Just a Nice Day

Well, day two went pretty good...
I guess....
Today for breakfast I ate around half an apple with cinnamon.
For lunch I ate 2/3 of tortilla with a bit of meat and lettuce and tomato for some taco/burrito thingy, and before it three pieces of some chocolatic dessert (It's called Klik, if you saw Emmy Eats Israel, she eats some),
And for dinner I ate two small pieces of tortilla with dark chocolate and apples, and the second piece was with chocolate and pecans, and I ate 2-3 almonds with the tip dipped in chocolate.
I know.
It's full of fats.
Bbut I promised myself that even if I break one day, it doesn't mean that everything is ruined.
It takes time, and practice, so I'll just need time.

I'm going to buy tomorrow the scale (probably), I really need to check up on myself.
That stupid 50+ weight is annoying!
Even 100 grams a day is good.
You know, just to know if I'm losing actually, and keeping up.

Well, today I enjoyed Ram.
It was good, though, I was cold.
I also learned Chinese.
And on Animation I was bored, and drained.

Well, then I went home, ate, made food, and just done things in My laptop, like Gluten Free recipes (I googled a bit, and what's I'm doing right now is called food porn, how weird), and planning what I'll make.
Then, practice, I was energized, maybe from all that damn high calorie foods.
And then, home, shower, those tortillas shit.
And that's it.

I drew a bit.
I'm trying to get better.
I do find new ways, and try better with shading.

I'm really trying to make new meals.
This is so exciting!
You make a special thing, eat a bit, and you see the joy of others because:
A. You made food.
B. It's new food.
C. It says that there is no chance you like to starve yourself.

My mom is fine with my eating as long as I eat a "strong" lunch.
I eat least as possible, I'm trying to come up with new things, but it's quite harder.

Maybe tomorrow I'll eat some my whole-wheat and extra fiber flakes (3/4 cup is 30 grams which are only 89 calories! IT'S SO FUCKING PERFECT!), Maybe with some milk and maybe if  I'll want some maple or honey for sweetness (probably not), but if not that delicous meal, I'll eat cucumbers with something to dip with (hummos or cheese).
I don't care much.
Then, for lunch some a bit of meatballs and a bit more of potatoes, afternoon snack If I'll be hungry, it will probably be my dark chocolate with the flakes.

Well, I don't know.
But I know that I enjoy that control I have.
I just tell you how it works for me.

I'm not listening to myself, I don't do what's actually good to me.
I'm loyal to others, but not for myself.
So  I made up a voice that is in my head, telling me what to do, reminds me.
It's working great.
It's a girl, she's skinny and have dark brown long hair I don't know much about her.
But she's reminding me what I'm doing it for.
I have no idea why, but everytime she takes her place and "talks", It's like there's pressure in the top-back of my head.
She's very nice.
I don't know her name, I just know she only wants to help.
She likes it when I drink water and eat less.
I like her.


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.