Monday, September 9, 2013

A bit more.

I just hate my wardrobe, and my mother, a little bit more. 
Lets start with this easy one, the wardrobe. 
I wear today all black, the only thing that have colors on my body, it's my shoes, my backpack, and my plain white socks. 
Seriously I feel boring. 
And guess what? I HATE WEARING ALL BLACK!
It's so boring, no color in me...
Everything in my day will be boring, my sketches never have colors. 

And oh my mother. 
If there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that I fucking hate school bullshit. 
Like, what's so great about a card for your parents, I have no idea what to write anyway, nobody knows, I just hate it!
And how does it relates to my mother?
She's making me feel guilty because I didn't make a pretty one. 
What the hell?
Two things,
What the hell is considered pretty, I think that beliefs are beautiful, learning for me is stunning, but what the fuck would other like? Pop bands? Slutty artists? I can draw an ant and think its beautiful because I did good the details, but you'll think it's ugly because its an ant. Beauty can't be measured, beauty it's all in your mind of what's acceptable or not. 
And,
Why the hell should I make something pretty for you mother? Why, I fucking can't stand you! It's not that I ever was like the other girls, with the incredibly tight relationship with their mother, I was never like them, open relationships when the people are attached is the main cause for depression, anxiety, insomnia, and pretty much everything else, and those relationships happen in my world, I'm stopping them. 

So, I guess I'll never understand that child...
Where is she? Her body is here, her mind is far.
Who is she? She supposed to be popular, but she's so far from everybody. 
What is she? She's a girl, or a ghost of one?

I just miss her so much, too much...
I'm going to die from it. 
Missing people, heartbreak, those are never good, but combined with the lack of sleep, the renovating stress, and the chronic depression, binges, and being judged daily, won't help at all...

So tell me, how do you talk to a ghost?

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