Wednesday, May 7, 2014

RESINIFERATOXIN

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, with these wake ups where I suddenly sit, and speak, and then fall back down.
Today I was begging and saying "no... no..."
It was weird.
I don't know what it happens.
Maybe some alien-demon possessed my body and scientology healers will have to cure me and make me pay a shit-load of money in order that they'll do their weird rituals so that the thetans will leave but all in order from the lord-xenu, and if it doesn't work, then I have to try again, fully priced.
I want to read OT III now, it's believed that if you're not authorized to read it, you can get pneumonia, for me, I see it as a days off and their theory proofed, or as just another book to read and another way to call them unrealistic and ridiculous, unless they'll say that I was born without a thetan soul from some strange reason that they'd like.

I'm going to a trip with On school kids today.
I don't know if I told you about it before, but in case I didn't, it's a school that educates and creates an active social environment for children (in different ages, the youngest I know about is 12, and the oldest is about 19 or twenty something, which are obviously not the limits) that have Cerebral Palsy or another neurological problem that is manifested by problems with motoric function.
It's pretty much about it.
I love the kids.
Jonathan, is my age, and I absolutely love this guy, he is quite hyper to be honest, we actually had to run after him all the time in order to catch up with him, he ran all the time.


.....

I'm home, it's almost nine twenty pm.
I had a nice day, until four, but I'll explain later.
I was with On kids, and I was a bit with Rubena but mostly with Matan, and for a minute there, I was with Eddie (his hair is fucking gorgeous), and I enjoyed it.
I felt good most of the time (the words "fat" and "stupid" snuck up on me every once in a while, I think I kind of expected it thanks to the endless triggers made by my mother yesterday), and it was.. good.
At four, I went to Keren.
I suspect that she thinks that my main problem is my relationship with my parents, which is not true, it's those stupid hormones from hell, and my weird relationship with food, my unexpected hatred and shyness to long-term relationships, and pretty much that I screwed my body up in every way that I didn't think it's possible (I can't even enjoy music when some voices physically hurt, I'm quite tired from the same songs and artists, I go and buy randomly hoping that it wouldn't hurt).
People occasionally tell me that I don't have control, whether it's about food (mother), about thoughts (Keren), or delaying my need for gratification (Brit, who is our scout-like leader).
It sucks, and it's a trigger, because too many threads on MPA include the words "self control".
It fucking sucks, you know?
I don't want to be aware of those things!
I absolutely hate humans.

At six I went to the Kabria, which is where Brit is.
I went to there, I met Michael, and Yael, and  Shira, and Shani, and Dabush, and Gal (Av, not Gal, I miss her), and Savion, and more.
I enjoyed the activity.
Before it I ate a vegan hot-dog.
It was so awful.
I looked up for seiten (it was a seiten-hot-dog), and at first I wrote saiten, because I had no idea how to spell it.
On the first page I found something... Interesting.
Kurt Cobain and how much of a satanist he was, made by some religious christian person, in a website named Jesus-saves-you or something like that.
I treated it just like how a person who made a program about ed's and their online community treated the diets, respectlessly, and as they were the silliest thing ever.
The difference is between the fact that one is about a one dead person who influenced the world, while the other is about  a mental illness, and their solution for extreme and quick weight loss.
I personally think that everybody who will risk it's health -sometimes I write he and sometimes she and sometimes it, get used to the fact that I don't care that much, I learned this habit from the brilliant teacher from Ram, philosopher and a couple of degrees of Hebrew, and playing on the instruments that you aren't likely to meet a person playing, example, cello... WAIT, THAT GUY THAT WROTE THE SATANIST BIBLE AND THE SATAN-WORSHIPPING CHURCH FROM THE ARTICLE WAS SUPPOSED TO PLAY IN HIS CELLO ON NEVERMIND!-
I think that anyone the might risk his base needs for survival is already weird, the harder you go, the worse.

Okay, but this Christian article, I just started, and  I loved it.
HOW CAN YOU NOT?
I wonder if they have anything about scientology.
Scientology is the strangest religion/cult in the world in my opinion.
Then, there are those weird Jewish stuff, and Hare Krishna.
When I say weird Jewish stuff, it includes demons, child abuse, violence, a servant of the cult leader, extreme rituals, and what the hell not.
Most of them are old people, fucking their female servants, fucking their own children, hypnotizing (in some of them), banishing a thing or another.
I need to clean my room, goodnight good people.
Unless you are going to listen to my opinions about RTX.
Then you aren't much of a good of a person.

Wait, this guy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHfPggpguCo
I am going to purchase it, and I will use it on my last years of life.

I didn't clean my room, I need to learn to spell quicklier resiniferatoxin, resiniferatoxin, resiniferatoxin, resiniferatoxin.
I DID IT.
RESINIFERATOXIN.
FUCK YEAH.
RE-SIN-IFERA-TOXIN.
RESINIFERATOXIN.

I FEEL LIKE AN EVIL GENIUS.
I CAN SPELL SOMETHING THAT IF YOU EAT OVER 40 GRAMS OF, IT WILL GIVE YOU SEVERE CHEMICAL BURNS, AND IT MIGHT PROBABLY KILL YOU.


I need to rethink the meaning of everything.
I'm inspired by my brooding sims, thinking about the meaning of meaning.

Have a good night.

RESINIFERATOXIN.

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