Stuck

I fucking can't stand it.
Everyday I seat down in my chair, passing the time, counting the seconds that left from my world, that suddenly started crumbling, the walls breaking and cracking, the celling is falling, all the windows shattered.
Look at me, I feel like nothing but a fool.
Everyday, who is acting like dumbass and getting all the attention, Yali.
Who suffer at the side, staring like nothing in front of me, like I'm staring at the eyes of a human in the other edge of the world.

I understand that most of humans that walking, breathing, and living on this world don't give a shit about you, without sympathy.
And I understand that most of my class like this.
But, they saw me, they saw that I didn't smiled.
They saw me tearing apart, falling to pieces.
They saw it.
But they didn't care.
Or didn't understood.
And maybe, just both.

But I'd at least ask for you to be on my side.
All of them believe that the scared little girl that was to ashamed to apologize is the angel.
I'm not saying I never did sin, but I'm supposed to be the angel in the story.
So yes, I am tough, this came from no choice, or this, or death.
I picked tough.
And that they I've was away, not from a choice, because they didn't gave me it.
I'm not an easy story.
But for my class they won't listen, too busy to talk their mega awesome friends, and go to many awesome party, and have much more awesomeness that I don't have space in their tiny boring lives.

If at least once they've felt what I've felt.
Oh, it would've change everything.
Too much things that it's better that's only me.


Imagine how would I drive insane if everyone was a lot like me.
I would have to say.
Ich.
Seriously I'll get sick of it.

 I'm in the gray zone (I would say twilight zone if I knew what it means) just between black and white.
I have an awful communication problem with Gal, serious hole.
I want her to be with me.
I'm too shy to ask her and make it happen.
I asked her when we'll go to the mall, she said she'll call me.
It's one of the top ten lies in her dictionary, she never calls or answers.
And I'm sitting aside, feeling unwanted.
I always think that she's with someone popular and I'm so underground, that it might be danger for her highness.
And I know she's confused because it's not how a real friend acts.
But what shall I do when one Maya in Germany and now the other in Eilat.
And this is really means all alone for me.

Not even one close one true friend in a radios of 1000 miles.
How sick is that?
I know that if I wasn't shy and reconnect with the other girls I'll be in a better state.
But since I didn't done effort to make it happen, I'm stuck.

Finally I'm really just making time go away as fast as possible.
I'm not enjoying anymore.
I'm away from my friends.
And I don't have any way to harm or feel.
All I feel is need for depression, and sadness, and depression because I'm not enough depressed to feel joy from good news.
So from how long it is, it has became to my natural mood.


How much pain can be in someone, as I know, a lot.
And everytime he get to the limit, it goes higher, and higher, and then, BAM, new highscore.
Your limit got higher, waiting to break and past it's line again.


I wonder if one day, someone will want the blogger site name, and he'll check who took it, he'll be intreted and start to read this story, then after he'll change the site name, his first post will have a little mantion of me, the girl with the weird story and the blogsite name I wanted.

Well, just a song that even came popular right now, I kind of like.

"Just give me a reason, just a little bit enough..."

Pink aren't that bad.


Soon and coming closer, school ending, you can feel the summer, smell the burning scent of salt water of the sea, to become red from the jellyfish venom, do everything, because it's the time to drown with yourself and entire new society, one that you'd like.

And all the other classes who gradurated yearrs before us, cried when they left school.
I won't, thank god!
I'm tired from the stupidity, that I'd probably meet again in middle school, but for now, I'll mingle with others.
Thanks for the special grade for everyone who got in from the area.
The ones who proof their smart vs. sports skill.


I do have much more to say, but since I have other blogs, and bedtime, goodbye.

"We can be kicking high heel leather boots!"

Baby bee.

And for last, a video of mine.
I made a short sneakpeak for animation of, not else but zombieboy!

Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.