Purge ability

I am hungry. 

I am starving. 

The only thing I ate today was two disgustingly fat kebabs, and that's it. 

No breakfast, no dinner, no snacks. 

Water, ice, tea, air. 

I want to eat ice cream. 

But no. 

I won't destroy what I worked for. 

I did few workouts today. 

Including the weird thigh-stomach excresise I like.  

There was coke, and sprite, and fuze tea, and Pringles. 

I have not ate. 

I'm mad a bit, why won't I? My body isn't used to it, I have strange reaction, but when I'll get used to it, I'll be thin, pretty, and happier. 

I would like to eat the biscuit cake. 

But there is no chance that I'll eat now. 

If I would, I'll try to purge it. 

I got so close today, like, I had the perfect condition.

Nosy water flow, I felt the gag zone (my personal G spot, it's making me feel joy) I just didn't have any food to take out, it was absorbed already. 

I think I'm pale right now. 

It's not my usual color, I look more shine or bright than this gray color. 

I love water. 

Excuse me? I'm disgusting you?!

Well, why am I surprised?

After all, I hate you, you hate me. 

What a perfect mother-daughter relationship (sarcasm). 

So, what can I say?

Today I skipped breakfast, I don't find a mango that damn useful. 

For lunch the fattening meat (I should've eat something healthier).

And dinner, skipped it too. 

Water and tea. 

I like to feel that I can actually do it. 

I met my friends (with a very bold question mark) we were on one guys house, we watched something with Steins and bar mitzvah, awful. 

It wasn't racist!

What's the point about being Jewish, if you can't make fun of it?

There was a coco bag, I want coco. 

Damn it. 

I didn't drink it, but the temption!

Oh, how could I forget one of my happiest feelings today?

After lunch I went to the shower, I tried to throw up, but nothing left in my stomach. 

Now, I showered again, after I drank plain warm-hot water, I got a little sick, and when I was on the shower I tried once, couldn't do it, then I did again, something I started to feel, third, I had this weird feeling before you start taking it out. 

Now I know, if I want something out, I fucking can do it!

I'm proud of my new ability. 

When I'll pretend being sick, or just want to eat and take it out, I can, I can regret eating somewhere, and not feeling humiliation and guilt, I just can enjoy the taste, and take it out. 

I won't eat anyway, unless its special event, or that it'll be the only meal on the next two days (tortilla and beef aren't something that's easy to take out), so, if fasting, big chunky meals are good, and I have favorite meal, it's a wrap, it's tortilla, and beef in it, and tomatoes and ketchup, and lettuce, onions, pickles. 

I'm hungry. 

Remember that I wrote on the start that I'm starving?

Well now I am. 

In the morning I'm eating hard boiled egg, and some salad from tomatoe and cucumber (extra safe). 

I'm not sure if I want to eat at the surfing, or that I should bring an apple. 

Okay, so I'm planning that I'd maybe eat on surfing (only emergency), and dinner I would, lunch, it's on question mark. 

I want food, but I can't. 

I won't feel good. 

I will feel like a lame failure. 

And believe me, I don't need the reminder of "I'm such a failure" message.

Guys, I even wonder, why I heard the doctors advice when I should stop with the sports until my ankles will heal from the unhealthy leg growth. 

My stomach feels funny. 

It's weird, I hope it's a good sign. 

I feel like when I'm breathing out, my stomach is just sinking back, like its glueing itself to my back. 

And I know it can't happen in a day, so one more, and another, eventually I'll be skinny. 

I like cheesecakes, why a commercial for F.R.I.E.N.D.S. must have a good looking cheesecake there?!

I just want to lose the fats. 

Like the one that blocks my gap to show. 

The one that make my tummy grow. 

I want to look like when the boys are taking of their shirts and squeeze back their stomach the most. 

That my ribs showing a bit. 

That my stomach is more than flat, it's going inside. 

STOP ROARING BITCH!

Why does this piece of fat filled with greedy guts is talking to me. 

It knows that I won't do unnecessary things, when I know I can be beautiful. 

When I know I can wear leggings. 

I want to wear one day in the short future 00 jeggings, and say "I'm fucking skinny, and I love myself". 

I'd probably have to keep eating less and workout more to keep the figure. 

But then I could eat more things.

Good luck for me, going tomorrow to surf. 

I'd take an apple in my bag, just in case. 

I love you, and I love thin people. 

Berries, Survivors,

 I hope you'll make it.