If I weren't me, who would I be?

Okay, I'm sorry for not posting, but you know why.
I'm in hell.
The open wi-fi hours in hell are minimal.

I came here to talk about a very important topic.
My mother wants me to prepare for my upcoming Maths test.
You see, I never prepared or practised for tests.
Considering my grades [69, 72] it would be a legitimate request if I was preparing and practising lightly before it, but nope.
I'm not made for this stupid bullshit.
I won't prepare and practise.
I'd rather finish junior high with medium grades and a straight and strong backbone than excellence without any bit of backbone.


Okay, after many hours, pinching that led into marks that I can see even now [about nine hours later], some talking, crying, sleeping and reading, I'm here.
I want an avatar.
A virtual world to live within.
You see, I'm fascinated by the idea of not being who I am, that lousy piece of shit person.
If I weren't me, who would I be?
Perhaps a person who is honest, lovely, something that I want so desperately to be. Dead.
Maybe I should make a list.
What I need to be.