Carb lies

I'm scared and glad I didn't cut last night. 

Well, I'm scared obviously if somebody will find, and from the vivid image of what will happen, my fear levels got so high and they weren't even real. 

....

Three girls near me are talking. 

Talking about weightloss. 

Hell. 

They talk about diets. 

In the same time I read my pro ana metrial. 

That's probably one of the things that will make me laugh afterwards. 

When I snap, which didn't happen for a while. 

She said she lost a kg a day because she didn't eat carbs. 

What was her stats back then?

That's my real question. 

You'd probably agree that a person that has a bmi of 22 will lose faster than a person with a bmi of 17, so what was her number. 

Okay. 

Sounds good enough. 

No carbs or at least the lowest amount of it. 

Just kidding. 

She ate carbs a lot, she ate cereal with milk (carbs and fat and a bit of protein), for school she ate what she got (bread with something probably, tons of carbs, fats and rarely a bit of protein), for lunch she ate corn soup (uh, depends what was in it, assuming it's with the soup powder, which is chemicals infused with fats and carbs), and for dinner she ate cabbage (uh, cabbage is nothing, a bit of carbs and that's it), now may I say,

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

I want to die now. 

It seems to be just a cruel joke. 

Today I'm going to eat soup (tomato soup) or whole rice with tomato. 

And dinner, depends if there will be a competition or not, and if there is, if I'll get the ride of the whole team or my parents will take me. 

I think I'll take the ride with the team. 

So my intake was my partly a binge breakfast (three biscuits 108, and a bit of oatmeal with hazelnut milk and a tiny bit of sugar probably below 200), a soup (small quantity, I assume less than two hundred), and water. 

I think I burned at least 30 this morning (15-25 minutes of ridig my bicycle), and I'll do it again to get back home. 

 Then I'll walk to the bus station if there's a competition (which is usually above sixty), and then I'll excresise my school usual excresises (twice, once for the school time second for the competition), great, I'd probably burn at least one meal with those, and if there will be some excresisey things in there, I'd lose even more!

That's fucked up, I stopped counting calories, is this what a mini relapse is?

Well, fuck. 

...

I jumped 125 on the new mattress. 

I'm always better when I'm emotionally loaded. 

I don't know why. 

Sadly, there is no competition today, and the date is unknown.