Well, well, well...
What do we got here?
Oh, I know what it is!
A liar.
Daniela noticed those stupid cuts on my wrists [they look darker through the day and they just don't seem to get rid of that purple hue!] and asked me what they are.
I came up with my so-called well-thought lie, "My watch, I slept on it and it did it."
Her [quite startling and shocking at the moment] response was "Really? It looks like you've cut your wrists!?"
I stuck to the lie.
At least it wasn't as cheesy as the cat from the parking lot.
I just hope she'll consider it to be true, that I never cut.
A glint of hope was in me as she removed her watch and said that she's feeling something too.
Now, if I didn't said that the watch did it to me, she'd probably didn't do it, I hope that her mind unconsciously believes that in some manner it is possible and she felt it too just by thinking about it.
I've phrased it wrong but I hope you can understand.
The day was awkward, sure, the things that made it more suspicious and weird were my thoughts.
Tal G. the teacher, well, this lesson we spoke about death [how lovely] and about something incredible named "The Work" of Byron Katie.
Let me tell you, it is indeed wonderful.
It's a shame that I can't do it always, from the simple reason that I can't point my finger on why the fuck I got these stupid chemical imbalances.
All I can say right now is that puberty corrupted me or that I got just the right combination of statistics and genes [my father's side is just basically born anxious and with panic disorders, my cousin was misdiagnosed as asthmatic but she just had damn panic attacks.]
Or... [hold on tight to your seat as it may shake your world!]... It's just another psychosomatic affect of reading too much about '08 emos and goths.
After ram, I went to school, for the practise, Irena allowed me to join the ninth graders so I won't have to wait thirty five minutes for the next one.
She thought I'm being anxious because I was with them, I assured her I'm not.
You see pals, that's why I hate telling people my problems, they start to worry and behave differently with you.
I also met...
Oh I've just didn't end what I wanted to say about the teacher!
He said something that his psychologist said, you see, I wasn't surprised by the fact that he goes to one, actually, it's strangely normal and better for him, but the thing that did was that he said the same name of my psychologist.
Odd, isn't it?
It drives me crazy because in Israel it's not very talked about among people and hell, maybe a bit of a taboo, but I don't know, isn't it a bit weird.
I just feel like I'm letting too much information slip through.
I just hope that soon I'd be in that hypo-manic or any-other-name-you-can-give-it-thing.
My father have purchased a new phone, LG something.
Pretty big and pretty cool.
I might get this version or the lite version [which is basically a lower quality camera or something] when my phone will drop dead.
So far, I'm going to stick with my little one, iPhone 4S, this buddy was with me through so much.
Starting at my first day in New York City, through treatments, relapses, disordered eating, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, "romance", music taste changes, interests, the beginning of school years, hospitalisation, new treatments, illnesses, medications, everything.
I can say the same about you guys, you are here for so long!
Tomorrow's Friday, and I'm going to fucking enjoy it.
We got a period of literature which is easy and all you got to do is read it quickly and just relax or read other things, then we got this thing that I'd leave unnamed, and it usually ends up with a political forum.
Then two periods of physical education, hopefully not the damn gym, we got a fucking gym, while most girls use the treadmill and the elliptical, I know exactly what I like, the stair that you basically press one foot down and raise the other and repeat.
It burns me a hundred in no time.
I hope we'd have football, I love it!
I don't really want to play volleyball because I'm a good catcher sometimes, but only sometimes.
And on the final period, we got Hebrew which got even better since the class is a lot quieter because some of the "cool kids" are gone.
The teacher actually teaches calmly and sweetly.
I love her, she uses slang so often that I find it adorable.
Tomorrow we also got this awesome no-uniform thing.
I personally think it would be a lot nicer if our school uniforms were buttoned shirts.
Why?
Because buttoned shirts look a lot tidier and more formal than these stupid regular shirts.
And because I'm a big fan of collars.
The collars of the shirts are so fucking nice!
And do I even need to mention the option of collar decorations and ties?!
If we anyway need to stand up when the teacher comes in to show respect and create a formal division from recess to the lesson, shouldn't we wear formal clothing?!
Well fuckers, I think I'm going to go to bed.
What do we got here?
Oh, I know what it is!
A liar.
Daniela noticed those stupid cuts on my wrists [they look darker through the day and they just don't seem to get rid of that purple hue!] and asked me what they are.
I came up with my so-called well-thought lie, "My watch, I slept on it and it did it."
Her [quite startling and shocking at the moment] response was "Really? It looks like you've cut your wrists!?"
I stuck to the lie.
At least it wasn't as cheesy as the cat from the parking lot.
I just hope she'll consider it to be true, that I never cut.
A glint of hope was in me as she removed her watch and said that she's feeling something too.
Now, if I didn't said that the watch did it to me, she'd probably didn't do it, I hope that her mind unconsciously believes that in some manner it is possible and she felt it too just by thinking about it.
I've phrased it wrong but I hope you can understand.
The day was awkward, sure, the things that made it more suspicious and weird were my thoughts.
Tal G. the teacher, well, this lesson we spoke about death [how lovely] and about something incredible named "The Work" of Byron Katie.
Let me tell you, it is indeed wonderful.
It's a shame that I can't do it always, from the simple reason that I can't point my finger on why the fuck I got these stupid chemical imbalances.
All I can say right now is that puberty corrupted me or that I got just the right combination of statistics and genes [my father's side is just basically born anxious and with panic disorders, my cousin was misdiagnosed as asthmatic but she just had damn panic attacks.]
Or... [hold on tight to your seat as it may shake your world!]... It's just another psychosomatic affect of reading too much about '08 emos and goths.
After ram, I went to school, for the practise, Irena allowed me to join the ninth graders so I won't have to wait thirty five minutes for the next one.
She thought I'm being anxious because I was with them, I assured her I'm not.
You see pals, that's why I hate telling people my problems, they start to worry and behave differently with you.
I also met...
Oh I've just didn't end what I wanted to say about the teacher!
He said something that his psychologist said, you see, I wasn't surprised by the fact that he goes to one, actually, it's strangely normal and better for him, but the thing that did was that he said the same name of my psychologist.
Odd, isn't it?
It drives me crazy because in Israel it's not very talked about among people and hell, maybe a bit of a taboo, but I don't know, isn't it a bit weird.
I just feel like I'm letting too much information slip through.
I just hope that soon I'd be in that hypo-manic or any-other-name-you-can-give-it-thing.
My father have purchased a new phone, LG something.
Pretty big and pretty cool.
I might get this version or the lite version [which is basically a lower quality camera or something] when my phone will drop dead.
So far, I'm going to stick with my little one, iPhone 4S, this buddy was with me through so much.
Starting at my first day in New York City, through treatments, relapses, disordered eating, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, "romance", music taste changes, interests, the beginning of school years, hospitalisation, new treatments, illnesses, medications, everything.
I can say the same about you guys, you are here for so long!
Tomorrow's Friday, and I'm going to fucking enjoy it.
We got a period of literature which is easy and all you got to do is read it quickly and just relax or read other things, then we got this thing that I'd leave unnamed, and it usually ends up with a political forum.
Then two periods of physical education, hopefully not the damn gym, we got a fucking gym, while most girls use the treadmill and the elliptical, I know exactly what I like, the stair that you basically press one foot down and raise the other and repeat.
It burns me a hundred in no time.
I hope we'd have football, I love it!
I don't really want to play volleyball because I'm a good catcher sometimes, but only sometimes.
And on the final period, we got Hebrew which got even better since the class is a lot quieter because some of the "cool kids" are gone.
The teacher actually teaches calmly and sweetly.
I love her, she uses slang so often that I find it adorable.
Tomorrow we also got this awesome no-uniform thing.
I personally think it would be a lot nicer if our school uniforms were buttoned shirts.
Why?
Because buttoned shirts look a lot tidier and more formal than these stupid regular shirts.
And because I'm a big fan of collars.
The collars of the shirts are so fucking nice!
And do I even need to mention the option of collar decorations and ties?!
If we anyway need to stand up when the teacher comes in to show respect and create a formal division from recess to the lesson, shouldn't we wear formal clothing?!
Well fuckers, I think I'm going to go to bed.
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