Piece of it

Who is "The Doctor"?
I have no idea, a mysterious infinite creature from the space I guess.

I feel in a British mode today, because I started watching Doctor Who, it's the seventh season that's now on BBC, and how can't you love it, I started to watch it when I was on my grandma apartment (one storie below ours, in the exact same building), and it was there, we had some time before something that we'd enjoy will start, and Green Day's concert on MTV found it's end, so why not, I was in the middle of "Let's Kill Hitler" or something (I hate this monster, it's racist for everything, and it reminds me the fact, that all these filthy white girls who made me go to the guys and become friends with them from no choice, that they always say how terrible the holocaust was, well these little liars made one exactly for me, gave me hell,and let me stay alive, incredible how their stupidity overflows), and I loved it, I really liked this rules of The Doctor, because it was amazing, and this curly ginger, I loved the humor, just, ridiculous.
So I already watched episode 1 and 2, and what can I say? I LOVE IT.

So, today I made more dream catchers, one with spiderman on it, because I had a plastic small figure of him, and my sister always said that the dream catchers looks like spider webs.
It's a nice touch for my endless hobby.
I'm a girl of dream cathcers, braids, and alternative music (this is what I like, I guess, it's just the big name for almost everything I hear), and it's fabulous, I love braiding my hair, I've done about 5 different styles only today, the options are endless, and I love tribal braids, I admire voices, probably because I sound like a cat, or just these new rich kids that wants to make a music video when they're young, before the auto tune.

I love the smell of wine, I'm lucky that my dad left his on the desk, where I need to use the large computer, instead of my laptop, that's dead, like the chicken I ate earlier.
Oh, and for better news, laptop, I might get new one, my dad is planning to order for me tomorrow if he'll find that there is warranty for three years, he asked me if the color matters, I said that no, after all it is red, but who the fuck cared, a laptop! finally! Large HP, with the invincible Windows 8, I hope that it'll have Microsoft PowerPoint, because I didn't have it in the old one, and it sucked, I couldn't make most of school projects, and it's a terrible problem.

Oh, I know I can, but probably shouldn't, but I feel like it's too obvious, and I wonder how can't he see it.
Even I noticed that every time he says he can come to the meeting, we actually do it, when not, it's cancelled, wasn't it obvious, she has a crush on you and so do I, I may be more quite about it, but come on young boy, can't you see the teasing, that irritating laughing whenever you say something that aren't that funny, can't you notice that it's not her real voice.

You amaze me, how can't you see it?
You're the lucky boy everybody likes you, you're just that kind of a human, dazzling, mesmerizing, but what shall I say, that I like you but I'm confused that I am?
I can't, I know the following actions for mine, I'm not naive as many as I know.
I guess that I am in this weird stage of it, aren't I.
It's sad that I still on it, for two whole years,
I feel that your still her property.
I know, it's kind of Mean Girl style, but it's true.
I guess I got used to it.
It's that sad truth that you have to face, but rather not to.

Why am I that fool, keeping walking on the trail of error, over, and over, and over.
At least it's my trail, and not others.
I don't know if it would be the same, after the field trip, pretty much everything got different for me.
When you, young boy, and this snake ex of yours, she wanted that you'll get together again, I don't know if she noticed my crush on him and did it on purpose, or that she just wanted to gain popularity, but, it did hurt.
After it you said no, or yes, I don't know, I might never.
But the only thing that matters now, that I have the will to breath, maybe it's you, or her, or who knows what else, but I can breath.
I just wonder what will happen next year, will you actually get back together, and I'll do what I'm best in, wearing that smile of mine, saying for me "I'm not shattered completely, but I'm certainly not okay", just smiling, saying I'm fine, hoping I'd have the guts to actually say the truth, that I'm actually not.

And still, there is one thing that I don't know if you'll ever know young boy, the real story of mine.
Not many on this universe know it, and I don't know if it actually matters.
I feel like that you should know, that you'll understand what he'll dealing with.
But no, he'll have to learn it himself, I won't ruin his chance for being happier, nobody should feel that way, I felt, every moment ever since, I've called ugly, I've called  trashy, I've called a loser, a liar, a friendless idiot, everything, you shall not, you shall drink black beer with me and other fellas that will be there too.


It's funny, now she cares, this mother, really gives a fuck about the age limitation on my media sources, because for sure mine is not for my age, this blog won't be recommended for kids under 14, but for real who gives a fuck.
My dad doesn't care.
Only she does, but it's weird.
I know every fucking detail about sex from the second grade, why should I get a bad message of the average teen and I'll be this way, I hate these jocks, these slutty girls, it's fucking disgusting.
People around the world should make their clothing cheaper, because many girls these days barely wearing something on them.
I know my style, you can mostly find them in the sale zone of the men section, they have better shirts, and pants, I get on sales, few good pairs and I'm good, I have already simple dark wash denims from New York, and I just need one black-grey that is looking good, and another one that is special, probably green or purple, maybe a pattern, but not another simple one.
You shall not worry I know what I want, about season before I see what I want online, list it, and then going for the thrift market, getting the best for cheap, like under 10$ for nice sweater or this chiffon flowy skirts, so I'll make one that will fit me, it's wonderful.


You know that feeling that somebody took a piece of you, and you just want to see him back, demand for it's piece again.
I feel it, right now.
I just hope it'll disappear soon, I hope I'll make some friends next week, get my muscles back to work again, to get ready for the class greedy sport schedule.

I just can't believe it, again, it's like Japan, tsunamis in my heart, screaming, shouting for me, telling that they want it's piece back, but I can't help them, just let the sadness come.
Oh, well, at least I'm used to it, like many other things, that should warn me, but I'm relaxed.
Just kill me.
I don't know if it's even in the way for recovery.
I'll just hope it is.


You know the saddest thing.
Sometimes I can't sleep, and not because life is better than every dream I could sleep in, but exactly the opposite, because every nightmare is better than what I'm having now.

You people make me sick, I can't get this drawing of a couple, man and a woman, holding hands, but in very strange ways, their necks are surrounded by a rope, that's tied on a tree, they fucking killed themselves together.
It's not romantic, it's sick, to fucking die from love?!
What are you?
Twilight?!
Be ashamed, I could build a tree house there, but no, now I can't, fuck you crazy suicidal artist!

I wonder how it feels to be graceful, I'm not ugly (but not a beauty for most of population because I'm not white as a wall or skinny as paper, and not blond with blue eyes, I'm sorry for being actually human looking), because I am not, I grew with boys, I look like one when I tie my hair and you can't see it, so yeah, the macho is here.

Let's get tired together, It's a half our after the beautiful midnight, Cinderella is already at her home, keeping to clean every single thing in there.

This was the most evil thing that my iPhone did to me, I just got a message notification on Whatsapp, I thought that he replied, but I forget for a moment that I'm a fool, believing for everything I hear, read, or see, it was my friends.
I skipped a beat, and this is what I got.
Why is it fair, I don't know, I just hope that he'll care as much as I care.
But I'm a fool that do what she doesn't believe in, like hoping, and believing.
I guess it's all I got.

If I could I 'd cry to sleep, but I don't want to.
No sleeping, stay awake, I can sleep all the time, pleasures of the honest night, no.

My arm is weird, it's skinny, and it's flat like narrow show box, and than there's my hands, they're useful, but not fitting exactly to the rest of the arm, oh well, at least I got big fingernails, healthy large ones, like of a human, now died in order of one gray one blue.

I'm going for bed, to draw something, and watch the episode I missed of Orange is the New Black.

I want to kiss you goodnight, and on the morning after a kiss morning, so you won't ever feel unloved.

Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.