Very long.

My headphones are here!
Sony MDR-ZX300, but it's also called MDR-ZX100, so... Anyway...
It's fucking awesome!
I've checked on this stereo test for making sure that my headphones are operating well.
Now I'm happy.
It makes me very happy.
Now, all that's left is my new drawing tablet (I think it's slightly larger than my non functioning Trust one) and I'm whole.
I personally love Sony's headphones.
I know that there are all those specific brands like skullcandy, and there are the brands that have many electronic objects, like Philips, and Samsung, but I  just love Sony's headphones.
If talking about music hearing head gear, let's talk about the earbuds, with the fucking gels on them.
I don't understand why, it feels so penetrating, if I can even use a word this way, but it feels like it's invading into spaces it shouldn't get.
I like my headphones to be plastic, not from that strange mushy substance.

I just love Silent Heroes of Gimbal & Sinan.
I have some free time today, which reminds me...
Today I'm going to Tel Aviv, because I'm not coming to school anyway, so my mother suggested it.

I'm watching Trad Goth Hot Topic Haul (Yes, it's possible) even though she's not my favorite gothic Youtuber, I watch her.
I love Sebastian a lot, but she doesn't upload just as much, I occasionally watch Toxic Tears oh, and TheGothicAlice too! But I can't find the name of the Youtube I absolutely love!

LeahMouse, that's the girl.
She's so wise, and understanding towards every fucking person.
There are many Youtubers that aren't, and there are some gothic assholes who do that as well!
The Youtubers that are rude sound like this to me.

From the epic movie White Chicks.
Yeah, the movie that made me laugh a lot while watching Suicide Room.
I just love those movies.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H8D9hyFaNY

Okay, this guy, is Zeroy Necrobat (just noticed that it sounds so fucking ridiculous so it can't be his name, my apologies), I find his coat/jacket/upper-clothing-piece very disturbing.
Why?

.......


I was at Tel Aviv, I bought some market trousers (f  I can call it this way) three, the long one is black, and the other two or knee length, one is red blood (|||||||)and the other is in this color ||||||||||| and I also purchased pajamas.
I also bought a horseshoe piercing, for my cartilage, and I can't open it, I hate having short and vulnerable nails.
I also bought a blue hat, it was quite cheap, and today I made my first print!
Blue hat and a cartoon that I love a lot.

Fuck yeah Dipper's hat!


It's me, I know that the logo is slightly too up, but fuck it!
I love it!


The color is burgundy, I forgot the name, and suddenly I thought about Anchorman, with the character of Ron Burgundy!
That's why the media can make you wiser.
Color names.


I need to have multiple countdown apps, one for fourteen, one for sixteen, one for sixteen, and another one for occasional things that make me suffer but will make me happy because I know that only a couple of years/months/weeks/days/hours/minutes/seconds of doing it and I'm free.
I just love it.


Okay, this is why I love Russian people:

http://m.metatube.com/en/videos/157542/Fat-Guy-Dancing-Born-This-Way-in-the-Store/

It's a Russian guy dances to Born This Way.
Actually it's more performs, it wasn't a dance, it was too epic to be a dance.


I just love Buzzfeed!
The Wikihow!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mariasherm/hot-topic-is-no-longer-just-for-teen-goths

But seriously, Hot Topic isn't scary.
You know what is scary?
Feeling that you get stupid by the minute while you're in a small store with very dim lights and black walls, and you can't find a single thing, and it's only merchandise and people tell you that it's a music shop, but no! It is not! And you see a pair of fourteener males and they wear their white Black Veil Brides shirt and you just know that you should run away! Teenagers in the age of fourteen will cause a disaster.
And I fucking hate hate them when we're in a cramped store.
It's not fair, you feel that you can't breath while you're in a small store with a lot of black and no females.
It's fucking TLV...

Wait.
I just get it, those kids were probably from north Tel Aviv, southerns and centerals from Tel Aviv aren't that wealthy.
They were also very white, they got more points in being the atypical white rich kid.
Like they came from my city or from my area at least.


I think that Zeroy is German or something, I'm thousand percent sure that his european.


Okay, back to the article, the reaction of the author's mother to the nose piercings!




From the article as well.
But just imagine it on very dark (navy?) blue instead of black and something that looks like worn out gold instead of silver, and imagine it on a Finnish singer.
I'm really happy.
I just love a lot of Finnish people, a pair of Finnish businessmen worked with my father with opening a factory or something in China.
They ate shwarma or something.


Oh fuck! I love it!
Being Alternative/Goth in Israel - My Experience.
I love that person.
But first tell me, is he shirtless or it's a white shirt or something?
I am so fucking confused by men.
Stupid genders.

He probably lives in the south, he said...
What?
He's near Tel Aviv?
WHERE NEAR IT?!
My city is also near Tel Aviv.
But we have plenty of cities near it, everybody wants to live near it, it's the central of everything.
I love this guy.
Stabbing!


Okay I'm reading the article (I'm a fucking multitasker) and I just saw the word Hidden Track.
I think that the Hidden Track that I have is actually hidden, because it simply doesn't exist I got almost three minutes of silence.
I also have a song of Avenged Sevenfold that simply stops in the middle.


I know that people will hit him, the only reason that you can avoid being hurt, is to be stronger, and learn to have the reflexes of a cat, and have a nice guy willing to stab you with a silicone dagger to help you get better with avoiding death and you'd stab him as well.
Fucking fun.


I love this guy, a lot.
Alternative shop in Tel Aviv?
There are a couple of ones, I know tattoo shops, but I also know some hot-topic like store, more the recent style the Hot Topic has.
I found a rubber bracelet of The Beatles, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Linkin Park (was about to buy it, but I know that I don't like wearing most accessories), and Black Veil Brides.
I also find a lot of cool stuff, like hair extensions, and a couple of hats.
More of a scene kid shit rather than good merchandise, where I know where I can find, but it was closed.

He's making music as well?
Can I just have a picture of me with him, I fucking love him enough, and his Israeli, I can legitimately talk to him, even though that he might be my father, age-wise.



I can't wait for the moment of when my brother will use a ton of hair gel, I'd probably talk about it a lot.

A year or two ago, I had a bottle of hairspray that left, and I just offered my hairstyling skills.
I have those skills because in my family there are three different barbers, and two of them own a hair salon.

I'm deleting Republique from my phone, it's 1.3 Giga, it's an iPhone, it's made to put music, write shit, and to give you the label of a fucking title of a rich brat kid.


........


Okay, I need to finish reading about Romanticism, I read it while reading about the gothic culture, and I thought that "Romanticism" as people who spoke one of the Romance languages, but nope, it was a movement long ago, I think in Europe.


Rebellion?
dad makes fun of his son for looking like marilyn manson
Oh, okay, he also got failing grades.
I remember when I used to fail on purpose in order to "rebel".
I consider it as more of proofing that I am not what you consider me being.
Being in control.
I enjoy making the decision.

Oh fuck, the fact that she's complaining that he's too young for having society to do anything to him.

Do not speak, teenagers today are very different than what they'd used to be.
And in a couple of decades later, it'd be different again.


Oh, fuck!
I know what I forgot about Marilyn Manson!
Remember Yaheli, the vegetarian sort of punk (?) wannabe that is super rude and arrogant?
Well, her friend is a girl who digs Marilyn Manson.
I'm not even kidding, heavy eye make up, one red and one white eye contacts, and a lot of selfies (seriously) with poses that seems to be threatening and brutal.
The appropriate reaction is to console me, for living in Israel, where stereotypes live mostly because there is only one or two people with a certain affection to a culture (I'LL NEVER DEGRADE A THING TO BE A SUBCULTURE! NEVER! just kidding, Ii'd probably do it, just like when I write "Rock" and "rock") and they are the stereotypes, which makes it pathetic.
If I love a certain thing that I'm hundred percent the same as the other (if this even person exists) one who likes it.
Meaning, I like to wear those baggy market trousers, does it make me a dancer? No.
Does it make me a very typical girl? Probably yes.
But it happens to much.

I personally don't listen to Marilyn Manson, simply, because I didn't enjoy it on the first couple of time, and I won't force myself.
But if I did, does it nece....


WAIT!
SHE'S A FANGIRL.
OH FUCK.
It changes everything!
You can be a fangirl, and you can be a female appreciator.
Fanguy/girls are annoying.
They are the people who will say "OWMAHGOD" and will be obsessed, sickly obsessed.
It's fucking annoying, they are on fucking repeat, I know the band members of One Direction better than the people in my own music files.
It's so fucking weird.
Harry Liam Zayn Niall and Louis.
It took me a while to remember two of them.
I also know that they've recently done drugs.

I personally don't have anything against drugs, but if you were such a huge icon for youngsters all around the world, then you should probably give a very good "preppy perfect person" example.
Some kids are too dumb and uneducated to understand that there's difference between being thirteen with a boyfriend to being thirty with a boyfriend.



I really hate most people who are being made fun of.
Fuck you you fucking lousy pussies!
Learn to stand or your fucking selves.

There are two options to handle a situation the right way (there are too many ways to handle it the wrong way), one is very maturely and seriously, as many of the tweens and teens will stop because they fucking see you are serious, or that they'll just feel scared because you're acting like their parents, and there's the other option, use violence, because violence always works.
Prove it wrong and you're getting a slave for a day (too bad that people don't feel comfortable with slaves only after a week! Only I'm going to probably make the slave feel so fucking awful for accepting it, I'm an evil bastard, what can I possibly say to making me seem alright?).
One prime minister in Israel was shot, and one of the slogans is that Violence is not the option.
Violence is always an option, it was proven to work the best.
Who will fucking argue with you?!

But seriously, people who are made fun off, don't give a fuck.
At all.
Block yourself emotionally if you'd like, but do not give them the prize of making you visibly hurt.
Fucking yell on them that you wish their death, or that they should to commit suicide (assholes like these would probably remember me, wishing their death, telling them to end themselves, oh well, remember that people like me are never going to back down unless I chose it) and occasionally saying them to go and fuck themselves.

I'm taking a goth test, I'd probably shove the results ot every single hole to my friends who call me goth.


Oh fuck.
Question number four (here) is asking a question that I can't answer.
We only have American Eagle around, but I need to find something for accessories/music in English.
Worst case scenario will be the food court.
By the way food, today I ate a vegan burger.
It reminded me that I need to print a shirt that says "Veggies is murder ; Eat meat!" and "#LetTheCarrosLive", and don't give me that "But you're a vegan shit", you know me, being really sarcastic and enjoying the simple stuff of life.
I love it.


Okay, I found out what Pacsun is, I wonder if it's still illegal to hurt girls who wear band tees that are just "pretty", because I just saw a t-shirt with the word Nirvana, I assume that the average doesn't know the meaning of the name (thanks to Pastor Schimmel I know everything better, thank you Jesus Is Savor!)....


Well, I just found this the following sentence in my Blogger Profile and got distracted.

Ed Sheeran, Black Veil Brides, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, Old Demi Lovato.

Ed Sheeran I don't have anymore.
Same story with Black Veil Brides and Demitria.

Linkin and Romance (I feel like I'm writing some really important wikipedia page while using only one name like this!) are still here, even though that on Linkin I switched albums.

From the very illegal Living Things to the happily lawful Recharged.

Before I proceed, I just wanted to say that...

I forgot.

The whole purpose of that beginning was to remember.

Okay, back to the quiz.

Question 9.

Industrial is a genre I probably never heard before, rap is nope (nu metal and rap rock doesn't count as rap, does it?) and I love Britney when it's translated.

I'm going for Britney.

I'm a poser-wannabe by the maker.

I got only 3 out of ten correct.

As it seems to be, you can be a "wrong" person.

What is it?

THIRD REICH?!

Okay, this is the only occasion where learning a shit-ton about the Holocaust every fucking year is useful.

I'm reading about room design and decoration on Wikihow...

Oh wait!

I remember a funny thing that I saw today.

The car named "Pajero".

Which means wanker in Spanish.

I know that my room design and decoration doesn't really matter.

I do everything around my beanbags.

I have my books here, pencils, cds, all kinds of stuff, and I'm an arm away from my drawers, with everything else I need.

I sleep and only sleep on the bed.

I don't find my desk's top part as a necessary part.

I just put there my bean bags for having a more comfortable and larger area.

And if I could, I would put a Bonehilda Coffin.

Bonehilda is a skeleton maid from Sims 3 Supernatural.

I don't like her on Sims, because she scares my babies and my animals.

And Willow and the other two from the triplet are annoying enough while they're crying from loneliness/hunger/dirtiness.

Okay, since I was on the gothic side, then I got a gothic room guide, since it started with having an organised room, then fuck it, I'm going to see something else.

I currently have three sets of pajamas that need to get washed around my room, near me there are leftovers of food and boxings, I have bags of clothes,, and my messenger is on the floor, and I'm not going to start deeply with my desk.

I'm just saying that I have many clothing pieces up there, on white, and my Dipper Pines cap.

Okay, I clicked on it because it seemed ridiculous it is.

"How to Start a Trench Coat Club"

Oh fuck.

It's so weird.

The guys from The Face Creepypasta are more normal than them!

I found something lovely!
"How to Create a Book/Novel Themed Room"

Wait, which should I pick?

A book about a white-ass immortal vampire who sparkles?

No! I should pick a dark skinned and dark haired Italiana immortal whose six hundred years old thanks to some red substance!

Even better! A deep and unrealistically sensitive (and Instagram/Tumblr girls' ideal boyfriend) and is also an aberration.

No! A fallen angel named Patch!

Yeah...

WAIT NO! A boy whose father left him and he draws beautifully!

NO! Maybe about a boy trying to solve the case of having a place getting burnt to the ground and the burner is the pyromaniac janitor.

Fucking lovely, isn't it?

Sadly, it's not a movie themes.

So no Regina Gorge's theme for me (Mean Girls), and no Dominic Santorski or Sylwia themed, and... OH NO!

Not Yumi room?! Oh fuck!

My room smells like some sort of a gas, it smells like... Teen Spirit?

Just kidding, but I had to.

It actually smells like acetone with gasoline.

And hair dye.

Where is the guide named "How to create a toxic-waste themed bedroom"?

I have a brilliant idea!

I need to make a hand first!

I'm going to put an arm on my light switch.

The more fake blood, the better.

It'd be like expecting some hardccore stereotypical baby-bat or just a gruesome cult member's room, but nope, just plain white room with two purple bean-bags and a very-dark-brown closet.

"How to Create a 'Nightmare Before Christmas' Themed Room"

Too bad that there isn't one inspired by Victoria's room or the netherlands from Corpse Bride.

The fact that Helena plays the corpse bride named Emily, and Emily plays the actual bride, named Victoria!

It's fucking pissing off!

Oh!

Why there isn't any "Needy" room or Jennifer's room? Inspired by currently listening to New Perspective (the song from Jennifer's Body that Panic! At The Disco made).

Why there isn't a room inspired by Cirque The Freak?

Circus themed!

...

Maya is on the phone with me right now, she talks to me about how fun it was on the water-skiing activity.

I don't regret (at all) that I didn't go there.

In fact, I'm quite glad that I haven't.

I don't handle breakdowns and stress.

I would legitimately cry.

And attempt to hurt myself in various not-very harmful ways.

I would see all of the thin and fit girls (and sometimes the emaciated as well) and would hate myself.

Gladly, I know what's healthy for me mentally, and I know that I feel bad without hurting myself, because I can't cope elseway (or I cut, or I hold it inside, waiting for cutting), but trying to deal with being untrusted and held nude to be checked on is thousand times worse.

I'm considering to ask my parents for replacing a therapist.

I can't fucking stand Keren.

I'm sorry, but I need a therapists that helps with your current problem, and doesn't make the patient feel the need to form itself to an actually eating-disordered patient only because she works with those kinds of kids.

I really want to cut.

I have razors near my bed always.

But I don't use them, they are too visible.

Now it's only my clock.

It doesn't even hurt half the time (sometimes I manage to do good ones, but even then, it's not as strong as cutting deeply, something that I'd try in a little less than five years), but it's the closest thing that I can get.

It's skin pinching.

Very weak, but it's better than nothing.

And it's far less visible than smashing my hand into the wall, isn't it so?

I was starting to watch Spiderwick (for the second time in my life!) again.

I didn't remember many details.

But I know that Jared likes to hit stuff when his angry.

Simone is his sister's bitch.

And the sister (googling name) Mallory, is a bitch.

....

I see all kinds of room ideas.

A vampire room, I assumed that it'd include staying away from the sun.

I can't stay away from the sun, what would Carlos do?

Carlos is my chilli pepper plant.

It has four or so peppers already growing.

Their names are:

Anthony.

Michael.

Chad.

Josh.

Why did I specifically picked these names?

Simply.

A band named "Red Hot Chilli Peppers"

I just loved the idea of naming them this way.

I didn't know that you can My-Chemical-Romance-themed bedroom.

How can you pos... Why?

Why would anybody fucking do it?

One damn explanation!  Just one!

Also Nirvana themed.
Band or name?
I personally would rather see a Kurt Cobain room.
Just for the dolls that are hanged by a noose, and that shit.
Maybe I loved Pastor Schimmel's article too much.
But it was actually well.

I see a lot of shit in the design shit.



I posted quite a lot, didn't I?



Well, how to design a creepy room?
Have a blank room to be in, and make sure there's no light at all, it's pitch black.
Then, have a door, leading to another pitch black room, open.
Sit in the middle, and look towards the door.
Have fun.
It's from a cp named The Game.
Or, listen tight, like John Nobody's cell from that weird CP I forgot.
Or even better, the scientific pastas.
Best so far, NoEnd House, fuck yeah!


....


I'm trying to find something that's similar to my case.
Getting anxious after being social, but being very confident at "expressing yourself" (if I can call this blog as some way to express myself, even though I don't like using this word) on other ways.
Long story short, I don't like socializing with many people, and I almost always feel shame and stress after saying anything, but it happens less with only some of my friends ("friends" as friends who are real friends, not classmates or stuff), but I just can't stand it most of the time.
Is it normal?
It's not Social Anxiety at all.
Why? Because I can do many things that they simply can't.
I can talk to people, I can be very confident with certain people (mostly the ones that piss me off), and I can do a whole bunch of things that I don't even think about.
I can go to do stuff alone, I can do plenty of stuff.
But I can't be very social with people, I can't have many friends, and I simply can't stand being watched and judged.
I stopped sketching in my notebook for a month, because I was too stressed about letting them know anything.
I don't do many things simply because I fear being judged.
Wow I'm so fucking hypocrite.
Judging others freely in here, but hate to be judged.
Another reason why I'm so disgustingly awful.

I just don't understand what's the problem with me.


Maybe when I'd stop eating and start making a real problem I'd be okay. 

....

Like everything that I touch ends', my computer died. 

Fucking fun, how am I supposed to survive now? How can I calm myself down?

I can't. 

I would probably debate with myself tonight whether I should or shouldn't tell Keren. 

I'd be too stressed to say anything, but I have to, for myself. 

Now I should full intentionally speak my heart even if it's hurt her. 

I cannot allow myself to continue this way. 

I should tell her, but what would I say?

That I want to cut myself all the time but instead I find ways to pinch my skin and hurt my hands' palms?

Or that I constantly feel pressured to have an eating disorder by her previous patients with eating disorders?

Maybe the fact that I can't stop being stressed after almost doing everything near people?

Maybe just the fact that I feel like a waste of time because nothing in me is real, and I feel that it wouldn't matter much if I'd die, simply because I have nothing to offer to anybody, and the only reason that I don't do it, is so I won't screw my siblings' mental state. 

My life are quite pathetic, I have everything that I could possibly want, but I don't enjoy it. 

I disgust myself. 

I should consider telling it to her. 

And as I know myself, I should probably force myself to blurt it out before any chance that logic will come.