I'm a whore.

Another sleepless night.

I'll try to fall asleep, but I can't do anything to foolproof the method. 

I got a Hebrew exam on the third and fourth period. 

I really don't feel like doing anything at fucking all today. 

After failing on my math exam and my teacher's refusal of putting me into A or B, I'm stuck where I don't belong, at AA. 

In case it isn't clear B<A<AA. 

It sucks, I'm an embarrassment. 

Almost everybody else got a higher grade, most of them got nineties. 

I feel like I'm going to fail at every single thing I'll do. 

Why won't I?

I miss school too many times [over hundred absences of periods] I never study, I'm too fucking anxious to do anything in front of the class and I almost burst in tears if I have to say something out loud and get heat flashes, I don't get to sleep often enough to function properly, my body basically breaks asunder at every physical education period, I hunt for trouble, just in order to torture me more and more, that is the only "logical" explanation for my actions.  

I'm listening to Kings of Medicine, I guess I'll go next for some Fearless Vampire Killers songs. 

I don't like the time, three thirteen am, I gave up on attempting to fall asleep at one thirty. 

It's crazy, all I do now is what I always did to mask myself, behave in some childish and rawly honest. 

I find the honesty wonderful, it's a lot easier, but the childish that is simply not me, not-so wonderful. 

I'm going to try again.


I didn't sleep.
This morning I received some bad news.
I have missed forty percent of the practises.
Basically, if you miss a third of the practises you're out.
Well, your loser may be kicked out.

Hey, it's bad again. 

I need to set a date. 

I need to end myself. 

What will I do? Jump? Stab? Drink? Choke? What will it be?

I have made it quite clear that I don't deserve to live, and all I do is bring harm. 

Finally, I need to get rid of everything. 

Everybody hates me, like they should, and I need to end this. 

I am a failure and the only depressing thing about it is that I'm still alive. 

I cling onto this awesome life even though that I can't enjoy something that doesn't belong to me. 

It's my fault, everything that happens is somehow my fault, even if it's completely nonsense it's my fucking fault. 

My "friends" are ignoring me. 

Such a surprise, who wouldn't want to stick around with a bitter asshole?

Nobody cares and it would be truly better if I weren't here. 

I'm so selfish, always thinking about myself. 

Another reason why it would be better if I weren't alive. 

Everybody hates every second they are with me and they'd obviously rather to live without me, and I just should do the sindle nice thing I can do for them. 

Kill myself. 

I've already noticed the drop of the views, I'm glad that you start hating me too, I'm. A boring piece of shit, all woe an misery, I should fucking end it. 

I'm sorry for the rant. 

I talked to Sapir earlier, I asked her if she knows the feelings that I've listed, she said she didn't but this "curse" is named depression.  

The psychiatrist prescribed another pill and she thinks about increasing my forty into fifty. 

My rather frisky side found a potential master, currently will be called as a lover or a fuckbuddy. 

He's quite large for our age and his head is so beautiful, just makes you want to suck it and feel it filling you up to the brim!

The lover himself is quite a looker with a killer body, makes me to lick him all over tha place, he even called me a slave. 

He slowly starts to understand how to e a master, and if our plan would flow correctly, I'll be sucking him and maybe having anal with him tomorrow.

Yes, the submissive whore is throwing herself over her master, how shocking. 

But, if you'd see him and his abilities,  you'd probably want him too. 

Today I made him pop a boner, I just soaked my knickers. 

And I did now, I sexted him, he says he likes my body, and I can't wait for the moment he'll use me. 

He sent me a picture of his beautiful cock and he had precum, I just want to take him out of school and fuck him silly. 

His delicious dick abusing every hole I own. 

I hope he'll let me suck him and maybe even steal a passionate kiss. 

He's into spanking my butt, I hope he's do it hard and painful. 

I'm going to enjoy him tomorrow, I got science period with him and we usually  talk, dirtly, and I try to make him have an erection so I'd manage to see the concealed penis pushing against the fabric. 

He makes my mouth water, I really hope I'd get him buried deep in my throat tomorrow