Anger

I love Monster & Robot.

So, today could be worse... much worse.
So I woke up at 5 am and I was tired, though I slept again and woke at 7.
So me, bbbff, Y, and D -the connection to pokemon- to Ben Gurion's house in Tel-Aviv, with other school and people.
It was okay, I wasn't dumb as I thought I would be.
So after it I went to surf, and the beach was full with seaweed so this guy named Ky called me seaweed and to Maya he called spider man.
It was fun.

Now I'm home, sitting.
Breathing, preparing for Sunday.
What will I feel?
I don't know.
I hope I won't laugh.
I almost laughed when she said it;s her.
I guess it's the irony.
Or it's a relief.
But I almost laughed.
Would I pretend to cry?
My mom said it's better to cry.

And here's why.
If I won't overdo the feeling I don't feel, they all be "Dvash! forgive her!" because she'll be the poor one crying...
And I would be the same me, tough.

I'm just this way from the rejection, in preschool, if I'd became friend with those baby-whores army, or a part of it, I wouldn't be the one who I am today.
I won't read those book.
I won't have the same mind.
I  could be the people I hate now.

I remember clearly why they rejected me.
I have dark skin.
Or just simply, I'm black.
And they all white.
I have almost black eyes, that on the sunset look like flame.
I have dark skin, like all the white girls want to have.
I have black curly hair, one that jump freely, that would listen to me, because I love him.

Because of them, I came complete.
But look what they've came.
They have a girl, that is somehow, like me.
They have a wrist-cutter in their group.
I wonder who.
They all look like they are the queens of the stupid enough to believe they are.

So who have the black wings in their group?

And why I can't see halos, or auras?
And how I can see shadow people.
I remember when I was younger, a year after my granddad died, I always felt that, like ghosts are coming, and communicating with me.
But they wasn't dark, not at all.
They was bright, pretty people.
In colors.
Where they are?
I need to try to see them again.
Well I'll search for it and in hour or two I'll keep writing.


So I will not find any way to see them.
And I hope I will see them when I'm ready.
I need someone to talk with.
Someone I can talk about, someone who knows everything, and yet, nothing.
Like those special old ones, like the one that daily dressed like those lolitas because this was to common dress code then.
Like Romy and Rayne, just like them.
But I;m different...
I don't have an ancient boyfriend that saved me and also my soulmate...
And I don't have another soulmate that my boyfriend interputted that what nature will do.
And I don't have two twins that are witches.

But hey!


I want to die.
Seriously.
My sister hid my seaweed and she pretended that she can't get up so I did it, and she fell over.
I feel stupid.
I think I should take something with anger management thing.

It's stress.
At least I hope it is.
If not...
I guess I am a maniac, a crazy person.
And in times like this...
You know what I'll do.

By the way this thing I'll do, I have a solution.
Instead of harming myself this way.
I take a rubber band, and just pluck it when I feel like it.
If I had balls to punch at, I would, but since I'm a female, I don't own one.

We (one of the G's, another guy, Yali, and I) have a science project together.
They finished it without me.
I want to be part of it, and this BITCH picked the dates that I can't, so I'm dead.
I don't want to ever see her face again.
I'm lucky that school year is about to leave.

Goodbye, I feel stupid and lucky.
Goodbye guys, hello Charles.


Berries, survivors.
I hope you'll make it.