For me, I see certain things, but differently from most people, I'm okay with it.
It's really uncomfortable and awkward and gets me through different levels of anxiety and plenty of emotions that are numbed so I can barely feel them.
....
Oh fuck.
I despise skirts and dresses, and I'm going to perform a dance wearing a shirt and a skirt.
White plain shirt and black plain skirt.
Anxiety fills me up.
I dread that moment.
I want to die.
I seriously want to stop it all...
This torment is awful.
I feel like everybody is glaring at me, and it's because they actually do!
Anxiety isn't healthy for me.
.....
You know what's the best part of me?
I have the ability to wear my casual oversized clothing (I feel that people are staring at me all the time and I just like hiding in it's coziness and warmth.) and to look apathetic.
It's slightly depressing, considering that I'm a part of the next generation.
At least we know that the next generation wouldn't be made of bimbos and junkies alone, we have some weird kids.
Currently, I'm wearing my new lovely pullover; dark aqua coloured cotton.
And I wear a new bandana, a white one, with a black-grey-white checkered pattern; I picked this one because I wanted something that wouldn't look to poppy.
Let me tell you something funny about the youth here.
They smoke. A lot; and some of them has tattoos, which is quite weird, I mean, I haven't expected it.
The best is that some of them wear fake earlobe stretched wheels, I spot a torn earlobe when I see one.
I can see torn objects pretty easily, as long as they're physical; I am incapable of telling whether the person's soul is torn or not.
Oh fuck! Am I a Tumblr depression blog writer person?! I seriously hope that I'm not.
I really hope that I'm not a master-depresser, because if I am, then please tell me, because I'd hate to make you feel bad only because you read my life.
It's funny that I think that I matter.
I'm nobody, not like the amazing Mr. Nobody from the movie, or John Nobody from the asylum CP.
I'm nobody, thinking about it, I never mattered much; after thinking that delightful thought, I think that it's better to move on.
I love the bells of the town hall here.
It's beautiful.
Too bad that I'm numb and that I want to go home.
I like the fact that this pullover makes me feel safe.
I smell it, and suddenly I'm okay, everything is okay.
Yet, there's anxiety that takes over me from time to time.
I'd like to go back home.
It's only the fourth (day) and I still feel this way.
We are staying until the thirteenth.
Or something like this.
I think that on the fourteenth or something were home, because the flight is really late, so it's or 12-13 or 13-14.
I just want to go back home.
I came back from Hungarian dancing, I noticed the similarity between Hungarian dancing to Yemenite dancing.
It was lovely.
Sadly, I still want to go back home, even though that the weather here is amazing.
I like this coldness.
It's like living in the frozen area of nihilumbra.
I wish I could've stayed.
I'm "home" now.
I'm looking on the scar on my right calf.
It's weird.
From all of my self harm scars, this one is the boldest.
It's sad that my life revolves around destroying myself and everything else is just a distraction.
It's sad that I think this way.
But it's good that I can't feel anything, so no sadness for me!
It's actually nice that I think this way; optimism is great.
I think I'm going to read things that will make me regret being who I am and they might wake up Godzilla; Godzilla is the name of the destructive behaviour promoting voice that I grew.
Anyway, while my friends take the pills to prevent panic attacks, and others set reminders for taking their ones to keep them focused because of their ADHD, or ADD.
I'm quite healthy in compression. Who would've thought?
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