Sunday, March 30, 2014

Trigger (not a warning or something)

Well (have you noticed that I use this word multiple times in every post), last night I got triggered. 
Not fun. 
Not fun at all. 
Not only that it hurts in my head, and it makes me do something I wasn't supposed to do (I lived guilt free for three days, not fucking fair to ruin it), it also hurts my body, and it fucking sucks. 
Not only you think you're a failure, your body reminds you that you actually are one. 
I'm not feeling good anymore. 
Last night I already felt that I shouldn't eat so much. 
And I said "don't worry, it's nothing", and then I got triggered, now it's "you foolish girl, you thought you'll be happy in hell, welcome back, in order to be better you mustn't eat", and I can't go out. 
If I won't starve, I'll be overeating until the whole thing is over. 
And who knows, I don't want to reach fifties again!
Ever again!
I have a feeling that I did. 
And you have no idea how much I wan to cut but I can't because I'm going to be waxed on Wednesday, the whole body 
Fucking hell. 

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