FAIL.

 I wish that someone would end me.

I didn't sleep well last night. 

Managed to fall at about twelve, woke up for about thirty minutes at two, and woke up again at five. 

I'm awake since. 

I have a very strong need in pain right now. 

Physical pain that even if I won't feel, I'd see. 

I hate myself, I don't remember containing that much hatred, there's something pure about it which makes me melt and be confused. 

I just have hurt too many for too long, and it must be stopped. 

I'm anxious all the damn time, I hate myself, I disappoint and hurt every single person in my short lifetime. 

Maybe I'll try today. 

I'm helpless, the medication isn't working and I'm basically hopeless for quite a while. 

I guess that the rope is going to hug me tightly tonight. 

I'm about to cry, but I mustn't ruin their mood. 

I've told Yael, she wasn't surprised because of the depression and she cared for five minutes. 

It's nice to know that when I'd die, it wouldn't matter. 

Soothing, isn't it?

You know what I find to be funny?
The fact that I'm surrounded by masochistic lying fools.
I hurt them, physically, mentally and emotionally.
And they still stick with me, probably out of pity.
They lie, that I don't hurt them at all, which is bullshit.
And they don't even bother to understand how much of a bad influence I am.

I just need to be alone, for a very long while.


Sadly, one of my closer online friends told me that we'd need to cut the relationship for quite a while.
Why?
Sexual tension.



I'm alive.