Ouch.

Okay, I fucking hate people.
Why do I have to go tomorrow to that stupid damn family.
It's anyway too much to do things on Saturdays for me, the only free day I have, everyday I tear my muscles up for that sport class.
I have no minute of relaxing, each day I have something to do.
Sunday is practice and school until 3.
Monday is guitar (Though I have the afternoon avilable).
Tuesday is Therpay (stupid therapy! I hate you therapy!).
Wednesday available, but I still have school.
Thursday is  Ram and practice.
And Friday I'm available (I have school).
And Saturday is actually the only day that I don't need to excresise.

Really, each day I wonder why I'm alive, and just reminding myself, that after I'll be twenty, this life  I'm having will be behind me, I can't do it, this country is terrible.
I think that because that the country is so young, it's becoming a teen, so fucking cofused!
Really.
Paradoxes are easier to solve than that damn place problems!
I go to sleep almost every night holding my left wrist in the other palm, just to be calmed that it's still full.
That in my dreams it won't be bloody.
And the nightmares.

The tragic details.


I had a dream, I made school an incredible art and mostly fashion show, ruled the school if I may say, and in one point the teachers wanted to kick me out, somehow I became the art teacher, and two children, one eight year old girl, and an eleven year old boy, and another 17 year old boy (I was sixteen in the dream, so it's a very nice age range to dream about), they helped me escape, we also escaped through a grocery store, hiding between kale leaves and bell peppers, then, we came outside, and the young boy's shirt was discovered to be two parts, it's an art piece.
Grey shirt with brown art, it's a boy and a girl, wind blowing on their short hair, and he's handeling her a flower (tulip if it matters), it's love, everybody is shocked and some 40 year old man picks it up (he helped us in the grocery store so he joined in), and the boy angerily screams "It's none of you buisness", crying and walking-running away, I call him out, the older boy tells me that we'll find him later, and the angry mob we hid from is coming, the dream stopped there.
How strange.
My dreams are getting weirder and weirder each night.


You know, I should've ordered the tickets when I could, because now I'm not going to that movie.
I just spent thirty minutes making a Swedish braid (Katniss braid), I wore the damn skeleton tights and a mathcing black shirt espacially, and now I fucking can't go there.

I'm wearing a fucking skeleton legs for four hours for damn nothing!


Why pirates like skulls and arm bones ln their flags?
I mean, yeah, it's sure looks unpleasant, but many things are unpleasant.

I'm a chocoholic, and I'm fine with that.
I'm stupid enough to let bad things to happen to me, and I'm fine with it.
I don't have many friends, and considered to be antisocial, and I'm fine with that.
I'm fine with myself.
How strange!
How can a teen girl be fine with her endless imperfections?

Well, at least I was right when I said that there is certainly something weird with me.

I never noticed how adorable I look with two simple buns (just a ponytail that was closed mid half, not swirled), so cute, exactly like a little girl.

...

Have you ever bleeded from you anus?
I just went normally to shit nicely in the toilet.
Well, it was so big (thicker than two penises!), and as long as one, but it was a bit sharp as well.
I just bleeded from there.
And after that painful exprience,  I learned few things.
One, is that almost nothing will hurt more.
Second, that the last time I ate so much I had to puke because my body couldn't take it, so how came that the second time I don't take the warning seriously.
Third, I'm ready for anal.

Ouch.


Well, there is nothing that some movie, a laptop on your lap (I noticed right now that the word laptop have lap in it, and it's where you put it, I wonder why it took me so long), and music cannot defeat.
Problem is solved with Pirates of the Caribbean (the Curse of the Black Pearl), blogging and making a springpad notebook full of inspiring things, and music near my rib.

I'm getting better with skin tones, I still need to work about it, because I'm not adding enough proper lighting, like greens hat are sometimes in, and reds, and some blues for cooler tones.

Well, I'm going to draw until I'll faint, I'll enjoy music, drink some water, and evantually go to sleep.

Goodnight lovely people.

Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.