanks to Y and two other friends.

And I also know the Guitar -you already know it-.

And the Clarinet, it's an instrument with such a small amount of options.

I saw rock on a piano (the first time I've heard about it was from one of my friends, that he told me that people asked him if he'll play in some rock parade or something, -and god now I see that my 9 year old imagination just became a video clip of Welcome To The Black Parade, just that I imagined it at night because he told me it at 8 or something when we and some friends went to a basketball practice of a famous team-), and I saw violin (the girl from YouTube and a photo from Facebook), but a fucking Clarinet, it sucks, I hate it.

I've learned it for a year when I was 9-10, and at the end of the year I said to my parents that I want to learn  to play the guitar, so I got one, the full sized because I could -almost- fit to it, and somehow I grew to it, and after two years I can strum well, and every song I can.

The Fur Elise (you all know this music), and passing through the common Smoke On The Water that everyone who asked to learn something on the guitar from his friend knows, and finishing with The Most Evolved and Stay Away From My Friends.

I'm hearing now Stomach Tied In Knots, I didn't picked it, I think the shuffling can make nothing but better for me.

I wonder how many times in the future I will cry when I'll hear this song.

Something awfully and magnificent is in (or on?) my iPhone, it's quite shocking (word game!).

I get electrified whenever I touch the metal when It's charged, I can put it on my lip and get a scar, a delicious burnt skin tasted.

I like the tasted of damaged skin, especially burnt one, it's like all the joy in the pain.

If I could use the funny gas they used in the beginning of Thirteen when they couldn't feel their mouth area, and I could burn a little my lip, and I won't feel it, so whenever the gas affection will end I could lick it and enjoy that delicious pain.

Yes, I am watching again Thirteen, and I don't really know why (to you to remember they are on the 7th grade and they are coming there 13, in Israel you come to the 7th grade when you are 12), and I guess that I'm afraid or confused from the fact that it's what 7 graders do, and if it'll happen to my school.
At least one thing for sure, somebody will need balls to try to pick up on me, I am not scared, I stopped being, because I'm strong enough to hit them back, and I'm smart enough to know what I'm doing.


I'm trying to find some beautiful plastic or another material or dolls, I guess it's because my rough history with Barbie dolls.
Since I was little, I used to more kill violently at Marie Antoinette style.
I didn't dressed them with pretty-pretty dresses, or walked with them in the street.
Every Barbie I had, loosed her head within a day or two, and limbs too, then I'd try to get her connected again, but I couldn't most of time, I guess that not all the broken people get together (sad grin).
I guess that I never meant to be a girly girl, I'm another lost girl between personality types, trying to fit into one, to hold on in only one place, but I can't, I just can't fit in, I'm too less from too many.
I guess I'm everything but a girly girl, or stupid slutty one (if I'd like to have sex, I have my ways), I'm the mixture of one of the guys in their inner guy genres, I could fit to the rebels, to the jocks, and to the nerds (I play sims too much, I know), I know and keep learning how to use the computer, and my athletic skills are quite impressive, and I still won't agree to be another one of the static.

I want a doll.
Maybe this entire section of my life -these few years- are trying to "fix" what that been when I was younger, it's a psychological shit that I have, and people doesn't notice that it's the actual problem (aka, youth) and I'm trying to be someone that every girl was, to be the model of the average girl that I'd never be, and I'm stumbling my way to understand and collide my soul, my mind, the truth, and the body so I'll be in inner peace.


I searched in eBay, finding nothing but this funny doll.

"I don't really like you right now"

If I'd meet this doll in a very dark alley I'd probably piss myself and try to escape while it's demonic powers will fucking fill my lungs with my blood (my creative imagination).

I remember a word for creepy things, so I tried to use my dictionary app on my iPhone (when it gets to copy paste cut, press the next button and press define).

And the word is Massacre, I think that my mind remember better words that relates to death, and violent actions, I guess I'm into fucking brutal several kills, I'm a little bit of sick in my mind, but hey, that's the thing that makes me myself.

Fun fact, the two letters I used the most are the letter E and the letter T.

I don't understand why people are afraid from spiders, in Israel, they are very small and it's rare when big ones are here, we have more cockroaches, but in my room, dozens of ants, I have George, Charles, Lizzy, Annette, Claudio, and I also had Latisha R.I.P.

She died, Maya g killed her.

I don't want to go to this course tomorrow, at least it's the last day of it in this week.

My mom got me for something that it's 3 weeks!

4 days per week.

I hate it!
Who and why the fuck would like to be the only girl around older awkward guys that talk about things she doesn't know.

Socialize won't poison you!

And I say it, I am, the girl that in her trip to New York for something about a month, that was like glued to her iPhone.

I have weird problems, masochistic, fire loving, excitement hunting, and find death inspiring.

You read about me, and my creepy/crappy life.

Oh well, at least it's you, knowing that even people who lives in a small country that surrounded by enemies, and still succeeding with it's shit, could have all the kinds of people and have the exact amounts of shit in our society like yours.

So, Barbie Breaker needs to say goodbye, and I have very weird don't-be-racist speech in Extras, so make sure that you'll check it.

I just sounded like attention whore, just ignore it.

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.