I feel shitty, it's probably because of school, it makes feel this way.
All the kids there aren't making me comfortable, and so far, the worst is that I see Yali. Everyday. Near my face. Talking with her super-annoying voice. [Many would disagree, but each time that I hear her voice, I have so much shame and anger in me, and I want to hurt her, ruthlessly, just damage her permanently, so she could have the tiniest bit of idea, of what's going on now, for quite a while, which is painful, it's like I'm carrying Kein's mark on my forehead, inviting others to boo me.]
And walking... With everyone who used to be a very good friend of mine... Leading my new friends to like her... And the worst? Some of them know what she have done.
That's the worst.
There's a question, that I just answered, the question was "If you had to kill yourself, how would you do it?" the nickname is "KillMe" and the person behind it claims that it doesn't want to commit suicide [ we asked him].
My honest answer was deleted, but I'm going to write it here.
"I would be happy to tell you that I would do it in an artistic, special, interesting, or a weird way.
But no, most changes are that I'd cut myself numeral cuts in attractive areas, and a pill cocktail, and then I'd fall asleep, and hope that I won't wake up."
Now the emos and the mentally ill are waking up, around an hour earlier than the attention whores.
I listen to music, and I'm going to talk, because... That's what we do in blogs, aren't we?
I have this feeling that I'm nothing special... Much.
I mean, big deal, gifted, yeah right.
Self harm, obvious attention whore is obvious.
Planning to self harm, the Kaban and you will become friends at eighteen.
Not succeeding in school, a failure to be that will probably commit suicide at twenty four.
I'm sorry guys, I just have nothing, I don't know how or why to prepare for tests, but I got 73 in my last math test, I haven't recieved it yet, I remember that I was wrong at one question for sure, and there were some questions that I wasn't sure about, but... It's just... Disappointing.
Like it wasn't enough that I almost cried last night, everything just had to come crashing down.
I'm going back to my unhealthy binge and emotional eating at the afternoon.
I feel anxiety about going to pretty much... Everywhere.
I constantly think about returning to self harm.
I want to ditch everyday, all day, just to not be this way anymore.
I'd rather get the homework and make it and arrive to school once a week, but just to not return there.
I guess I've had seventeen days too many, and I'm probably unfit for such tasks.
Or not, maybe it's puberty.
If I'd continue with it, I'd ask my mother if I can skip school this day.
I just felt utterly shitty in the last couple of days, and it fucking sucks. Which is nothing out of the ordinary, thanks to plenty of other tweens and teens in the world.
Okay, earlier I thought I was going to cry this night and cut myself.
I know now that I don't.
Crying is unacceptable.
I just wonder... What will happen now? Will I skip school? Will I go and see Gal? [so far, it's the only thing that I can come up with, that might solve the problem. What problem? I don't know, but I know that she's the answer for the question that I haven't figured out yet!] Will I cut? Will I cry?
All it seems like now, is a big blur, and my emotional overeating and binges.
And that makes me feel awful, both physically and mentally.
Good night guys, I hope that as I presumed, this year would be a happy year.
Wait... It's Friday!
I got time, so why won't we check what I did last year?
I complained about religion, figured out that the white room screamo would never be recognised.
I watched Jennifer's Body.
I said that I want to donate my hair, and I did! So that's good! Right?
Oh! And I updated to iOS 7 at the time!
How weird! Now I got iOS 8, and I know, many people say that it's not recommended for the 4Ss phones to be upgraded, but hell, I'm not going to be left out until iOS 9!
Oh, and the son of Assad with his facebook post!
I wonder now what he has to say about the current situation in the middle east...
Other than that, my post was plain.
I wonder how things could have been, if...
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I feel a bit... You know... I'll better go watch a movie before it gets worse.
Good night.
I suggest you watch some of the newer Rawdi Kun videos.
And I need to find the story that this artist wrote with her characters, Kohara [and Kuro!] and Edgar and Cecil are fascinating!
http://ko-yamii.deviantart.com/art/Mama-329621005
That's the link to "Mama" which pretty much gives you the outer information about Kohara, and I love it!
I have plenty of thoughts now, but it'll spoil the amazing work of Ko Yamii, so no.
All the kids there aren't making me comfortable, and so far, the worst is that I see Yali. Everyday. Near my face. Talking with her super-annoying voice. [Many would disagree, but each time that I hear her voice, I have so much shame and anger in me, and I want to hurt her, ruthlessly, just damage her permanently, so she could have the tiniest bit of idea, of what's going on now, for quite a while, which is painful, it's like I'm carrying Kein's mark on my forehead, inviting others to boo me.]
And walking... With everyone who used to be a very good friend of mine... Leading my new friends to like her... And the worst? Some of them know what she have done.
That's the worst.
There's a question, that I just answered, the question was "If you had to kill yourself, how would you do it?" the nickname is "KillMe" and the person behind it claims that it doesn't want to commit suicide [ we asked him].
My honest answer was deleted, but I'm going to write it here.
"I would be happy to tell you that I would do it in an artistic, special, interesting, or a weird way.
But no, most changes are that I'd cut myself numeral cuts in attractive areas, and a pill cocktail, and then I'd fall asleep, and hope that I won't wake up."
Now the emos and the mentally ill are waking up, around an hour earlier than the attention whores.
I listen to music, and I'm going to talk, because... That's what we do in blogs, aren't we?
I have this feeling that I'm nothing special... Much.
I mean, big deal, gifted, yeah right.
Self harm, obvious attention whore is obvious.
Planning to self harm, the Kaban and you will become friends at eighteen.
Not succeeding in school, a failure to be that will probably commit suicide at twenty four.
I'm sorry guys, I just have nothing, I don't know how or why to prepare for tests, but I got 73 in my last math test, I haven't recieved it yet, I remember that I was wrong at one question for sure, and there were some questions that I wasn't sure about, but... It's just... Disappointing.
Like it wasn't enough that I almost cried last night, everything just had to come crashing down.
I'm going back to my unhealthy binge and emotional eating at the afternoon.
I feel anxiety about going to pretty much... Everywhere.
I constantly think about returning to self harm.
I want to ditch everyday, all day, just to not be this way anymore.
I'd rather get the homework and make it and arrive to school once a week, but just to not return there.
I guess I've had seventeen days too many, and I'm probably unfit for such tasks.
Or not, maybe it's puberty.
If I'd continue with it, I'd ask my mother if I can skip school this day.
I just felt utterly shitty in the last couple of days, and it fucking sucks. Which is nothing out of the ordinary, thanks to plenty of other tweens and teens in the world.
Okay, earlier I thought I was going to cry this night and cut myself.
I know now that I don't.
Crying is unacceptable.
I just wonder... What will happen now? Will I skip school? Will I go and see Gal? [so far, it's the only thing that I can come up with, that might solve the problem. What problem? I don't know, but I know that she's the answer for the question that I haven't figured out yet!] Will I cut? Will I cry?
All it seems like now, is a big blur, and my emotional overeating and binges.
And that makes me feel awful, both physically and mentally.
Good night guys, I hope that as I presumed, this year would be a happy year.
Wait... It's Friday!
I got time, so why won't we check what I did last year?
I complained about religion, figured out that the white room screamo would never be recognised.
I watched Jennifer's Body.
I said that I want to donate my hair, and I did! So that's good! Right?
Oh! And I updated to iOS 7 at the time!
How weird! Now I got iOS 8, and I know, many people say that it's not recommended for the 4Ss phones to be upgraded, but hell, I'm not going to be left out until iOS 9!
Oh, and the son of Assad with his facebook post!
I wonder now what he has to say about the current situation in the middle east...
Other than that, my post was plain.
I wonder how things could have been, if...
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I feel a bit... You know... I'll better go watch a movie before it gets worse.
Good night.
I suggest you watch some of the newer Rawdi Kun videos.
And I need to find the story that this artist wrote with her characters, Kohara [and Kuro!] and Edgar and Cecil are fascinating!
http://ko-yamii.deviantart.com/art/Mama-329621005
That's the link to "Mama" which pretty much gives you the outer information about Kohara, and I love it!
I have plenty of thoughts now, but it'll spoil the amazing work of Ko Yamii, so no.
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