I'm reading now a lot of BPD.
Most chances are that I won't stop reading about mental illnesses until somebody will finally explain to me what the hell is wrong with me (puberty will probably be the diagnosis), I need to find an explanation before I'd do anything else.
I just hate having an I solved mystery (that sometimes makes me miserable) to carry with me.
I hate carrying stuff like that in me.
Tell me the answer, and I might just feel free!
I don't care that it sounds really dumb, but that's me, give me something an trust me, I'd be okay.
In fact, I'd be more than just okay, I'd be so much better!
...
I'm thinking about not telling anything to her.
Why?
If I wouldn't, then I'd be able to run the long distances and continue with my plans of unhealthy behaviour.
I want to run unbelievable lengths because I need to fit in.
I feel like I don't belong into the sports classes, which sucks, because I don't see myself doing anything else.
I have to get rid of the very destructive therapy sessions, or to get rid of my guitar lessons (almost three years!), because both give me great stress.
I feel like I'm unworthy for both.
It sucks.
In both cases I have the unexplainable urge hurt myself.
I need my long and strong nails back.
That, or to become wolverine.
Two options.
I guess that I'm more likely to do the first one.
...
My history book was stolen!
How do I know?
Oh, that's easy, when I came back from science I saw my fucking locker open with the lock inside it! AND I COULDNT FIND MY DAMN BOOK!
I want to break something.
This is frustration that I can't bring on myself, it's a simple anger, that has nowhere to go, and if I won't break something, then I won't be surprised if soon I'll blame it on myself.
....
I just keep on reading about BPD in teenagers, like whether it's BPD or just plain teen moodiness.
I was amazed that they've mentioned something that my therapist (that I need to switch!) mentioned, that I'm "not allowing myself to feel anger", actually, I'd rather to hold myself and not hurt others.
Sometimes I do hurt them, and I can't stand it.
And you know how true it is.
....
The lovely face of the devil.
Not.
Yali. I want her to gain the unwelcoming weight of puberty.
I want her to have a sick self image.
I want her to hate herself so much.
I want her to envy me.
That's why I'm doing all that I do, don't I?
All of that bullshit, is for my little sweet revenge.
If that's not pathetic and offensive, then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry, what if all of me is so fake, only to cover my deep-down just another competitive narcissistic bitch?!
Am I in some sort of fucking denial?!
I'm so pissed off!
Funny, Yali was once the girlfriend of Itay.
Our typical relationship with each other.
Me, trying to be actually the best friend that anybody can have, and her, trying to destroy me for actually being somewhat popular simply because I'm nice.
I had a severe crush (I only loved deeply one person in my life, I still do, but now, I don't know if she's alive at all) and she dated him.
I also assume that they weren't very affectionate or even considered each other as nice.
He was there just for the status and she was there for hurting me.
Our relationship is some mix between Ever to Haven, or Ever to Stacia, or Miles to Haven, the classic betrayal.
Even though that it's Ever to Stacia without the sweet and happy ending.
But sadly, I don't have a goddamn immortal powers and an immortal boyfriend, do I?!
I wonder what I am.
A bitch deep down, or who I am now.
Maybe I'm just who I am with a bitch deep down that I'm in denial about.
....
I was thinking about it, I'm not an "easy" case in the therapy sessions.
I'm nowhere in the books.
I'm not anorexia or bulimia she's used to.
I'm not even ednos much.
I'm not depressed or that I have bipolar disorder (manic depressive) or anything of that sort.
I'm not a psychopath either.
I collect a couple of symptoms of each illness.
Why? Because I'm pretty much a hypochondriac person.
And how the fuck can you possibly treat such a thing? You cannot.
All you can do is be told to shut the fuck up.
But it's nice, you understand better everything.
Why?
You learn so much about health (in my case mostly mental health) and you have to expriment those things so you understand how to feel others.
Sympathy to the maximum, something the psychopaths usually don't have, so I am not one, but I don't feel remorse as much.
I believe in my decisions.
I know that sometimes it brings me torture, and I complain a lot about it, but I don't regret it.
I don't feel shame either.
I avoid feeling this way.
Shame for me is expressed through self loathing.
...
I hate it all.
....
I'm rereading depression on Wikipedia.
I just felt that I forgot a lot about it.
My mood isn't low, it's not very high either, it's like middle-low-low (like north-west-west, which is north-west but more to the west) but with an optimist-realist point of view.
....
Okay, I see why am I going to therapy.
I just had multiple breakdowns after my locker was broken and appearanlty not only my history book was stolen.
After crying a lot, and thinking that if I be forced to pay, I was going to the girls' toilet, put myself in one of the cubicles, and use my scissors to cut myself on my thigh, and in my strange imagination it was deep enough to text my mother and tell her that I've just cut myself and it might need some medical attention.
It was that bad.
I was so nervous, I got nauseas.
I'm now shaking (that's so weird I remember that I shook once after a panic attack from a roach) and sometimes I have those weird after-cry breathes, of trying to inhale but it's interrupted slightly.
I just couldn't take it, and stress was building up because they had some other businesses.
At some point I saw Michael (the educator of the other ports class, she can be very loud and sometimes she seems mean, but she's so sweet and nice, I really wish that she'll continue to be their educator, I join them anyway) and she was yelling at Dankel "DID YOU STOLE A BOOK?!" And I didn't relate it than, but it might've been the thing that convinced her to do the action I'm about to tell you about.
After pleading with two teachers that it was stolen and crying (not those noisy cries, more like tears and a lot of pain trying to be released) the teacher that was responsible for everything let me go and said that everything is alright and I don't owe anything to school.
I'm so released now.
Even though that I hate crying and that it doesn't make me feel better half the time (I hate myself after crying even more) it quote helped now.
I guess I can get very emotional when there's a lot of stress.
The amount of tears I've cried in the past two months is insane.
I think that I lost around a cup and a half or two in that time amount.
It seems like a very large amount, but I cannot handle many pressures.
I can deal with maximum three at a time.
And even then barely.
I have to deal with the illogical need to have an eating disorder.
I have to deal with the unending thoughts about the future, mostly law, as with my fear of joining the army (21 mental), or my need to self harm from various reasons.
And I assume that that's it.
I might have more but I don't think about them now.
Okay, I feel excited now (that bad thoughts ended abruptly by unexplained happiness), soon I'm getting a great graphic tablet, and I'll print shirts.
I have an awesome father and two epic siblings.
I'm happy.
Very happy right now.
Strangely happy.
In a way that it slightly scares me.
Oh well, I'm happy, when you're happy you don't ask question like that!
Imagine explaining it to Keren.
I had a mental breakdown and I cried a lot and I thought about physically harming myself but then I entered to some euphoric dimension and I feel a lot better now!
Yeah... No.
Today's going to be weird anyway.
I feel the fact that my body is empty right now, as it's supposed to feel hungry and my tomach grumbled slightly.
I just smiled like an excited wanna and squeezed my stomach's fat.
I guess it's quite weird of me.
Oh!
Today is the last session before a two months break from her.
Well, as long as I don't make any problems...
....
Okay, normal-ish mood again.
Those were ten minutes of unexplained euphoria.
My head hurts now.
...
Five minutes later and I feel alright, no pain, I have the need to move a lot now.
I'm also reading about nuerochemicals and I'd probably head off to specific ones and maybe neuroscience in general.
Now, if there's a way to create them with some plants or something, I'd find a way to make stuff happen.
Maybe become an alchemist... Too much Evermore and shit... Nevermind.
.....
I'm home, I'm back from therapy, I've been told that on July I will have meetings.
It makes me want to fucking die.
Another month of having to be numb, even though that it's the fucking summer break.
Break of people.
I can't do that.
Do I really need a reminder of how crooked my thinking is thanks to the damn puberty and the imbalanced neurochemicals that do shit, even though that they can do magical things like "love" and "happiness" and all sort of stuff...?
Well, I don't need it.
I don't need the reminder that I should have an eating disorder either.
I just hate people.
Oh! Guess what I didn't do? Told her my problems!
I don't think I'd ever do.
I'm not the kind of person that talks about that stuff.
.....
I'm watching Why People CUT (The REAL Reason + My Story)
I don't feel that my stuff is for attention, it's more of a release, and pleasure, and it actually depends.
Sometimes I'd like it for the wave of ease that it brings.
Sometimes to vent out any pain/sorrow/negative-feeling-from-the-sort with it.
Sometimes just for a punishment, whether it's to educate myself, or just randomly because I'm such a shitty person.
With it, I feel awful just for not being real, while he was under a lot of suffering (and sometimes still is) and I'm just there, nothing at all.
Fucking lovely, isn't it?
.....
I just heard a strange song named "Ex Lover's Lover" of an artist named Voltaire.
He makes Dark Cabaret (I just learned that I love that genre by his The Devil's Bris album) and he also makes Dark Wave (that strange genre from Sims!), Folk, Gothic Rock, Soft Rock, and Symphonic Rock.
I just love that The Devil's Dris album!
The lyrics are very simple and I don't need to actually dig into shit to understand what the fucking poet meant, which sometimes gets on my nerves sometimes.
But the music is reminding me of a music teacher that taught us in my second kindergarten and from the first to the fifth grade as well.
OH FUCK.
I just clicked on Shalom from his album, I was intrigued by the name (obviously).
I just know that song very well.
It's a very classic name.
Even though that I think I he was wrong in the lyrics.
Oh wait he was right, I guess that there are just too many versions because nobody always remembers it.
It happens also in our fucking national anthem.
But that's another story.
But I have something else to tell you about.
The niece of Haneen Zoabi made a video that explaining a lot of his and many other Arab Israelis thoughts of the kidnapping.
I personally find it great.
My mother said that his stupid and his aunt is right.
FUCK NO.
He wants peace, he understands the grief of the families, and supports the return, not like the fucking dumb aunt that was chosen to our legislative and main politic organization.
A person who hates Israel so much was elected to join there.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
The teenager whose her relative is better for Israel than her, he's patriotic, he's supporting the country, not one religion side, he supports the land, the Israelis, the ones who consider themselves Israelis rather than by adding some word that describes them and the word "Israeli" with it.
Like Jewish-Israeli or Arab-Israeli.
It pisses me off.
...
I'm so confused by relationships between inner-ranks within cultures.
Like baby bats and the way that they are treated to by goths.
What the fuck are you?
Minors?
I'm sorry, but only there it happens.
Especially on the ages of 9-12 and 13-18.
I stopped doing so from the simple reason that this is who they are and that's fucking it.
Why am I talking about it?
It's fucking fascinating.
My baby bat times and talking about the goth subculture and goth in general
I just wonder what the fuck.
Goth is mentality, I find it that with many personalities that it can be wonderful, some people are plain shitty.
Wow, do I really need to check now Motionless In White's lyrics and Marilyn Manson's lyrics?
Okay, Manson's Beautiful People reminds me some songs I know, and same with Immaculate Misconception of Motionless.
I just can't really enjoy Manson's music simply because what he represents.
And it's a thing you can't simply forget.
From the other side, Megadeth will be a band that even though that I don't listen to, I actually support them, why? Because they aren't hateful towards Israel.
Two or so from their band are actually pro-Israel which is super awesome.
.....
I watch so many Baby Bat videos.
I don't understand it.
I'm so confused.
So many guides and tips, it's ridiculous.
You don't see me explaining you how to be a better poison reader, do you?
Even though that you can legitimately do this:
Have weird facial expressions and be shooted with them in mid-face, happened once at the gifted filming event, I told very excitedly to my friend "HE HAS A BEARD!" with the most majestic smile as I just saw the tooth fairy or santa claus or Eliyahu Hanavi or something, it was so epic.
Bring yourself torture with a book series, this is... WAIT.
I thought that it was Evermore!
It's Everlasting.
Evermore is the first! The one I haven't read yet, well, that's awkward.
But anyway, the cover is really epic, it has two layers, the top one is Ever and on the bottom it says "Will their love pass its greatest test?" and beneath there's Damen you can also see him on top, because of the way that they've cut the cover, and below Damen there's "Is this the end for Ever and Damen?".
SPOILER ALERT: I'm in the part where she starts her journey, I think that they will be together at the end but with some twist, like, they have different love or something, unless that Alyson wants to torture us even more.
But the facial expression shit.
This is a picture, shooted by Maya.
She does that a lot.
Anyway, back to Baby Bat...
Oh! I wonder where's my Disney skellington hat right now!
Probably in the drawer near my bed.
Where I have all kinds of junks, and papers, and razors, and sketchbook shit, and pens and everything.
Well, I'm glad to say that I'm not a baby goth, I'd never be one, I'd jump straight ahead to the gothic culture, why?
Because that's me, or you think this way or you don't.
I wonder why people want to become goth, it's just thinking.
I can't stand stupid people.
DO NOT CALL GOTHS WHO ARE GOTHS FOR LESS TIME BABY-GOTHS.
Goth bands?
I enjoy non-goth bands that are considered to be goth to others.
How?
I mean, or that I don't understand hundred percent goth, or that goth people don't understand me.
I pick the second choice, while I'm going to understand why they dont' understand me.
Okay, I won't, because I'm not researching anything before I finish with Katatonia (a band), Neurochemicals, the Romanticism movement, and the hip-hop album named PTSD.
You know me, googling weird shit.
Oh, and some deeper research about Edgar Allen Poe (I've promised to do it to myself when I was seven) and some research about H.P. Lovecraft.
You know, usual shit.
Oh, and I need to find a video of my relative that's the best unicycle user (I have no idea how to say it elseway -unicycler?) in our country, which is pretty awesome, and he can do juggling with 7 balls.
Have I mentioned that I have a lot of relatives?
I go through cramps.
Have I said before that on my periods I tend to wear a lot of white?
It's really weird, on the non-period days I wear my usual black, and on my period I wear mostly white.
I don't make sense, and I don't own you an apology, I'm not obliged to make sense.
Baby bats are another word for beginner goths and posers in the very self-aware gothic world.
That's adorable, like cute-adorable.
Mable sort of adorable.
Okay, continuing with reading and watching and multitasking, I continued with Voltaire.
He used to film with super 8 camera film.
For me, I watched the movie Super 8, which is amazing!
And he also teaches... Drumroll!... STOP MOTION!
And he acted in a movie that seems very strange and interesting, Model's Hunger.
I'd watch it.
I think met a poser today...
Okay, I love that guy.
Metal is not a phase; Metal is for life.
Metal is another genre, you might change your taste.
You saw me, changing a lot, didn't you?
Now I'm more into various rock types, which is awesome, I partly consider metal as rock, because of hard rock, and a lot of confusion that began a couple of decades ago.
And I also listen to hip hop inner genres, like Alternative hip hop and New Jack Swing which is also known as Swingbeat.
I also have those alternative specific things and a lot of confusing things
Okay, I was going through my genres and tried to make sure my data is correct, and suddenly... You wouldn't believe it, but I was on iTunes, suddenly I see Be My Baby - Single Frank fucking Iero.
So I had to google it and the lyrics.
I am so happy that I did so.
Anyway, lyrics are here and the audio is here.
I'm so happy that I've made that desicion.
I had that stupid "I JUST SAW A RAINBOW" sort of smile.
And another song.
I have a great video for showing you what I feel when I see music that I find fascinating and making me really happy.
I'm currently trying to find the video and create the gif.
Sadly, I'm only a newbie when it comes to giffing.
I have no idea how do I add words, but I need to add "It's a baby girl! Whose pregnant! With another baby girl!" because it's so fucking lovely.
That gothic girl, oh she loves Gaga!
Okay I suddenly like you a lot now.
I'm a Goth! :)
I love people who are trying to justify, it seems so ridiculous.
I do justify, but usually briefly.
I need to rewatch made.
Mtv's Made.
Why?
But only the ones with the bands, once there was a guitarist who came to teach the girl while she bought her guitar and she was really excited (well you just got your dream come true, I'd probably hug the cameraman before anything "TELL YOUR MOTHER I LOVE HER FOR GIVING BIRTH TO YOU") and I remember that or I started to know the band or something, but I don't remember anything more than that.
I DON'T REMEMBER ALMOST ANYTHING.
I remember short moments, I remember the rappers from the parties and the fedora guy, and the guy who puked on a dress, and a girl with three different dresses, and the bad-ass pony who banged his unicorn to the girl's head.
I remember a lot of that stuff.
Even that twenty four year old who had a pre-party on a pirate ship.
I loved him, it's better to do it when you can legally drink alcohol.
But that was Sweet Sixteen, but now back to Made.
On Made, once there was a tomboy, who was simply very masculine, and from some reason, I was told by my mother that she probably was told to not shave so it'd be better for the show, but I remember her bleeding armpits.
I loved it.
I love all the ones who enter beauty shows.
I remember many things from there, also from nerds to preps or more popular.
It was epic.
One guy, was blonde and bearded and he was the most popular guy in school and he gave her the things she got from Made, and all I was thinking about for the whole show, WHY THE BEARD.
You can't have that kind of beard with that kind of blonde.
But you can have dreadlocks.
Why?
Because I said so, and I read The Immortals a lot, and I had two different descriptions of Jude, one in Hebrew and one in English, and it was changed in Hebrew.
It was weird.
But now it's better.
Wow I write too much these days, don't I?
On word with the size of 11 and Calibri font, it's fourteen pages and almost four thousand words.
I don't know if you like it or not.
I assume that it's a headache if you are a person who reads everything, but it's more options for the ones who doesn't.
Even though that it's hard to understand some parts if you don't read everything.
You know what I don't understand?
Extreme clothing sides, and not as you're fucking personal choices of artistic loveable stuff.
Like Justin J. The human Ken, he's so lovely, very charming, I personally think that it'd be very hard if there will be any infections, but he is so brave, and is very aspiring, his body is his canvas, and in his case, it's more of fimo or something.
I love him.
But like weird people who has no idea what they are wearing or stuff...
That pisses me off, that shit I call posers, even though I don't like using it, but poser is the only word, as I won't call them sheeps, as it's... Wait, they are sheeps.
And usually they are whiny.
Examples who are partly mean:
"But MAWM! I really want the 00g ear lobes! IT'S NOT A PHASE!"
Or:
"BUT DADDY! I am really mature!"
For the first one, if it's not a phase, then fucking wait.
I'm waiting for being sixteen to have my septum, I'd tell my parents, even though that they might not agree, I'd tell them that by the law I'm allowed and if they don't want it to be seen in public with them from every reason they'd like, I can always turn it up, and it's not even very dangerous, and it's always hideable, even when I'm old and I wouldn't like it anymore from any reason, I can always dispose it, and nobody will see the scar.
I won't even argue with them, I believe that they'd understand, I'm not planning to provoke any problems.
I'm not even planning to have sex or have a boyfriend actually, simply because I've seen the guys, and I'm a good as friend, as girlfriend, well, I'm thirteen, I have plenty of time to worry about that.
But on the IDF you're super worried, isn't it funny?
Oh, it's epic.
Look: Re: Save your child from being a Goth!
Minute 3:00, self mutilation and pain in religion is epic.
Flagellants!
The very religious group that was in the medieval times, used whipping for paying for sins.
Like that "Jesus died for your sins" shit.
Minute seven or so, I live in the internet.
Oh I make a lot of satanic things!
Look!
Seitan and a pentagram in my hummus!
Gasp!
I just thought it was funny.
Only because of Seitan I met Jesus Is Saviour, therefore, vegan food can be pretty awesome.
And evil.
.......
I made my brother a print of a pirate I hand drew, I'm going to print it tomorrow, and I made a unicorn print with the words "I'm Majestic" which is on black white an red (for the horn and the horseshoes) which made me thing about the emo pony that the CP wikia had.
Oh, and the epic Sad and Disappointment poem.
I loved it.
.....
I'm so fucking confused with the Gothic Charm School book.
Is it a gothic guide or something?
Oh, as much as I love Tuesday from Questionable Goths, it made her come out really stupid, that the book explained to her how important it is to be polite if you're goth.
WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHENEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU ARE, BE POLITE AND NICE.
Why?
Because you're always better this way.
I'm very polite, I have no reason to not to, and when people decide that it's time to educate me, I'd explain in a passive-aggressive tone that I was the right one and they shouldn't fucking say anything to me.
One time I was with my bicycle, coming back from practice, and some technician was working on the electricity box of some old lady, she thought that I was a hooligan or something, and let me explain the scene better.
I was on their side, and as I reached the area, I tried to find a way to go through the space between the (very nice) man to the tree, and I saw that I couldn't, so I asked him very calmly "Excuse me?May I pass please?" and he said "Yes" but the woman, ugh, she said "Don't you see that he's in the middle of the work, and you're interrupting him?! The streets aren't yours! Wait for him to finish..." and she would've probably continued if I didn't open my mouth on her, as he let me move, I was saying "I was asking him politely if I can move and he said yes, it's none of your business, it's not your job to tell me what I can do or can't or what's wrong and what's nice!" and it made the technician chuckle, from me, being so polite but being able to say so for somebody older than me.
She was so pissed off, but she deserved it.
The audacity of the elderly today... Pfftt....
It was fucking ridiculous.
NOT EVERY TWEENAGER IS A FUCKING BASTARD FROM THAT SORT.
I'm so pissed off that people would stereotype bicycle riders!
Especially when it's the stereotypes that clinged to the regular bicycles, that those stereotypes belong to the electric bicycles personality!
I have a friend that would legitimately cry if she met that woman just as I did.
Gladly, I'm standing for myself.
I always did.
I'd die before I'd be disrespected by somebody, and that somebody will get out alive.
I'm not your sucker, and deal with it.
But first of all, it doesn't mean that I won't ever be nice and give you stuff if you ask for it, I will, as long as you're nice.
.........
Oh, some explanation to those mood swings.
I'm pregnant.
I know that I'm a virgin, but I'm going to name the baby Joshua, and his father is god.
Just kidding, obviously.
I got my period.
Goodnight guys.
Please comment if you can, because you know that it means a lot to me, and I'm going to do everything to make sure that you know how much I appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure that there's an anonymous option, so please, pretty please, comment!
HERE IS THE COMMENT SECTION
.....
I'm home, I'm back from therapy, I've been told that on July I will have meetings.
It makes me want to fucking die.
Another month of having to be numb, even though that it's the fucking summer break.
Break of people.
I can't do that.
Do I really need a reminder of how crooked my thinking is thanks to the damn puberty and the imbalanced neurochemicals that do shit, even though that they can do magical things like "love" and "happiness" and all sort of stuff...?
Well, I don't need it.
I don't need the reminder that I should have an eating disorder either.
I just hate people.
Oh! Guess what I didn't do? Told her my problems!
I don't think I'd ever do.
I'm not the kind of person that talks about that stuff.
.....
I'm watching Why People CUT (The REAL Reason + My Story)
I don't feel that my stuff is for attention, it's more of a release, and pleasure, and it actually depends.
Sometimes I'd like it for the wave of ease that it brings.
Sometimes to vent out any pain/sorrow/negative-feeling-from-the-sort with it.
Sometimes just for a punishment, whether it's to educate myself, or just randomly because I'm such a shitty person.
With it, I feel awful just for not being real, while he was under a lot of suffering (and sometimes still is) and I'm just there, nothing at all.
Fucking lovely, isn't it?
.....
I just heard a strange song named "Ex Lover's Lover" of an artist named Voltaire.
He makes Dark Cabaret (I just learned that I love that genre by his The Devil's Bris album) and he also makes Dark Wave (that strange genre from Sims!), Folk, Gothic Rock, Soft Rock, and Symphonic Rock.
I just love that The Devil's Dris album!
The lyrics are very simple and I don't need to actually dig into shit to understand what the fucking poet meant, which sometimes gets on my nerves sometimes.
But the music is reminding me of a music teacher that taught us in my second kindergarten and from the first to the fifth grade as well.
OH FUCK.
I just clicked on Shalom from his album, I was intrigued by the name (obviously).
I just know that song very well.
It's a very classic name.
Even though that I think I he was wrong in the lyrics.
Oh wait he was right, I guess that there are just too many versions because nobody always remembers it.
It happens also in our fucking national anthem.
But that's another story.
But I have something else to tell you about.
The niece of Haneen Zoabi made a video that explaining a lot of his and many other Arab Israelis thoughts of the kidnapping.
I personally find it great.
My mother said that his stupid and his aunt is right.
FUCK NO.
He wants peace, he understands the grief of the families, and supports the return, not like the fucking dumb aunt that was chosen to our legislative and main politic organization.
A person who hates Israel so much was elected to join there.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
The teenager whose her relative is better for Israel than her, he's patriotic, he's supporting the country, not one religion side, he supports the land, the Israelis, the ones who consider themselves Israelis rather than by adding some word that describes them and the word "Israeli" with it.
Like Jewish-Israeli or Arab-Israeli.
It pisses me off.
...
I'm so confused by relationships between inner-ranks within cultures.
Like baby bats and the way that they are treated to by goths.
What the fuck are you?
Minors?
I'm sorry, but only there it happens.
Especially on the ages of 9-12 and 13-18.
I stopped doing so from the simple reason that this is who they are and that's fucking it.
Why am I talking about it?
It's fucking fascinating.
My baby bat times and talking about the goth subculture and goth in general
I just wonder what the fuck.
Goth is mentality, I find it that with many personalities that it can be wonderful, some people are plain shitty.
Wow, do I really need to check now Motionless In White's lyrics and Marilyn Manson's lyrics?
Okay, Manson's Beautiful People reminds me some songs I know, and same with Immaculate Misconception of Motionless.
I just can't really enjoy Manson's music simply because what he represents.
And it's a thing you can't simply forget.
From the other side, Megadeth will be a band that even though that I don't listen to, I actually support them, why? Because they aren't hateful towards Israel.
Two or so from their band are actually pro-Israel which is super awesome.
.....
I watch so many Baby Bat videos.
I don't understand it.
I'm so confused.
So many guides and tips, it's ridiculous.
You don't see me explaining you how to be a better poison reader, do you?
Even though that you can legitimately do this:
I thought that it was Evermore!
It's Everlasting.
Evermore is the first! The one I haven't read yet, well, that's awkward.
But anyway, the cover is really epic, it has two layers, the top one is Ever and on the bottom it says "Will their love pass its greatest test?" and beneath there's Damen you can also see him on top, because of the way that they've cut the cover, and below Damen there's "Is this the end for Ever and Damen?".
SPOILER ALERT: I'm in the part where she starts her journey, I think that they will be together at the end but with some twist, like, they have different love or something, unless that Alyson wants to torture us even more.
But the facial expression shit.
This is a picture, shooted by Maya.
She does that a lot.
Anyway, back to Baby Bat...
Oh! I wonder where's my Disney skellington hat right now!
Probably in the drawer near my bed.
Where I have all kinds of junks, and papers, and razors, and sketchbook shit, and pens and everything.
Well, I'm glad to say that I'm not a baby goth, I'd never be one, I'd jump straight ahead to the gothic culture, why?
Because that's me, or you think this way or you don't.
I wonder why people want to become goth, it's just thinking.
I can't stand stupid people.
DO NOT CALL GOTHS WHO ARE GOTHS FOR LESS TIME BABY-GOTHS.
Goth bands?
I enjoy non-goth bands that are considered to be goth to others.
How?
I mean, or that I don't understand hundred percent goth, or that goth people don't understand me.
I pick the second choice, while I'm going to understand why they dont' understand me.
You know me, googling weird shit.
Oh, and some deeper research about Edgar Allen Poe (I've promised to do it to myself when I was seven) and some research about H.P. Lovecraft.
You know, usual shit.
Oh, and I need to find a video of my relative that's the best unicycle user (I have no idea how to say it elseway -unicycler?) in our country, which is pretty awesome, and he can do juggling with 7 balls.
Have I mentioned that I have a lot of relatives?
I go through cramps.
Have I said before that on my periods I tend to wear a lot of white?
It's really weird, on the non-period days I wear my usual black, and on my period I wear mostly white.
I don't make sense, and I don't own you an apology, I'm not obliged to make sense.
Baby bats are another word for beginner goths and posers in the very self-aware gothic world.
That's adorable, like cute-adorable.
Mable sort of adorable.
Okay, continuing with reading and watching and multitasking, I continued with Voltaire.
He used to film with super 8 camera film.
For me, I watched the movie Super 8, which is amazing!
And he also teaches... Drumroll!... STOP MOTION!
And he acted in a movie that seems very strange and interesting, Model's Hunger.
I'd watch it.
I think met a poser today...
Okay, I love that guy.
Metal is not a phase; Metal is for life.
Metal is another genre, you might change your taste.
You saw me, changing a lot, didn't you?
Now I'm more into various rock types, which is awesome, I partly consider metal as rock, because of hard rock, and a lot of confusion that began a couple of decades ago.
And I also listen to hip hop inner genres, like Alternative hip hop and New Jack Swing which is also known as Swingbeat.
I also have those alternative specific things and a lot of confusing things
Okay, I was going through my genres and tried to make sure my data is correct, and suddenly... You wouldn't believe it, but I was on iTunes, suddenly I see Be My Baby - Single Frank fucking Iero.
So I had to google it and the lyrics.
I am so happy that I did so.
Anyway, lyrics are here and the audio is here.
I'm so happy that I've made that desicion.
I had that stupid "I JUST SAW A RAINBOW" sort of smile.
And another song.
I have a great video for showing you what I feel when I see music that I find fascinating and making me really happy.
I'm currently trying to find the video and create the gif.
I have no idea how do I add words, but I need to add "It's a baby girl! Whose pregnant! With another baby girl!" because it's so fucking lovely.
That gothic girl, oh she loves Gaga!
Okay I suddenly like you a lot now.
I'm a Goth! :)
I love people who are trying to justify, it seems so ridiculous.
I do justify, but usually briefly.
I need to rewatch made.
Mtv's Made.
Why?
But only the ones with the bands, once there was a guitarist who came to teach the girl while she bought her guitar and she was really excited (well you just got your dream come true, I'd probably hug the cameraman before anything "TELL YOUR MOTHER I LOVE HER FOR GIVING BIRTH TO YOU") and I remember that or I started to know the band or something, but I don't remember anything more than that.
I DON'T REMEMBER ALMOST ANYTHING.
I remember short moments, I remember the rappers from the parties and the fedora guy, and the guy who puked on a dress, and a girl with three different dresses, and the bad-ass pony who banged his unicorn to the girl's head.
I remember a lot of that stuff.
Even that twenty four year old who had a pre-party on a pirate ship.
I loved him, it's better to do it when you can legally drink alcohol.
But that was Sweet Sixteen, but now back to Made.
On Made, once there was a tomboy, who was simply very masculine, and from some reason, I was told by my mother that she probably was told to not shave so it'd be better for the show, but I remember her bleeding armpits.
I loved it.
I love all the ones who enter beauty shows.
I remember many things from there, also from nerds to preps or more popular.
It was epic.
One guy, was blonde and bearded and he was the most popular guy in school and he gave her the things she got from Made, and all I was thinking about for the whole show, WHY THE BEARD.
You can't have that kind of beard with that kind of blonde.
But you can have dreadlocks.
Why?
Because I said so, and I read The Immortals a lot, and I had two different descriptions of Jude, one in Hebrew and one in English, and it was changed in Hebrew.
It was weird.
But now it's better.
Wow I write too much these days, don't I?
On word with the size of 11 and Calibri font, it's fourteen pages and almost four thousand words.
I don't know if you like it or not.
I assume that it's a headache if you are a person who reads everything, but it's more options for the ones who doesn't.
Even though that it's hard to understand some parts if you don't read everything.
You know what I don't understand?
Extreme clothing sides, and not as you're fucking personal choices of artistic loveable stuff.
Like Justin J. The human Ken, he's so lovely, very charming, I personally think that it'd be very hard if there will be any infections, but he is so brave, and is very aspiring, his body is his canvas, and in his case, it's more of fimo or something.
I love him.
But like weird people who has no idea what they are wearing or stuff...
That pisses me off, that shit I call posers, even though I don't like using it, but poser is the only word, as I won't call them sheeps, as it's... Wait, they are sheeps.
And usually they are whiny.
Examples who are partly mean:
"But MAWM! I really want the 00g ear lobes! IT'S NOT A PHASE!"
Or:
"BUT DADDY! I am really mature!"
For the first one, if it's not a phase, then fucking wait.
I'm waiting for being sixteen to have my septum, I'd tell my parents, even though that they might not agree, I'd tell them that by the law I'm allowed and if they don't want it to be seen in public with them from every reason they'd like, I can always turn it up, and it's not even very dangerous, and it's always hideable, even when I'm old and I wouldn't like it anymore from any reason, I can always dispose it, and nobody will see the scar.
I won't even argue with them, I believe that they'd understand, I'm not planning to provoke any problems.
I'm not even planning to have sex or have a boyfriend actually, simply because I've seen the guys, and I'm a good as friend, as girlfriend, well, I'm thirteen, I have plenty of time to worry about that.
But on the IDF you're super worried, isn't it funny?
Oh, it's epic.
Look: Re: Save your child from being a Goth!
Minute 3:00, self mutilation and pain in religion is epic.
Flagellants!
The very religious group that was in the medieval times, used whipping for paying for sins.
Like that "Jesus died for your sins" shit.
Minute seven or so, I live in the internet.
Oh I make a lot of satanic things!
Look!
Gasp!
I just thought it was funny.
Only because of Seitan I met Jesus Is Saviour, therefore, vegan food can be pretty awesome.
And evil.
.......
I made my brother a print of a pirate I hand drew, I'm going to print it tomorrow, and I made a unicorn print with the words "I'm Majestic" which is on black white an red (for the horn and the horseshoes) which made me thing about the emo pony that the CP wikia had.
Oh, and the epic Sad and Disappointment poem.
I loved it.
.....
I'm so fucking confused with the Gothic Charm School book.
Is it a gothic guide or something?
Oh, as much as I love Tuesday from Questionable Goths, it made her come out really stupid, that the book explained to her how important it is to be polite if you're goth.
WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHENEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU ARE, BE POLITE AND NICE.
Why?
Because you're always better this way.
I'm very polite, I have no reason to not to, and when people decide that it's time to educate me, I'd explain in a passive-aggressive tone that I was the right one and they shouldn't fucking say anything to me.
One time I was with my bicycle, coming back from practice, and some technician was working on the electricity box of some old lady, she thought that I was a hooligan or something, and let me explain the scene better.
I was on their side, and as I reached the area, I tried to find a way to go through the space between the (very nice) man to the tree, and I saw that I couldn't, so I asked him very calmly "Excuse me?May I pass please?" and he said "Yes" but the woman, ugh, she said "Don't you see that he's in the middle of the work, and you're interrupting him?! The streets aren't yours! Wait for him to finish..." and she would've probably continued if I didn't open my mouth on her, as he let me move, I was saying "I was asking him politely if I can move and he said yes, it's none of your business, it's not your job to tell me what I can do or can't or what's wrong and what's nice!" and it made the technician chuckle, from me, being so polite but being able to say so for somebody older than me.
She was so pissed off, but she deserved it.
The audacity of the elderly today... Pfftt....
It was fucking ridiculous.
NOT EVERY TWEENAGER IS A FUCKING BASTARD FROM THAT SORT.
I'm so pissed off that people would stereotype bicycle riders!
Especially when it's the stereotypes that clinged to the regular bicycles, that those stereotypes belong to the electric bicycles personality!
I have a friend that would legitimately cry if she met that woman just as I did.
Gladly, I'm standing for myself.
I always did.
I'd die before I'd be disrespected by somebody, and that somebody will get out alive.
I'm not your sucker, and deal with it.
But first of all, it doesn't mean that I won't ever be nice and give you stuff if you ask for it, I will, as long as you're nice.
.........
Oh, some explanation to those mood swings.
I'm pregnant.
I know that I'm a virgin, but I'm going to name the baby Joshua, and his father is god.
Just kidding, obviously.
I got my period.
Goodnight guys.
Please comment if you can, because you know that it means a lot to me, and I'm going to do everything to make sure that you know how much I appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure that there's an anonymous option, so please, pretty please, comment!
HERE IS THE COMMENT SECTION
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