Worst outing ever

For me Faebook is mostly for evil.
But one thing is good about it.
My theories.
Like, I know why Andy (yet I have no idea what the name of the rest, it's confusing!) reminds me someone.
A fifth grader who have exactly the head (including face and hair) of him but he's just blond.
And I like this guy from one reason, and he hates me because of it.
When I met him, I didn\t knew what's his name Nisha or Misha.
So I called him Nisha-Misha, and then I made it longer Nisha-Misha-Pisha-Lisha-Kisha.
And then added the weirs AWWW in the end.
In no time two of my enemies (MB and BBBFF) started this wordgame with me (when they still were my friends) and since my nickname is Doosha (my dad calls me Doosh, and one time Ms. Bephs called me Doosh and I asked her how did she knew and she said she didn't it just came out, and since then everyone calls me Dosha, or from my crush and his friend Dvashit -it's really cute!-).
So it turned to be Doosha-Moosha-Loosha-Koosha-Poosha-awww.

I even didn't notice that I'm hearing Hunter of 30 Seconds To Mars.
And god, I forgot about it!
Movie Night.

Warning:
The following content will be influenced by hormones of tween girl, please avoid and see a doctor if you see it as a normal thing to be this way.


I still need to sit with/on-next-to him.
Well, I won't be able to do a thing until it starts.
Goddammit I'm so fucking excited!
I want an entreating horror movie.
So I could have chills running in my spine, making me lean a bit on him.

I should clear my head.

Holy fuck!
Do you  know like the scary guys in the weird white outfits (I think it's related to racisam, but I have no idea), well imagine the outfits in black, now put it in rock video clip, you've got in the In The End of Black Veil Brides.

Guy is know I'm weird and everything, but is it that bad that the only thing I do in this clip is to laugh?
And think that it's Justin Bieber (because all the people from North America look exactly the same to me).
Do you know that war-paint or as I call it makeup trademarks, giving to him tan lines (it's really funny).


Fuck my life, and fuck my parents.
How  do they expect me to have normal teenage life when they make it so hard.
And the part when they wonder why I'm not normal and why I'm like this, it's just the cherry on top.
So may my shitty life and I go on.

So, I've got some money, and now I'm hearing Youth & Whiskey.
Whiskey reminds me cats and russians.
I like russians, the men are mostly built and drunk.
And the girls, sexy as fuck.


Escondido, I really like them, it's kind of a band that aren't that famous, but I like Black Roses.


So, about in a half hour, they start to come, And I'll sit next to them happy.


FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK.
Seriously?!
Right now, I mean, RIGHT NOW HE CAN'T COME?
Eye inflammation?
For real?


Well, now it's afer the movie.
I'm kind of glad that it didn't came, it was horrible.
I just want to see him again.
I want to come to his house.
I've been in the building only one time, and it was because I helped MB to give him his birthday gift because they were a "couple".
I want to come as a friend.
For once, I'd like to have some good memories.


Tomorrow I'm going to the acdemy/university, and start the computer shit. 

I'm going to be with people who finished 7th-9th grade. 

I lied about my age to get in there. 

I hate to lie about my age to people (not including people who sell tickets in the movies). 

I miss people. 

I just want the pure good people around me. 

Not garbage kids with a mouth full of bullshit. 

People who hve my language of "fuck" and "shit" every second line. 

I just want to fall asleep. 

But I can't. 

Too many thoughts. 

About death, about time, about love, about respect, about next year, about everything. 

Sometimes I feel like exploding. 

That if I won't quit, pieces of my body will be thrown to everywhere. 

And blood will cover everything. 

I have quite creative ideas to kill people, or suicide, or punish human beings. 

I think that Nokia phones can kill somebody with the right technique. 

And using my fathers swords and daggers collection is an avilable option. 

And to be connected to a megaphone who screams what you did is the best way to punish a human (I would punish MB "I almost killed the girl that I pretended that I'm her best friend" that's humiliation, but nothing close to my -real- kind of humiliation.)

You made me hate my own reflection

Question every choice I make

So I could try to be perfect

But I won't try to be fake

This thing I copied from the song "Who Are You Now" of Sleeping With Sirens 

You know guys, I'm so hurt from it that I can't let it go. 

I trusted her. 

I gave her everything but she turned to be a cheat (another Sleeping With Sirens song "If You Can't Hang"). 

At least I met another girl -Maya D- and I gave her everything and she did the same to me. 

But, I helped her with love, I made her do things that deep inside she prayed for. 

I did everything. 

I became everything for her. 

And she, she killed me. 

And she, she knows what she have done to me.

I wonder why she kept lying to me, she knew that she is the main reason that I did it to me. 

She knows. 

And how people love her. 

Look at her "best friend" torn apart, crying at nights, earned no trust. 

And they all expect me to forget about it.  

As it was a little accident. 

But they forget that even deadly car crashes called accidents. 

But she succeed, she did make me hate my reflection in the mirror, to think twice about everything I do, if i should eat it or if I should to wear that. 

And she did make me to be addicted to the unavailable, unbelievable and dangerously stupid thing to try to be skinny, I've learned that tactic, be the skinniest and claim your fat. 

You know the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more,

because everything new distracts the old.

How couldn't I notice it in besitos?

I think that's why. 

To distract the old -that still here- pain of the girl that never existed, I've made new one. 

But it's worth, now there's two pains. 

I think that the worst part was when they thought that I wanted to kill myself. 

I always wanted to finish the pain. 

But I refuse to be that stupid.  

Dying is never the option, unless its or you to die or that the whole planet is (Gemma!). 

I wonder how much does it takes. 

How much can people actually go. 

To harm and strike and destroy somebody. 

And how much that somebody's are stupid. 

There's such a thing to ignore. 

To shut down an account. 

To laugh along until they sick that you don't get hurt anymore. 

If you're not doing it, they don't want it. 

It's just not the same for them. 

And believe me it does help. 

First ignore a lot, and then you can fight back from time to time. 

I did it since I was 3, it came all the way with me for almost 10 years, and look, I'm still alive. 

From a bitch, to another, to a killer as a decoy to her real plan. 

And then thrower like a soccer ball from a jerk to a slut to a whore to a dick and back to the slut because she fucked him last night. 

Well in tired. 

See you tomorrow. 

Berries, survivors,

I'll hope you'll make it.