Sunday, November 9, 2014

Medications and Moods.

I don't know if I should or shouldn't take the Valerian drops, my dad thinks it'll help, and if that won't help, then a sleeping or relaxation medication will.
I don't think it's a good idea to mess up with my body that much.
But I'll give it a try, the weird-lack-of-sleep affects me more than I'd like.
Instead of pleasantly napping all day long, I'm exhausted and feel like I'm about to pass out after three hundred meters.
With feeling like I'm about to die, or at the very least, puke, pass out and fall into my own vomit, and then choke on it.
I was also almost dropped my head in the middle of maths.
And my whole mood is shitty.
I stayed in bed for ninety minutes since I woke up, simply because I didn't want to commit to the idea that I'm actually a functioning human being.

I didn't want to go to school today, but I didn't want to stay at home even more.
My mother is always yelling at me that shalvata will take me back [which seems a bit nicer each time she raises her voice.]
I'd rather go to school and feel like I'm about to break every moment and cry [which happens right now] and then my "mask" is strong enough to distract me, even though I get very anxious and only people who'd try to spot anxiety in someone or guess what I'm feeling would notice.
Yael occasionally asks me if I'm al-right.
Sometimes I do feel bad at the time, but sometimes, not as often as good or normal I feel when she asks me it.
I'm usually in that I-can't-really-know-if-I-even-feel mood which is pretty good.
No emotion whatsoever means no sadness.

Well, after taking some weird passion fruit and Valerian [and some B6 or B1 or both with it] capsule, the only difference is that my fingers smell of it.
I'm soon going to be heading to bed and taking my usual vitamin B mix.
At least I'm not back to my anti-allergy medication.
Then it would be crazy.
And B12 as well.
And gladly shalvata didn't prescribed me Prisma [I got hooked to calling it Prisma instead of Prozac, because it's the name of the brand in Israel.]


Well, I'm tired, I hope I'd get a full-night sleep or at least a good one.

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