Random, very random.

Today, it was woken up with something much worse than the alarms.
My mother burst in my room and started yelling.
My head is now in pain, it hurts, nobody should be ever woken up with such loud noises!  It would have been one thing if you slapped my leg, but you just screamed, which is the style of  waking up that I consider the rudest, it’s just like the time that she woke me up with a damn music channel of Middle Eastern music! WHO THE FUCK FORCES SOUNDS WHILE PEOPLE ARE ASLEEP?!

Okay, I’m here to tell you about a person style that I absolutely hate, the people who send those voice messages on WhatsApp; I can’t stand them! I mean, why would you do it? For what reason? So you won’t have to write every single word because it’s so damn exhausting? Dude! Come on! In school you got no problem writing every single word, and it’s just tapping, and guys, in case you forgot, we got that magical “slang” thing that we use so often! And it just makes you to be a bunch of assholes that their laziness just annoys and harms their surroundings.
I just left a group that I used to be very active at, but I stopped recently, I don’t know why, I guess that my hatred towards Yuval and Ben stopped me, even though that this shit never stopped me.
I guess that getting hurt in a place that is your comfort and safe zone does that. I can’t believe that I trusted them; I know that I can’t handle some insults; Perhaps too well.
I just put my trust in places where I shouldn’t put them; I don’t think that there’s any safe place to put my trust in, maybe I should stop trusting, each time that I trust somebody, I expect of him/her to be something, but s/he isn’t it, that person has no need to be it as they can stay as themselves, so when that person isn’t it, I get disappointed (which isn’t very nice of me to feel, it makes others to feel guilty, or at least, that’s what I feel when somebody is disappointed), and it just sucks.
I had an idea, it wasn’t very “something”, so I just decided that it’s better to dispose it to the sea of thoughts and go and fish for another one.

I’m listening to Broken Beautiful Bones (by the band with the best commenters-argument and discussion that include more than five people, because in the category of below five is probably Creature Feature with the argument between “Loy” and “The”) and wait, now I just restarted to the beginning of the playlist that brought me happiness.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY, but now I’m thinking about all they key chains with the lockets and other objects, I got a rather blue aquatic colour, and a gun, and one with a “Hungary” circular charm, an alligator, and a really cool black skull made of plastic and it has red flashlights in its eyes! But on my own I got my two disc-on-keys, a shoe charm (you know what I’m talking about? The really small shoes that are made from shoe material?) in a pattern that reminds me of Asian nature, and a loom bracelet that  connected, it is in the colours of white and light blue and blue.
I like it, it’s like the ultimate accessory for everything, it’s hundred percent me and my favourite things or the things that remind me off them or resembles them.
A couple of examples are:
+ The shoe with the Asian culture reminds me of my (still living!) dad (because people like to do it only for dead people! Let me tell you something! People can love and miss somebody and want to have something that will remind me off that person even though that he isn’t dead! He’s just that meaningful to you!), he taught me a lot about that culture (material arts, plain knowledge, cultural actions, history) and he just loves shoes and accessories.
+ The gun has similar reasons, my dad and his love for antique weaponry, Sapir who almost committed suicide, and a personal joke, for all the “experiments” that I had while holding a gun or being near one, from being nine and shooting a target with some boys in one boy’s basement since it was his sleepover party, I was the only girl invited, to thirteen, where I was in the forest in Hungary, not so far from this very moment, the other guys suggested that we’d all go for that antique and old guns shooting, I disagreed, from some reason I don’t find guns safe, especially when ADHD children and adults who you can’t really communicate with.

               

I’m going to sim again, at some point.
I’m going to do something productive with my life… I just made myself chuckle!
Maybe I should watch one of the two movies that are open in my phone in their Wikipedia page.
I got in my phone four tabs, three in Wikipedia, and one is not a Wikipedia page.
The Fearless Vampire Killers aka Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck which is a movie that I might watch at some point of my life.
I got the movie +1 (Plus One) which is a thriller with Rhys Wakefield, who were the polite stranger in The Purge, and it can be really cool as it’s a clone film which is cool.
I got the movie “Sinister” which is very popular, and it has Ethan Hawke, which in that “Everything Wrong With…” videos they make fun of him, so it has to be worth it, and I can also watch the Everything Wrong with Sinister video and understand it! Okay, only by the titles of the home-movies I have a feeling that the writers did a good job, I mean, just take a look in Wikipedia (it’s in the Plot section) and understand what I’m talking about (Family Hanging Out is great, and Lawn Work –I wonder how it’d look like!- and the Pool Party which will probably remind me of the Creepypasta that included a person that always saw a face that looked on him from above each time that he was inside of water, by the way –spoiler alert- it was his mother’s face, because she attempted to drown him when he was a baby!), and I also need to just evolve my knowledge in horror movies, I love it, and it gives me ideas, sometimes plain gore ones, and sometimes deeper thoughts rather than a shallow murder.
The last tab is “DO’s and DON’Ts of Purge Prepping” which is a really good article, nice idea, I wonder who’s the one that deserves to be honoured for eternity for his brilliancy.
Oh, it’s in a website named “New Founding Fathers of America”! Haha! I love it!

A couple of minutes ago, my siblings and I  had fun, it started from my scream of “NO!” that sounded really horrified, but it had a good reason; my pita bread with pesto fell on the table, I love pitas and I love pesto, the combination is amazing, it can be a difference from my classic pita hummus combination!
I’m going to stray off the topic of that we had fun only for saying (I probably said it before, but I will say it a lot through my life) that ever since I started to exist, I loved hummus and pita the best, it’s the classic meal for me!
When I was just a foetus (“fetus” in UK English), my mother ate a lot of pitas with hummus and sometimes eggs and falafel, and she doesn’t even like it! It was me that craved it and she ate it.
I always loved it, and the simple pitas (Yemenite pitas) are the best, even though that I like the Druze and the Iraqi ones too, hummus is great, even though that it might be the reason that I got Pharyngitis so often, but my body got used to it and it’s great.
Back to messing around, we sang a lot the Festigal song S.O.S. with the Morse version for the SOS part, which in the original from was “Call me SOS” and that line appeared a lot, so when “Call me Beep-beep-beep Boop-boop-boop Beep-beep-beep” was said a lot, it was funny.

I’m listening now to Heaven’s Basement, it’s nice, hell, it’s better than nice.

Okay, I have to tell you something, I was in the deviantart page of Vampyre4life, and she has some pretty good things, I saw her Ghost Town inspired art, some I didn’t like, but when I did like something, I loved it enough to consider her as one of the better ones, and some of her pieces were kept in my chrome link folder (I got so many, and sometimes  I rush while saving things so I might open my “Bands” one and find the article about the mental illness rates in the big city environment), and I got a surprise! While I was her self-portrait named “Its NOT a cape” (she forgot that ‘ cute thing that changes everything!) and I clicked on other artist’s (More from deviantART) I went for two that seemed okay, actually, one epic and one that can bring me a lot of interest and make me want to see more.
One is “Muse” by usaggii, I was hundred percent sure that it was a self-portrait art, but then, suddenly, every single piece that was suffested was Gerard Way, except from one thing which was named “Untitled” (brilliancy of lazy people like me, I had two files named untitled –which made it hard to tell between the two- and five named “xhwebfgaemf” and alike) which shows a picture of usaggii (?).
Anyway, I nicely walked away (mostly because that vector piece looks better when it’s smaller) and went to the other one.
It was all rainbows and butterflies until you just understand.
I am going to let you guess what gave me that hint.
The title “Zombies Will Never Hurt You”
Or the artist’s name “ArtisticKillJoy”
Or maybe the description “Zombie Gerard Way! Took me 3 days… “
And there are so many fan-fiction art!
I think that “it’s not a band it’s an idea” just proves itself with every new art piece.

An hour ago, my computer just decided that it’s a great time for restarting, so I just went to laugh and run with my siblings, some people exercise and burn calories, I run and laugh and try to catch my breath (at some point my sister stepped on me and I gave her a scream of horror and it scared her and I fell laughing and then my brother tried to kick me and my leg made him trip and I just laughed harder from the situation), which burns calories and it’s more fun.

I’m watching now an artist named Sycra, on YouTube.

The beginning speedsketch #15, which what he said is exactly what I said to myself five seconds before he said it, he’s amazing.
I was drawing something for around twenty minutes, it started from some longish figure, that it was supposed to be a girl with a long hair that the hair transforms to the northern lights, I didn’t like it; now it’s some fox girl with super long body,.
I liked fiftten less so I switched, I liked it when he wore the camera on his head and it was directly from his point of view.
I just erased all her body except from her right arm, which came out really pretty and I left it to be there; it’s funny, I draw something big, erases everything but one thing, then continues to draw the big thing, erases everything but the first thing and a new thing, and I repeat it.
Okay, I drew the whole body, and now after I erased most of it, I got now a head and arms and a basic shirt idea!
PROGRESS.
Okay, that character that I’m trying to draw might never get legs.
I might continue trying after I finish writing here.
Currently I’m watching “The Emergence of Talent” made by the same cool dude, Sycra, and I have a feeling that what he said, is so true and inspiring, when he talked about the music part it popped out even more, I can’t even put it into my words, it was that important.
I want to try more art copying and learning, I really want to learn to make the classic witche’s potion and elixir bottles, and draw liquids in them, I really need to work on liquids.

I like him, a lot; I actually like every talkative artist who talk during the making of their art piece (which works only with visual/culinarian arts, because trying to hear somebody make something with sounds that speaks in the middle can drive you nuts.
I like him and Cuberush; I can listen to their speeches for an eternity, too bad that there aren’t enough videos and I always put the videos on speed version, it varies between 1.5 to 2 but usually it’s 1.5 because it’s slow enough to understand every word and it’s like talking with a normal person, like he barely has to think about it.

I’m going to draw now, that sitting for such a long while will let my creativity spurt to fade, since that I stopped having that urge to play the guitar at one am (I still want to, but it’s not strong enough for me to actually do it).

Oh, now I’m trying to enjoy that holiday time, in the rest of the year, I am obliged to not wear my shirts, the sae shirts that I feel really awkward about when people mention them; I just get nervous each time they do it, like it makes me very self-conscious, like everybody is looking at me and thinking stuff, for example, I got a really good two which one is “Cool band, too bad she’s such a fat/ugly/weird-in-a-bad-way girl” and the other one is “Hate that band! What a loser/pathetic-bitch/weird-in-a-bad-way-cunt” and all of the other lovely things that I can possibly think about.
I’m trying to understand why people wear black, I mean, what reason? Actually, that question and internet is towards the rather depressed and alike, for me it’s a plain colour that contrasts to my joy on everyday life, I actually wear white and bold or bright colour when I moody or depressed or anything that is not what I really am (it explains why I wear so much white and bright colours during my period now, doesn’t it?), but the ones who are the complete opposites, can you explain? The excuse of “It represents how dark I am” or anything like it, I do not accept it, I will accept “I don’t know, guess I like it” and similar things though.

I also like mine, don’t get me wrong, but I accept it as if they don’t really know why, even my excuses are just theories, I’m trying to give you things that will sound like a psychological diagnosis and notes shit.
I still think that my meeting with the psychiatrist, all he wrote was “causal moody bitch, give her some attention.” Because I feel that people don’t take me seriously when I’m telling them certain things, which makes sense, I truly understand it, but that’s annoying, oh well, probably every once in a while I’ll meet something that will actually give a fuck.
I mean, I can’t tell you true and non-shallow things when I’m not comfortable with you, so excuse me when I say that I hear rock simply because it’s such a minor detail for me in the general conversation, but  I won’t tell you about my friends who introduced me to the new terms of thinness and I evolved from there because that I have better English and I know where to look for, and the fact that I don’t trust people anymore, and that I don’t think that everybody is against me, that I think that I’m far from that, I’d just hate to hurt others and I won’t handle them hating me, so I’d rather feel a little pain and feel a little bad that I’m such a pathetic person; that’s the difference between.
You know what’s funny about me? I have multiple perspectives, and I usually think in two all the time, sometimes I add one or replace one of them, but it’s usually my own one, the non-objective, and then there’s the other one, the objective, which they sometimes combine as you can see.

I’m listening to Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars, which I love, thanks to the “Teenaged” Sims 2 video, I learned a lot.
I also noticed there “Kissing in Cars” of Pierce the Veil, I shouldn’t be surprised, considering her variety of music, which I respect a lot, it’s an amazing combination.

I really want that somebody (or if I’d be good enough) to make a mix of Massacre and Hocus Pocus of Ghost Town, I have a feeling that they’d rule together.
You know those times where some lyrics are stuck in your head? So it happened today, with Massacre, I almost forgot how much I loved it.

I’m listening now to Kings of Leon’s Use Somebody, from some reason I have a feeling that it’s a song that I used to hear long ago and never knew what its name (like with Do I Wanna Know and Chasing Cars), never mind, I don’t think I knew it before.


Okay, I don’t know about you, so I’m going to ask a rhetorical question (not because the answer is obvious, but because that you won’t answer anyway! Ha!), do you feel annoyed from the finishing of the sentences of “XXX” or with the names (XxX----XxX for example)?
I don’t always get upset, as I have another finish that annoys the shit out of me, which is the ending of “555”, it’s a sign against bad luck in some movements in the Jewish culture, which reminds me of a bitch named Yali and all of the not-so-pleasant thing she used to do in my Facebook account (she cussed my cousins in my account without my knowing that she hands on it, and let me tell you something, ever since, even though that they know it isn’t me, our relationship is still weird, and yes, I do blame it on her because I don’t feel like feeling guilt now about something that I cared a lot about!), and it has a new meaning thanks to that girl, it’s the sign of the little sister of the Devil, it’s quite cute and logical by religion, isn’t it?

Okay, remember Liav? Well, he discovered me the world of the Hebrew translated Creepypastas narrations! I think that this is another reason why our youth just gets dumber and dumber, it’s fucking translated! They will never learn English this way… Oh, at least I’d be able to present Israel nicely if I’ll ever move out of here, more Creepypasta for me! *Grins fiendishly*

This Thursday my family and I are going for a vacation in Italy.
I have no interest in going to that place, I mean, I just came back from Hungary six days ago! I don’t want to leave home!
Soon it’d be actually a week, but that’s only because of the time.
I don’t want to leave Israel, at least not now; I just had that experience that I don’t really want to experience again!
This coming year, if there will be a similar thing like we had in Hungary, then it’s supposed to be in England! We’re also supposed to be three days or so in London, which will probably include the things that I’ve already done with my dad, and the rare chance for Ghost Town or Fearless Vampire Killers (I have them open in tabs so that’s what I could’ve think about!) will be there, and that’s it, that’s the much of excitement that I can get, and guess what? I’d rather sit at home, suffering through the sickening heat, the hormones, and all the other unplanned shit that I’m going to get when time will come, but I know for sure that I have no need to go there anytime soon.

Okay, around two hours ago, on my recommendation area of YouTube’s homepage, I got an interview with Andy Biersack and it started with “What’s Andy’s opinion about..” and because of the time I was like “ISRAEL?!?!” but then I hovered with my mouth and saw “My Chemical Romance split”, which is so last year! (I enjoy using out-of-date slang, from some reason, the older slang just brings me pleasure, it’s just unused pearls of brilliancy that nobody uses!)

Too bad, I really like hearing people’s opinion about it, I enjoy more when they aren’t brainwashed and have a rather logical and not-one-sided point of view, considering what the Hamas really wants to do, look poor (they actually want children’s and women’s bodies, it makes them look poor and that Israel is unfair) and kill Israeli Civilians at any cost, while Israel just isn’t good enough at explanations, because we have from one side show you how tough it is, but not freak out the civilians.

Totally out of topic, but at night, I usually think about all of my mistakes, all the things made me feel like shit, whether it was shame, guilt, anything, and it just sucks, because I just think about all the bad things about me (more than what I usually do) and I just think “I’m shy, I’m stupid, I’m annoying, I’m upsetting, I’m depressing, I’m a burden for my surroundings,  I might just as well kill myself and do them a favour for once” and I don’t enjoy feeling this way, from some reason, I guess that it’s just the amount of vowels, (chuckles from amusement that this is what I’m doing to ease myself) there are forty two, which is the answer for life, and I assume that such words shouldn’t be my life’s meaning…. Awkward.

Okay, it’s probably just me, but occasionally when I see a person dies, I think that “that’s why people should have at least two kids, because if one dies in some way, the second one can promise your genetic future!” and then it makes me think that it’s probably why I shouldn’t be a parent, because I’m to awful.

I have no reason to live now, do I? I don’t have a future, I should stop existing as the only thing that I do to destroy everybody, I actually hate myself for who I am, and I’m just putting my hope that these are just the damn puberty, even though that I can never know.
Oh well, at least I have hope!
I just got cheered up by stupidity!

It’s not one am yet.
I’m such a time-waster.

I guess I’m going to bed earlier than expected, tomorrow I’m supposed to do nothing, but on  Wednessday there’s supposed to be a last Cabaria meeting, the final one, a breakfast celebration in one of the guy’s house.
I don’t feel like going but I promised, and I just need to say goodbye to them, they weren’t like my class that I didn’t trust from the first day, I trusted the Cabarians, too bad that I lost even the trust in them.
Oh well, we all know the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, and here’s a thing that I hope that wouldn’t happen again, since “What doesn’t kill you probably will at the second attempt”.
It was a Spongebob Squarepants quote made by Mr. Krabs.

Okay, I’m in a good and weird mood, I’m listening to Zero Zero and try to make something fucked up of it.
I have nothing.
The most I can do with the word zero is to change the meaning from how it was used in the song and transfer it, because two years ago, at the previous anti-terror-anti-Hamas war, we were told to not answer phone numbers with certain numbers, there was one that had zeroes as it’s numbers.
I wish now that somebody will invent an app for calling to somebody and having the ability to change the number.
It’d be so much better if I’ll call somebody with it straight after he sent the usual chain message on Whatsapp with the alarming “DO NOT ANSWER…” It’s probably the greatest evil thing to do, just imagine the hyperventilating kids, from twenty kids with panic attacks to two hundred; it would have been so funny if it existed.

Now it makes me think if it actually existed and a couple of teenagers getting a good laugh from it! If it was so I found the best youth group in Israel!

Oh, I was told to go to sleep, at one am!