Sleeping's good.

I'm writing with my sister's laptop, it's really weird.
It's a lot bigger and my hands are used to a smaller keyboard.
I'm listening to Circles of Hollywood Undead.

I would like to tell you something.
I didn't remember that sleeping can be that beautiful.
I was a bit tired at about two or three pm, and I fell asleep, after I woke up, wow.
I felt so good, there was hope for a better place to be in.
I didn't know that there's another thing that can give me this feeling, I knew that pets [especially cats] that fall asleep on you and rely on you makes me feel this way, but sleeping is better, it's available.
I'm probably going to use it at times.
Well, until my mother would yell at me that I'm not allowed to go to sleep because that's what depressed people do.
I have no problem with this thing, I understand that they do it, but I am not depressed, I'm not in denial either, but I do have a problem with her reaction.
I want to sleep, but I won't because that's what depressed people do? It would be awful to be around my mother when I'd be [if I'd be] depressed.
She sounds like having a depressed child is something she won't accept, ever.
Even when it's simple hormonal issue that guess what? Many have, especially during puberty, and the fact that my body is getting a bit crazy because of the hormones that I do take.

Oh, I was stipsing around [I'm making it a verb, the dictionaries should stop resisting] and I found someone that I can relate to very well.
The person who asked it says that he has a really good friend, she's perfect in his eyes, and he hurts her, he doesn't want to hurt her, but he does, and he hates himself for it, he can sense when she's lying to him and says that she's fine, he thinks he's a bad person for it.
I know it sounds hypocritical and stupid, but he sounds a pretty damn good person.
Dude, you are amazing, you tell her all these great things about her, you're trying, and frankly, it's not your fault that she cannot understand it.

He tells her all that great things about her, and she thinks he's joking, I understand both sides.
From his side, it's frustrating, she can't understand that he's being honest and he can't see her blaming herself and being unable to believe that she's not that bad.
From her side, I do get it, I feel so pathetic when people compliment me, because I'm that bad and I look so emotionally fragile to them that I need people falsely compliment me so I won't start crying and hating myself and what not.

I said "emotionally fragile" because I'm quite strong, not intimidating [5'2 is everything but intimidating] I hate being called sensitive,

I'm a lot alike him, but I'm nothing like him when it comes to thinking about others being sad.
He regrets it, I actually feel somewhat helpless and because of it I chose to detach myself, I have no whatsoever the ability to do anything.
Maybe because when I feel sad all I can do is waste time until it passes, maybe cut, but it's just a distraction anyway, it doesn't really matter because it takes no time until it gets fixed.

I've cut because I hated myself and felt I deserve it.
Did it help? Maybe, I don't know, but I stopped because I have no reason to, I've accepted it that I am who I am, it's some cycle and it's okay, kind of it.

Okay, since my computer is probably dead, and my hard disk is erased, I keep some on the images I already put up here, I keep only one self harm image, because it amuses me.

It's when I put tape and it got all weird, I like this image.
It actually was better when I put tape, because now I have a bit of glue left on my skin and I can't really fix it.


This post is short because I have nothing better to do, I'm going to bed, watch some movies, go to sleep...
You know... Living and stuff.