Hatred fifty one.

I really hate breakfasts now.

Why? Because I have to be awake at certain hours. 

Oh, oops, I scratched a bit too well the area where I can wrap my fingers around my thigh. 

A bit over a third. 

I'm going to eat breakfast and do my usual day routine. 

Play sims, listen to podcasts or songs, maybe catch up with the news, read my book, maybe bake cookies, but I might as well make scones, even though that I think I lost the recipe.

I'm a really shitty person, I want to climb up to the bed, continue my self-loathing list and maybe sleep.

I couldn't fall asleep.
I was brought back to the livingroom, only to be criticised for every single thing I do and guess what?
Hospitalisation seems better with every passing day.
I think I might try again today.
I can't go on, it's truly better if I weren't here, everybody will have easy life and I won't be here at all.
They'd all go and grow beautifully, while my remains decay underground.

I mustn't stay for long.


I'm reconsidering selling myself.
Become a target, allow people to offend me freely, to add to the undying fire of hatred.

Not only that I've hurt everyone who was with me, I managed to even make my failure and stupidity more visible. 

I failed on my math test. 

51.

Yes, fifty one. 

And I thought I was doing well. 

I guess it doesn't really matter, I plan on dying. 

I got no purpose, I'm a shitty person, I can't even properly inflict damage upon my body, I might as well end everything. 

I don't want to go to school tomorrow, everyone is going to laugh at me, call me stupid, mention that my grades are getting lower and lower [that thing fucking happened!], hear the teachers being disappointed with my place at their AA classroom. 

I'm dumb as a shoe. 

My IQ is probably a negative one thirty, I'm so stupid that I made it to a fucking negative. 

I want to die so badly, but the fact that my breathing tortures me, makes it somewhat bearable. 

The closest thing to a punishment.  

Even the "ultimate price" isn't enough for what I shall suffer. 

I wish you well, I guess that's the nicest thing I did all day. 

Hell, in the past month.