10th

Well, I feel that I'm just having hard time to keep up with comics.
As weird as it is, I'm a child that find reading picture-less books over 200 pages!
The last comics  I read was "Bone" that weird white figure that having adventures with another one that looks exactly like him.
Since that, I just started hating those books.
I don't know why, I guess that kids started to obsses with those (obssesive fans and I are never end up in the same room, and if we are, one of us is on a risk, I might kill him/her), and I just started to hate it, I stopped, and never read another comics again (mems online doesn't count as comics).

So, since I've been exposed to meggings (it's worse the nuclear radiation, you can't fucking earse the picture of men with tights in your mind), and I decided that I can't take it any longer.
DEAR MEN AND WOMEN.
DO NOT SYMPATIZE OBJECTS THAT ARE WEIRD FOR USE.
IT WAS BAD ENOUGH ON THAT GENDER, YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT TO YOUR GENDER TOO.
Like, there is no way that action figures, is any different from barbie and ken!
And meggings are exactly like female leggings, they make your crotch look weird both ways!
And dear people "war paint" and "guyliner" are exactly like lipstick, powder, and eyeliner for girls, it doesn't matter,  because make up is for clowns anyway.

When I said "War paint", that's what I meant:


This is Sokka, at the first episodes, when Zuko's ship came to their tribe, and Sokka was all alone there as a soilder.

And when I said guyliner, well, it was too hard to pick one, but I picked the first one:

That's a picture from a guide on wikihow, for how to "rock guyliner" I don't think it's possible.


Actually, when I searched for the photos, I found a picture of Marilyn Manson, and I started to remember a sensation of eyelashes and eye makeup (just like him), and this is her:



Everybody claims she's dumb.
She's pretty much an idol.
She spends 8,000 nis each month (!) for her hair extansions (she's natraully blond, but she dyed to brown), and her eyelashes, well, they are a legend themselves...


Oh god....
Sweet 16 bitch celebrates another year in her life (I still like Pearl's, when boys who cry sang out of present), and be bitchy more than the usual when she don't get exactly what she wants.
Actually, since in almost every birthday there, there is a surprise that sometimes aren't very surprising, I want for my birthday when I'll have my own life with own desicision (and it will be legal), I want a huge cake, and that two sweden/russian babes in bikini with water/paintball guns, and start a huge public fight...
It's better than male strippers anyway...
Male stsrippers are boring, they aren't slutty enough for me.
OR...
I can bake two people in the cake!
Or just look alike dolls!
It will be awsome!
Aalmost like the mop-zombie from that dance game on Warp Time, I really liked it dancing in front of the computer with my sister at 10pm imatating the moves of a guy that don't stand up properly, that is wearing a blue tuxedo, that is what I call joy.

Well, The Hunger Games is out today...
I remember wating for that date...
Now it seems...
Sad...
I was sure that I would love to go to there...
With the girl I used to call "my best friend"...
Now?
I have no idea if she's even feeling alive every now or then...
I feel that it's all my fault.

You know, and I know it.
Loneliness, depressioin, anixety, it can all lead to suicide.
And I just see her, alone all the time.
And I just see her out of space look in her eyes, and I want to cry.
When  I still didn't knew who was the other girl who cut (it's still weird for me that I didn't understood it from the start), I thought that it was her for a while.
But all I think about, that I left her, that it's my fault she's feeling and looking like that.
It's not new to me, the guilt, I'm just used to be blamed, so much, I just gave up...


I just feel nohting.
I miss her.
She was the one that held me on the ground, she was the best thing on the hard times, and whenever she was gone, depression came back, it was awful, and now, I have no shield.
Imagine "prince charming" fighting against a dragon, without an armor?
He's going to die, and he knows it.



OH GOD!
SO MUCH FUCKING BLOOD!
My tenth tooth fell right now!
Well, I made it to fall, I couldn't eat the apple, so I used some method in wikihow guide to how to pull out a tooth. 

It's all bloody. 

Seriously.

Take a look...

My happiness!!

Twilight vampires (and every other vampire) never looked that happy with blood in their mouth!

I had to spit blood, I was with too much of it...

After washing, it's still red...

What I took out. 

...

Time passed. 

And the whatsapp just made me want to kill myself. 

...

"Why are you doing this to yourself?!" An then I hear "You stupid bitch!!" And plenty of words that will make me feel bad with myself (not forgetting the following "Eewww" sounds), and the best part of it, most of them, are in my head. 

And just in time, burning ashes from the past, reliving themselves and leave fires against my skin. 

She's, the masked devil, and everybody else thinks she's so perfect, I won't blame them, it's so easy to fake happiness (for me it's harder now, but it works when I need it), of course I'm the revolting child.

I just want to die. 

I constantly feel my mother hates me. 

I'm confused. 

I got the typical teen (and pre-teen) issues mixed with everything else, and guess what?

I could've been happy, of course, look at those perfect girls out there, presenting flawless human. 

And me, sitting at the corner (sadly it's front, but t least it's few steps from the door, easy escaping), and waiting for time to pass. 

I really hate it. 

That nothingness.

So empty. 

Nothing is interesting anymore. 

I can stare blankly at the wall and be excited the same from looking at the Mona Lisa. 

I really hate it

 

Drying color is better than talking to me. 

I just want to drink hot chocolate on my beanbag with a blanket.

Not living and communicating. 

I don't even feel love.

Not loved, not loving others, nothing. 

People say that exhausting boring routines and depression anixety and stuff like that encourage cancer. 

At least I do sport...

But only one won't do.

Just that nightmare of celebrating my 14th birthday with balled and tears in hospital bed. 

I want to die, but tomorrow the sun will shine, and I will hate it to, at least I'll have something to complain about. 

Berries, survivors,

I hope you'll make it.