Bloody mary

I don't remember being able to fast so long with all the excresise!
I fasted for fucking 19 hours straight!
Only water!
Well, that was easy because, from 7 pm yesterday, to that morning 7, when I did the blood check, then Ii decided that I should skip meals, and I succeed.
I also ran and walked and jumped, and fidgeted.

But it doesn't count...
Why?
Because the first day, is the easiest...

Well, today it's a free day.
So I'll be making something sweet.
Probably something with apples, or flakes, or chocolate.
Maybe I'll make somethinng with all the pecans too!

I want to cook/bake something.

I'm trying my best with getting down my weight.
I have to go down from that damn disgusting 50.
My goal weight is 45.
7 kg to drop.
Though, in the moment I'll leave 50, to under it, I'll give myself a prize!
A new bottle!
Maybe I'll do something awesome, but probably not.

In the morning, a bit after the thirteenth hour, I got a bit dizzy, but then, somethow, magically, I just...
Felt some energy wave in my body, and I just felt alive again.
I can't explain it.

But it was wonderful!

I think that my body just started using the fats and excessive calories I ate.

Well, I'm bored.
I'm not hungry, but my body wants food for emotional eating...
Fuck.


I'm scared...
Not for me...
But for her...
Yes, it is something very risky, follishl, and will probably destroy me, but I care for her.
It's a secret (laughing at myself because in that blog is the pool where all the hidden things in my life are swimming), her father asked my super-awesome-detective father to ceck up what's going with her...
Not to spy on her, that's just creepy.
But to understand, he asks me things about her (I'm clueless when it comes to it), and he asks her, and he trying to understand what legally he can do about it.

I today saw her...
She tried to avoid coming to the practice, complained she doesn't have friends, many girls from her class said that "we're you friends! come on!" and she came after a while of convincing.
Then, when we all gathered, my friend (who is actually my friend, not just a person who is actually shitty) just found out that she forgot her spikes, so we ran together to grab them, and on our way back, I saw the teacher walking with her (Gal) back to school, he was talking to her, but I didn't hear a thing.

My mother said that she lost a lot of weight...
I noticed that today....
She used to have a bigger stomach...
It's almost completly flat.
And her thighs...
Well, I remember she used to complain about them, now, I think that they're size is half of what it used to be.

What's happening?
She stopped with the sports, and that's I know.
So, what's happened?

I'm afraid to tell the answer I think I got.


....


I'm watching now School of Rock.
Actually, I'm finishing it right now.
It makes me to wonder what will happen if in that weird socially strange, if it's going to happen.
Seriously, what the fuck are they doing there?
Studying?
For real?

Your parents pay a few thousands just for you to get a tag of your school.
It is extremly foolish!
You should've go to the other normal city schools, and enjoy, so whatever is you only learn 5 days a week?!
It doesn't matter much!


Well, I finished eating for today.
Now it's seven!
So I'll pass the night, eat an apple, or osme flakes with a bit of honey, maybe a cookie instead.



Me to random people who are too sensitive for me (basically, almost every person that is just can feel something)

"STOP CRYING ALREADY!"

Just lying, if I would say that, it will make them cry harder.


But seriously people.
Stop crying.
Nothing will happen if you cry.
I blocked all the possible feelings as I can.
It's just not making me sad.
It's realesed throught happy times, and I'm feeling only happiness.
I need logic, and creativity, not anger or sadness.

Well, yeah, people will think how heartless you are.
But you can't give a shit.
You just don't feel like it.
(Feel is the keyword).



Me, going around on BuzzFeed Food.
And there it is!
The enemy!
That weird soupy thing, with that floating fish! And carrots!
Oh the horror! THE HORROR!
It's probably one of the worst things I ever putted in my mouth.
I don't understand how people like it...


Well, tomorrow I might buy a scale, but more chances for Friday.
Well, in the moment I'll be under 50 Il'l be so damn happy, might celebrate with watching things!
Or fantisicing how death tastes like...

I know it sounds creepy.
It's not.
Well, I know that if I have some unique taste in my mouth, it means I'm ill, it's like when people are starting to heating, well, I'm natrually warm, so you can't tell, but I know it.
And I know that somehow my mouth makes special flavors for each ocassions.
So I wonder how death tastes like.
I guess it's a dry sickness, and it burns your tongue like pineapple, yet, you're calm...
This is how far I got it.
I'm dying trying to figure out what does it tastes like.


Well, have good day/night.
I'm going to catch some sleep, tomorrow wear my new shirt, and leggings, and probably eat some nothingness and just rise my legs towards my stomach to make the pains go away (I did it today a lot).

Well.
Who knows what's going to happen tomorrow...


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.