I wrote one post, an you didn't save it.
I wrote another, much longer, with information, intellectual, but again, you saving skills aren't good enough.
So now I'm hearing classical music and reading Reached, it's weird I know.
The fact that I'm reading is normal, but this book giving me a headache.
And yeah, classical music.
I like to hear music with other activities.
I assumed that hearing classical music without voices, only from nice piano and six different artists, it'll be easier to concentrate in the reading.
Dear Ky, good for you to being such an awesome friend and a boyfriend and an aberration, but seriously.
Nobody should use the line "our lips touched" it's making me feel ill.
Like, it's very pedophile-ish to say touch, and alike.
It's just making my stomach to move inside uncomfortably.
I don't know if it's because you kissed or the way you say pedophile-ish things romantically.
I'm used to this weird feeling when there's love expressions on books (I'm more explosions, nice assed, mysterious things, and people with weird hair/accessories/sign in movies/books kind of girl), every time when people find a "creative" way to day something like kissed or fucked or alike (I don't want to know what can be besides it) I get nausea.
I should keep reading.
Oh god I missed that.
You stood in the woods on the hill, and kissed.
We all know that you should never kiss in the woods, or have sex, or to make out, it's a guideline you should follow, if you ever saw Jennifer's Body, the jock always get slaughtered when he's seduced.
Never have sex, you WILL die.
Most people relate it to Twilight.
I did to, since now, to Jennifer's Body, damn and this Collin, oh god...
Why couldn't they show it!
I didn't see guts in a while, two years ago, in a basements, Friday 13th, we watched at night "Scream" we stopped after 15 minutes.
We got scared.
People, if a white girl that got pale, with black-brown hair is starting to flirt with you after you asked her out, she rejected you, and after she talked to her friend, run.
If a white girl that got pale, with black-brown hair is seducing you, after your best friend died, and she wants to take you to the woods, run.
Don't stay.
She will kill you.
Haha!
(Imagine it in some Sherlock Holmes voice when he discovers something)
I knew it!
That was so obvious.
Spoiler alert:
One page before it I though "it'll make Ky's life much easier if he will fall in love with Indie, and will make Cassia's life more complicated because she wouldn't understand, but Xander will be happy, after all, his love is with him"
Then BAM.
Indie kissing Ky!
What?
My human intuition (I would call it girl intuition, but it's survival thing, I feel it in my guts) is working perfectly.
Okay, I'm really far from being the ideal girl.
I'm ideal best girl-friend but nothing more.
I just ate ice cream, and huge part fell on my iPhone, where's the charging plug and the speakers.
Guess what I did, pretending that I didn't heard about all of those people who electrified from it.
Sucked it bitches.
You know.
Therapists sounds amazing to me.
I'm stuck with a psychopathic psychologist of kids.
She giving me stories and giving me to draw.
Therapists that talks and listens and listens again, is much better, no further interaction.
Now with who I'd practice lying?
She's boring as fuck.
I'm not a five year old, yes I am in the section of underage with them, but no, in these 12 years, I've passed too much.
And yes, I am like every other 12 year old bitch, thinks that her life's the worst.
But no, I know exactly what hell my "ex-friends" will find, I'd laugh along, evil glares, yeah, that's my pretty little heavenly nightmare.
I like cars, really motors and I, we can live happily until we'll die.
I got it from my dad.
Apperantly, I got many traits from my dad (like my criminalic thinking, my dad have it to, but he's a detective, he actually understand their minds), and motors, since I was about 7, my dad have a car he restoring, it's an old Triumph, it's beautiful.
Oh god, who the fuck built a car from fiber-glass?!
It's a surfboard material, it breaks easily, meaning, if one wave in specific shore, can break it, you can only imagine what 4x4 can do to it.
Why an I this girl?
Like, the lonely one that will probably keep her life to herself (its already over exposed), and secrets will go just fine with me.
Cut relationships (even more).
Secrets that nobody but you will know.
Oh god this batmobile is looking good.
I don't know it's name, but the shape of the top, it's reminding me it, we'll, the batmobile that daffy stole in that movie of loony tunes when they go with this monkey diamond, and Vegas, and Acme with this guy and Merlin, some people aren't meant to look good when making out.
You know what's looking good with snakebites?
Frizzy brown-orange-hazel beard.
How do I know that?
Discovery Channel, they got handsome mechanists on Fantom Works.
And we all know that I like beards.
And birds.
And birds with beards, and the opposite too.
I really like this red batmobile wedding car.
It's one of the prettiest red cars I've saw.
I have three amazing cars in my mind, two of them are vintage.
1. My dads Triumph.
2. This wedding batmobile.
3. A car I've saw only once, and her noise, it's like a tigers purr, it sounded like car from heaven, it drove fast, beautifully, with elegance, I think the name was eagle or something.
If I'll ever get rich, or find one in the junkyard, I'll make it work again, my dad and I, to the coolest car ever.
A car that I saw for the first and the last when I was 9, is my dream car.
By the way batmobiles, daffy, I believe that rabbits rule the world.
The one and only batman for me, have long ears and says "what's up doc?", while everybody was in high school, he was a president, an astronaut, an Olympic swimmer, and I don't remember what's else, yeah, he was batman.
And the Bionic Bunny, from Arthur, this superman with ears, and his brother the dark bunny, I thought it was him like batman, like when Spider-Man got this black outfit, so it happened to the bionic bunny, and he turned to be like batman, but no, he's just his relative.
The bionic bunny and the dark bunny just got lame.
Oh fuck you monsuno.
As much as I love animes and cartoons that is back to the tv.
I have limits.
If I'll have a sweet sixteen (I wrote it sweat at the start, when I see all the artists performing and then using towels, you don't need to wonder that much), I want a boy band.
I want.... Drums, drums, drums...
BOYS WHO CRY.
Yes, indeed, the guys that popped out of a huge gift (people, the only ones that will pop out of my cake, it's a pair of female strippers, because men are just no for me) for Pearl's birthday, and definatley not twerking Squidward, maybe old man twerking, it will be much awesome.
So since I don't believe that your birthday party should be more glamorous than your wedding or your blogging anniversary (the ultimate forever alone? Probably), so no.
I want to find something to do with the cassette that doesn't working anymore that I've got (a diy girl will always find inspiration in old shit), I don even bother to decorate my room, not until that I know it's my room.
I still want to use the room well build on the balcony, with window to the sea, it'll be awesome.
I like the view, you see the rest of the buildings, other cities, and the sun, the rain, and you hear less that gunshots, sirens, and the horrifying screaming.
So, am I the only one that think that 30 dollars on clearance is expensive?
Like come on American eagle.
I stopped liking their things since I've been there last time.
They sold motorcycle vest, like the motorcycle jacket, without sleeves, it's not good, when I want something from leather, I'd like it to cover also my arms.
I liked mine, but I lost it.
So it's nice an everything, like good job with whatever you're trying to do, but 300 hundred NIS for this tiny piece I shit? (70$)
I don't think so.
And the destroyed jeans, it's stupid, get it destroye by your over using them, it even looks like it just happened to you, from I don't know what, but it always looking original.
I don't like these sweatshirts they sell, from the rough fabric, it doesn't look fashionable/not-trying-too-hard, it looks like crap.
Reminder to self,
Next time you're shopping, search more in te guys section.
Look, you know that cheap but fashionable clothing lines, that the snobby rich brats avoid?
Example, like buying in target (I like their clothing, it seems normal to me that you don't need to pay the same amount of a guitar price on 2 pairs of jeans).
So in Israel the name is Fox.
I love them, Bar Refaeli modeled for them lately, and even one guy I know did.
I should search in their clothing too, in the guy section.
And in the thrift market, though I do it often, just a little more, I hope that the awesome superheroes shirts they have will stay until next time.
I like the Hulk, he's like me in anger attacks, just that I turn red, and my voice is loud enough so I don't have to go gigantic.
And Spider-Man, and superman.
I liked batman's too, but since that I lost my remote in the closet with all of the black shirts, I should avoid black (and I'm sick of the gothic reputation I got, I'm not gothic, I'm hiding my real awesome self from you, I hate to show it to people), stick to green, brown, blue, dark warm tones, earthy colors.
School is starting in three days, and soon this three will turn to two, its two and a half hours away.
Can you believe it?
Me?
Starting juniors high?
Alive?
In sports class?
With twats and jerks (aka jocks)?
Oh fuck.
I'd stand out, my clothing, aren't like every other girls, there's extra space between my skin an the fabric.
And my grades, well, different too.
And my language, isn't clean, but have nice vocabulary, I use often my terrible English skills.
Wow, mother, surprise surprise.
I don't want to live anymore.
I don't want to stay here anymore.
I don't want to stay one moment more than possible in here.
It's all because of you.
You wonder why I'm in bed all the day, eating chocolate, hearing loud music, and hate to be around you, because I don't like you, I don't your rules.
I don't have privacy, so at least I make a noisy bubble, that nobody would like to come in.
I don't love anybody, nobody will understand me, it's better this way, and I stopped caring for most of things that I used to cherish, and I got interested in things I've hated.
I've born to early, I thought that all of it, will happen three years later, but no, like every other thing in my life, out of time.
I want to go to the second most beautiful land in the possible and impossible universes, wonderland, smoke with a caterpillar, drink tea with mouse, a rabbit, and shiny eyed hatter, why not, and other girl will fight along.
Or better, creating things, in the most beautiful land in the possible and impossible universes, summerland.
Why not, to finally run through fields, of my favorite flower, visiting places that never existed before, meeting other people who died, learning, because if one thing that never gets old in my life, the passion for learning more.
So maybe math arent interesting (it actually is, but we keep repeating everything, so it seems to be boring), and history was long ago, but I believe that the lesson can be much better, depends on the focused subjects and the teacher.
I love Ancient Greece.
But, instead of fucosing a bit on the gods, and a bit about the army, and a bit on Athens, and a bit about Sparta.
Make it interesting.
Teach us the beginning of the world by the ancient Greeks.
The Odyssey started like a harmony, a beautiful harmony.
The gods, their traits, their stories, even Hercules, the Disney movie is quite more teaching and interesting.
The army, wearing funny armory.
Athens, the centre of the world, by the ancient Greeks, and the strongest empire back there (until Rome came in).
And Sparta, their gymnasium (the meaning of the word is actually excresise naked) and the weird tradition of kid drowning.
Why won't you give an example, put goldfish in a fish tank, and throw dolls, and make everybody yell "this is SPARTA!!" People will be impressed.
What stopping me from dying?
My strong body system, probably it's the main reason.
By the way body system, I find that it's weird that I never had things that at least every human had.
I never got stung by a bee (ironically, my name is honey).
I don't know what's my blood type.
I never broke a bone in my body.
Never were in surgery.
The most "dangerous" disease I had was pneumonia which is a fancy scientific word for lungs inflammation, and for 3 weeks I were in bed.
The most dangerous injury I had, my toe in the left feet got almost totally off from a piece of broken glass that came when I dropped by accident my glass.
And like my luck, guess what song is playing?
Broken Glass from some band.
You know, for about a week, I have no idea how many views I've got.
I go to check it out.
Huh, not as I expected, but still, it's amazing, it's the first time I've seen Poland in the list.
I know for sure that I'll visit there, on the 10th grade, all the students visit there, holocaust and roots, totally depressing.
Few got expelled last year, the teachers found them drinking in a bar.
Just kidding, they just were in the kiosk without permission.
If I'll be there, I have no idea what to do.
Okay, I know that I'll be in Poland, I've been in USA already (I plan to live there too), and I'll be in Russia, because Russians are amazing.
In Germany, I don't know, holocaust isn't a very welcoming association, brutal slaughter or Jewish and black people, murdering gypsies.
Hmff... Considering the fact that I'm black (I don't even sure about this fact, I'm used to this nickname), and Jewish, and I plan on traveling endlessly, it's not the most recommended place.
I want to be infinite.
Something that lasts forever.
I want to be pure energy.
Or a ghost.
I want to have a tattoo all over my hand, so when I'll fight other ghosts, my tattoo can be a weapon, pretty much extra hand, and in home I can have a pet like in the Adams (yes the creepy family, I love them, the thing with their babysitter, wonderful), or like of Boris -the animal- just instead of monster like from my palm, it is my palm.
I want to be something.
Not someone.
Something.
Things are infinite, living, moving, ideas are designed to fade away.
But I want to last.
As an artist.
The mad artist.
Insane, creative, and itself.
You've heard about the artist that drew himself everyday, every time under different drug, prescription pills, illegal drugs, everything.
It's boring, self portraits, about yourself, when you're highed?
No thank you sir.
I love berries, but hate blackberries, I think they're delicous, but I hate the owners, there's a girl we know as MB, and she owns a blackberry, and guess what? I fucking hate her.
I fucking hate myself.
Can you believe that you can break your own heart?
Crazy, I know, but I'm good at being like that, some people aren't born normal.
I lied to myself that everything will be okay, I lied that people can love me, that people will understand.
And you know what's happening to liars, they're getting destroyed, and their lies collapsing on them.
Sweet karma, tastes so bitter.
I can't believe that I broke my heart.
I can't believe that I broke it, not once, but twice.
Like, how stupid can I be?
Lately we discovered that I can be very stupid.
Horay, people reading about a girl that nobody understands, nobody gets, and nobody knows a thing about her life.
And you know why?
Because this girl is considered as part from this everyone, this girl doesnt understand herself, this girl can't get herself, this girl have knows nothing about her life.
And how do I know all of this?
Because, again, this girl is me.
I guess that now school is two days away, yippie, brutal self destruction in less of 48 hours.
Goodnight, imagine something with angelic voice singing you a lullaby, because my voice sounds twisted like Mr. Cricker's spine.
I watch way to much cartoons.
Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.
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