Nothing New

I hate her.
Seriously, I was considering to try to choke myself a bit with some rope I have, knowing it won't kill me, but only for the pain that will finally distract me from my curennt emotional pain.

She makes me miserable.
She makes me to want to die.
And she yells at me that I'm not leaving her, not leaving Israel.
Great, why won't you make me to be in the highly populated crowd of suffering people, anyway you can't live here and can't live like a person, you just stay here because you are afraid and raise another generation of miserable children in a terrible country.

She's screaming now, complaining about something.
I just heard my name in that yells of her.
I'm just happy hearing the songs in the letter R on full volume.
Who the fuck wants to live here anyway...

I wish I could just become some powerful creature and I should dissapear and join the others, to a better place.


I never noticed how calming and beautiful it is to hear music, and in the background roaring fights.
It's magical.
You are in a small bubble of heavinly peace while outside hatred is storming.
Like drinking a cup of sweet hot tea/cocoa while outside is raining.
Or watching any movie (works better for me with thrillers and horror movies, for others it's mostly for some depressing chick flick) with some strawberries and whipped creme, or ice cream with hot chocolate syrup, or strawberries with how chocolate.

Yay, Romance is now.
It makes my wrist hurt only by hearing it.
You have no idea how painful it is, somehow, each time I play it, the bone edge (left hand, wrist, left as possible, and there's a bone) is just in pain.


Well, only around 10 more years I'm here.
Well, until I'll join the army it's six, and then army which is almost three years, combined it's nine, and then I'll have to work hard -very hard- to gather money, probably 2 jobs and free time is for studying.
Yes, life will be stressful thing, but with my life style, it'll be good.

I just watned to say that in some point of the day I planned to drink some cleaning liquids, and to try to kill myself, but my dad was next to me afterwards, and my dad is such a good person, he gives me hope, and the reason I wanted to die, was my mom.
She still is the reason I'm miserable.

Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.