I woke up
this morning, after having a bad dream about Hungary, it was so ghastly, so
much anxiety, I just remember being in such room, while they all sit happily in
tables, mixture of Hungarians and Israelis, and I have nowhere to sit, because
I’m rejected by everybody, I was looking for somebody to accept me, but they
all gave me looks like I’m an alien, they just gave me a look that says “You’re
so pathetic and alone, do not come and sit with us, you will pollute our table
with you ugly personality and body” and it was very weird, I remember just
wanting the day to be over, I walked in the room, trying to find somebody that
will suddenly change his mind, but no, nobody was there.
When I woke up, I don’t really remember why, but I opened My Pro Ana, which isn’t that weird, it’s probably the most normal thing that happened so far, because… I weighed myself, just to discover that I weigh almost as usual (0.5 less or so), but lately I just noticed that my stomach got a lot flatter, and my hipbones are starting to be more obvious, but apparently, nothing really happened.
I regret checking up on my weight, but that’s how I’d be for quite a while, I know that usually on the holidays and vacations I have no real reason for checking up on my weight, because I’m not pressured to be thin, but I don’t know, maybe the stress from Hungary took its toll.
Anyway, earlier I was looking for some stories alike mine, which is feeling pressured to be thinner than my friend at the fifth grade, and then being a perfect model for my photographer friend at the sixth grade, and then having to fit in for my therapist’s normal patients on the seventh grade, and to fit into my class in the seventh grade, and just to cope with everything, as I lost my ability to do another thing.
I’m being lame as always, I really hate worrying my friends, but sorry, war time, it is summer break; I have no reason to want to get out from my home, my safe and cosy home.
Anyway, back to my search for a soul-mate that has the same story, I found plenty of shitty-shrinks tales.
I have one that I wanted to tell you about.
It was about that the ones that specialize in eating disorders are the best for treating it.
Treating it and weakening and destroying the illness, or making it grow and destroy the person.
I’m sorry, but am I the only one who got triggered by the fact that her therapist used to treat girls with eating disorders? I mean, I knew that I was fat, but at least there I thought that she never cared about it, but it’s not the case, it’s far from it, it’s one of the things that she knows and cares the most about; the fact that she mentioned that I lost weight during this year just emphasizes how right I am.
I hate the fact that I was sent to the same one that was supposed to treat my sister’s school stress (she was really afraid of failing, and she repeated the material like crazy, which is quite a lot for a first grader!), by the way, in my opinion it didn’t work; But, what is she supposed to do me? What the fuck can possibly be wrong with me? I’m pretty stable, I usually vent out my bad emotions by different ways, and I have to try something else every once in a while because usually the ways that help are frowned upon, if I feel like I deserve a punishment, why should I ignore my needs? Same with harming people, since I don’t want to actually destroy other’s life by harming them, I vent it out on myself, which is a lot kinder than what others do, call it being unable to cope with bad feelings, but I’m doing pretty good for a person that started puberty in a young age, and expecting for my peers to get into the bad side of it soon.
I’m probably the most sane and normal person in our school, and because of my calmness and happiness I have to do some things that I do, maybe it’s the purge that affected me, but, just remember how good the ways that I go through can do!
When I woke up, I don’t really remember why, but I opened My Pro Ana, which isn’t that weird, it’s probably the most normal thing that happened so far, because… I weighed myself, just to discover that I weigh almost as usual (0.5 less or so), but lately I just noticed that my stomach got a lot flatter, and my hipbones are starting to be more obvious, but apparently, nothing really happened.
I regret checking up on my weight, but that’s how I’d be for quite a while, I know that usually on the holidays and vacations I have no real reason for checking up on my weight, because I’m not pressured to be thin, but I don’t know, maybe the stress from Hungary took its toll.
Anyway, earlier I was looking for some stories alike mine, which is feeling pressured to be thinner than my friend at the fifth grade, and then being a perfect model for my photographer friend at the sixth grade, and then having to fit in for my therapist’s normal patients on the seventh grade, and to fit into my class in the seventh grade, and just to cope with everything, as I lost my ability to do another thing.
I’m being lame as always, I really hate worrying my friends, but sorry, war time, it is summer break; I have no reason to want to get out from my home, my safe and cosy home.
Anyway, back to my search for a soul-mate that has the same story, I found plenty of shitty-shrinks tales.
I have one that I wanted to tell you about.
It was about that the ones that specialize in eating disorders are the best for treating it.
Treating it and weakening and destroying the illness, or making it grow and destroy the person.
I’m sorry, but am I the only one who got triggered by the fact that her therapist used to treat girls with eating disorders? I mean, I knew that I was fat, but at least there I thought that she never cared about it, but it’s not the case, it’s far from it, it’s one of the things that she knows and cares the most about; the fact that she mentioned that I lost weight during this year just emphasizes how right I am.
I hate the fact that I was sent to the same one that was supposed to treat my sister’s school stress (she was really afraid of failing, and she repeated the material like crazy, which is quite a lot for a first grader!), by the way, in my opinion it didn’t work; But, what is she supposed to do me? What the fuck can possibly be wrong with me? I’m pretty stable, I usually vent out my bad emotions by different ways, and I have to try something else every once in a while because usually the ways that help are frowned upon, if I feel like I deserve a punishment, why should I ignore my needs? Same with harming people, since I don’t want to actually destroy other’s life by harming them, I vent it out on myself, which is a lot kinder than what others do, call it being unable to cope with bad feelings, but I’m doing pretty good for a person that started puberty in a young age, and expecting for my peers to get into the bad side of it soon.
I’m probably the most sane and normal person in our school, and because of my calmness and happiness I have to do some things that I do, maybe it’s the purge that affected me, but, just remember how good the ways that I go through can do!
Okay, I
guess that entering the comment section of Dead’s Beautiful Broken Bones can be
suddenly a good idea.
Okay, that girl on the comments, Lily Stiles is just not nice, at fucking all.
And another thing, dear internet, can we not compare everything to My Chemical Romance and/or Black Veil Brides? Thank you, from somebody who had enough from it.
I’m so going to enjoy some of the comments when I’d grow older and all the bands that were rejected by their similarity to other bands will succeed, it’d be one of the better revenges ever! It’s like throwing their own stupidity in their own faces.
Okay, the mention things that I wouldn’t ever notice, from the simple reason that I don’t pay attention for such minor things, in the same way we can say that Hapijamot (The Pajamas, that TV program with the band) totally knocked off so many songs while making episodes, which is ridiculous, I mean, can we just not care?
Okay, I just started moving the tip of my noise with my fingers, and it makes a funny voice and it feels weird! I just love that weird nose.
Okay, that girl on the comments, Lily Stiles is just not nice, at fucking all.
And another thing, dear internet, can we not compare everything to My Chemical Romance and/or Black Veil Brides? Thank you, from somebody who had enough from it.
I’m so going to enjoy some of the comments when I’d grow older and all the bands that were rejected by their similarity to other bands will succeed, it’d be one of the better revenges ever! It’s like throwing their own stupidity in their own faces.
Okay, the mention things that I wouldn’t ever notice, from the simple reason that I don’t pay attention for such minor things, in the same way we can say that Hapijamot (The Pajamas, that TV program with the band) totally knocked off so many songs while making episodes, which is ridiculous, I mean, can we just not care?
Okay, I just started moving the tip of my noise with my fingers, and it makes a funny voice and it feels weird! I just love that weird nose.
Okay, on
that beautiful page, it’s the Jehovah page I love so much!
I have found plenty of good things from its older days, and that, well that is a something that I never seen before! If you aren’t fond with why Jews don’t eat dairy with meat, it’s because that on the bible it said to not eat juvenile animal in its mother’s milk, which it’s mothers can be written like the word Emo in Hebrew.
That joke is one of the jokes that aren’t as funny if you explain them… Too bad.
I have found plenty of good things from its older days, and that, well that is a something that I never seen before! If you aren’t fond with why Jews don’t eat dairy with meat, it’s because that on the bible it said to not eat juvenile animal in its mother’s milk, which it’s mothers can be written like the word Emo in Hebrew.
That joke is one of the jokes that aren’t as funny if you explain them… Too bad.
Wow, it was
about four hours since the last paragraph, and I discovered something new, I’m
not as surprised as much as I am disgusted, it’s the song named “Freedom for
Palestine”.
I don’t know about you, but what would your country do if it was bombed from a small city named Gaza for fourteen years? And that’s only from Gaza, now think about the day, on Yom Kippur, where we were attacked by the Egyptian army, or what about Syria? Now it is in its own war, against the government, but before, there were problems, in Lebanon, they had some unconventional weapons, I remember that on two thousand and one and two thousand and two there was a war, I was just a baby, and I wore the suit that was a gas mask for babies and toddlers.
Israel is under attack, the ridiculous Twitter hashtag of “Gaza under Attack” is mean, why didn’t we, the Israelies created a hashtag, named “Israel under Attack”, because we got some real problems, and we don’t lie.
The BBC once searched to find how truthful are the tweets from them, let me tell you that I wasn’t shocked that most of them (if not all) were faked.
The worst is when outsiders have an opinon! YOU CANNOT HAVE AN OPINION IF YOU AREN’T SACRIFICED AS A HUMAN SHIELD BY YOUR GOVERNMENT (HAMAS IS DOING IT) OR THAT YOU’RE GETTING BOMBED AND HAVE TO BE AWAKE SO THAT YOU COULD HEAR THE ALARM!
Most of them are from the US, UK, or another country that most of the activists (who are way too young) cannot possibly understand.
It’s not okay, it’s not even close to okay with me, just fucking imagine it, you got a minute and a half if you’re in a considerably safe area to get to your safe room, you hear alarm and you better run, the immediate and fifteen seconds guys don’t have that privilege, and I’m not even starting with the wans who can’t do it quickly enough, like elderly, or handicapped, or from any other damn reason.
But even explaining it to you, will never fully give you the experience and understanding that I got, or the southern guys got.
I am back on Dead’s commentary, which is back to bitchy Lilly Stiles. (Her family names annoys me, couldn’t you just have a better and easier one? I’m used to write Styles –that said by me, Abarbanel, which some teachers can’t pronounce easily so I’m simply called Dvash.)
I don’t know about you, but what would your country do if it was bombed from a small city named Gaza for fourteen years? And that’s only from Gaza, now think about the day, on Yom Kippur, where we were attacked by the Egyptian army, or what about Syria? Now it is in its own war, against the government, but before, there were problems, in Lebanon, they had some unconventional weapons, I remember that on two thousand and one and two thousand and two there was a war, I was just a baby, and I wore the suit that was a gas mask for babies and toddlers.
Israel is under attack, the ridiculous Twitter hashtag of “Gaza under Attack” is mean, why didn’t we, the Israelies created a hashtag, named “Israel under Attack”, because we got some real problems, and we don’t lie.
The BBC once searched to find how truthful are the tweets from them, let me tell you that I wasn’t shocked that most of them (if not all) were faked.
The worst is when outsiders have an opinon! YOU CANNOT HAVE AN OPINION IF YOU AREN’T SACRIFICED AS A HUMAN SHIELD BY YOUR GOVERNMENT (HAMAS IS DOING IT) OR THAT YOU’RE GETTING BOMBED AND HAVE TO BE AWAKE SO THAT YOU COULD HEAR THE ALARM!
Most of them are from the US, UK, or another country that most of the activists (who are way too young) cannot possibly understand.
It’s not okay, it’s not even close to okay with me, just fucking imagine it, you got a minute and a half if you’re in a considerably safe area to get to your safe room, you hear alarm and you better run, the immediate and fifteen seconds guys don’t have that privilege, and I’m not even starting with the wans who can’t do it quickly enough, like elderly, or handicapped, or from any other damn reason.
But even explaining it to you, will never fully give you the experience and understanding that I got, or the southern guys got.
I am back on Dead’s commentary, which is back to bitchy Lilly Stiles. (Her family names annoys me, couldn’t you just have a better and easier one? I’m used to write Styles –that said by me, Abarbanel, which some teachers can’t pronounce easily so I’m simply called Dvash.)
I put on some music, and I just heard another alarm, in my head.
I just try to work by my grandmother’s way to treat the imaginary sights that one of her kids from the school she worked for, he wanted to be a football (soccer) player, and my grandmother told him that soccer players can’t have that problem, so she told him that each time he sees something, he should go and ask her if it’s real or not.
Currently, I put my trust in my family members, simply because I can never know if something is real or not.
I’ve put on
Ghost Town’s Dreamer (The acoustic version one) mix on YouTube, they are better
than Genius on iTunes, simply because it’s nicer, Google gets me better than
Apple, and that’s good.
Okay, ouch,
my right part of my skull hurts, top front right to be exact.
Now, go explain it, I mean, who the fuck feels pain in their skull for no damn reason? It’s not that I have seen anything that includes a symptom that says “pain in skull”.
Unless it’s a part of the Dvash syndrome, a very rare syndrome, so far, only one was diagnosed on planet earth! It’s deadly, and everybody that has it dies at some point (unproved).
And yes, that’s what I’m doing with my life when I’m bored.
Back to comments, they are so bitchy about it; I can give you a song that sounds so much like one of My Chemical Romance, and guess what? Nobody did anything bitchy, and everybody took it humorously, because that’s the purpose of the show, the purpose of Dead! (I’m actually not sure if it’s with exclamation mark, because in some songs it’s written with it and some songs not.) Is to make their music, that’s fucking all.
I can’t find this song online, I have no idea why.
Now, go explain it, I mean, who the fuck feels pain in their skull for no damn reason? It’s not that I have seen anything that includes a symptom that says “pain in skull”.
Unless it’s a part of the Dvash syndrome, a very rare syndrome, so far, only one was diagnosed on planet earth! It’s deadly, and everybody that has it dies at some point (unproved).
And yes, that’s what I’m doing with my life when I’m bored.
Back to comments, they are so bitchy about it; I can give you a song that sounds so much like one of My Chemical Romance, and guess what? Nobody did anything bitchy, and everybody took it humorously, because that’s the purpose of the show, the purpose of Dead! (I’m actually not sure if it’s with exclamation mark, because in some songs it’s written with it and some songs not.) Is to make their music, that’s fucking all.
I can’t find this song online, I have no idea why.
I can feel
that I’m down, like my body is heavy, and I feel like I have no meaning in
life, which is probably one of the wonderful things that I can get while being
on my way for puberty.
Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m watching some Anorexia stories.
I’m calling Sapir, I wonder how her birthday was.
Oh, it sucked, I wasn’t surprised, considering that we talked about it last noon.
Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m watching some Anorexia stories.
I’m calling Sapir, I wonder how her birthday was.
Oh, it sucked, I wasn’t surprised, considering that we talked about it last noon.
So, it’s
twelve and thirty am, nice.
I’m just wasting time, because I can’t fall asleep easily, I guess that I’d stay awake until my parents tell me to go to sleep, or that they wouldn’t, at all.
I’m just wasting time, because I can’t fall asleep easily, I guess that I’d stay awake until my parents tell me to go to sleep, or that they wouldn’t, at all.
I’m
continuing with reading the comments, I mean, there are barely any comments
that doesn’t revolve around the thought that it’s just a big rip-off.
I was
watching until now a satire tv program; life wasting at its best.
I feel like I’m being useless, oh well…
I feel like I’m being useless, oh well…
Okay, it’s
one and thirty, I’m going to sleep at two am because I have to be awake early
tomorrow morning, and I have to be with seven year olds, which means I have to
be kind, I’m pretty much representing the dark skinned people in that city, in fact, everybody here is so white that it’s weird; conspiracy alarm: MY CITY IS FULL OF VAMPIRES.
Good night, hope you have a nice life.
Good night, hope you have a nice life.
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