I just saw Amanda Todd's video because I wrote a post named Bullies.
And the mix of touching stories and I means dry cry.
So I also wrote this story (again) there.
I made today this "energy" bracelet.
It supposed to be with 2 gems, but the second one always fell of.
So I'm with white special bracelet that have a pink gem (rose quartz) tied in brown leather.
I like it.
It;s beautiful.
I need to find a way to wear the orange-yellow one.
Because it have sharp ends, it's a problem, and the shape is even harder.
I hope I'll figure it out.
Since I believing it, I think I need for sure to keep it with me.
The problem with this gem, is that she breaks, very easily.
So I need to try harder.
I'm going to try again.
Okay, I'm back again.
After I've succeed with the gem, I lost the bracelet.
I feel so angry right now.
Like fire melting all the ice in my lungs and now waves of hate coming outside.
I hate this day.
I lost a bracelet, that gives me hope, my faith.
I'm angry from other reasons...
but they not matter.
The only good part of it, it's that I'll make better and stronger bracelet.
at least 7 gemstones.
One for each chakra.
So guys, I'm extra scared because of this site http://www.chakraenergy.com/seven.html.
Look that I need to open chakras, or at least make them stronger.
And my wish is to lose this sadness, and depression and of course, away as possible from self-harm.
Here is a song that the lyrics actually speak like they know exactly what is going in here.
Here is the first verse and the chorus.
Copied from azlyrics.
No regret for the confidence betrayedNo more hiding in shadow'Cause I won't wait for the debt to be repaidTime has come for you
Victimized, victimized, never again victimizedVictimized, victimized, never again victimized
And this is like I feel, like a victim.
Like a deer that somehow stayed alive when all his pack ran away, left him to die in the lions teeth.
"No regret for the confidence betrayed" I'm not regretting, it's not the freshest, but sweet revenge is staying sweet always.
"No more hiding in shadow" Imagine the times that I tried to avoid any social meeting as possible, afraid from this fire of insults.
"Cause I won't wait for the debt to be repaid" tomorrow is the day of life change.
"Time has come for you" not only once, as twice. All the other parents want that mine will talk with the police.
I'll see and I'll know.
Even Maya ds (that tomorrow going to germany!) want that I'll record Yali's apologize, she said she thinks she never heard Yali apologizes.
Imagine it.
Her majesty need to confess hat she's a complete un-trusted queen.
I remember I wrote a kid story, with information that every teenager could relate.
It's about cruel kingdom without any lips (the lips was taken away by god and devil because it's too cruel), that but all the fourth kings and queens are representing 4 kids, two girl, two boys, that are crueler then this kingdom.
In the kingdom there are prince and princess.
The princess took away, and the prince charming needs to save her, eventually he meets her in gates of hell, and they get lips, exactly when they coming to kiss, they fade away.
Her majesty should die.
Viva la resistance.
It's something that one of the G's says a lot.
I imagine myself, as a poor female from the lowest class, the ones who doesn't deserve even to clean the horse of the driver of the king.
That low.
And I want to win the hell I'm in from this queen.
And here is the rise of the village and the fall of the kings.
So, what shall I say.
My heart is bleeding from the inside.
I wonder if now my lungs are red.
Tomorrow is few hours from here.
The apology, will be after the clock ring 11am.
This is the crash of her.
Not only the preparation of it, the will to find the pitiful words in our language.
The will to say it, and make the name of the girl who is stronger then diamonds clean.
Make the girl who is more then you, satisfied.
I now know.
I am the queen.
She is the poor slave.
And viva la resistance is her words.
Against me.
Am I a monster?
Am I a monster?
Am I cruel?
Am I snobby?
I'm a monster.
And this monster will never fade away.
Because.
This monster is part of me.
Or this monster will, but time will not give me option.
If I could I would cough louder to get whatever I want (too much reading!)
I need to be cleared away.
Staying like me but better, less stupid, less cruel, less childish, less worse.
But I'm just passing time, passing all the between the highlights and the drop-downs that I'll pass on, those that will write my book of life.
And you are just the kind readers.
That should get a heart, fixed one, that heals itself.
With endless options.
So believe me,
I'm here to save you.
To show you that eveything awful shown two options, one is to get better, and the other to the worst as possible, and from the worst it will get better, and if not, it's not the worst.
The voice, the lyrics.
Those feeling in it.
Those feelings that passing from the recording, into my bleeding heart, that passes through my red lungs, to damage the holes so they'll could heal themselves, bigger holes, faster healing.
Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.
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