Tomorrow is the first day.
Tomorrow I'm going to sweat my ass off.
Tomorrow I'd understand what is the minimum amount of food I can eat without the "I'm a zombie" look.
Tomorrow I'll buy some energy drinks.
Probably whatever I'd find in a decent price.
Tomorrow I'd learn how to hide things.
Tomorrow it's a big word.
So today, I've done few things.
Went for grocery shopping (boo).
Got waxed (ouch).
Bought school shirts (2 greens, 1 grey, 3 whites).
Got watercolor pencils (it's working pretty good).
Got 3 square small mirrors (nice, I can get one to the locker).
Got memo colorful notes (I don't know how to respond to that).
Got a bus card (I don't know how to call it, it's like a credit card, for busses)
And the highlight of the day!
I drank my first smoothie ever.
I picked one with my favorite kind of healthy food.
And it's not that hard to guess.
It was berries.
I picked mango, strawberry, and forest berries mix.
Since I ate meat 2 hours before the drink, I took I with orange base instead of milk.
It was delicous.
I'd like to make myself those things in the future, it's healthier than chocolate and popcorn (they sell those near the cinema), and it's like a double food, it's also a meal, and a drink, it's a win-win food!
So, tomorrow it all starts.
I already counted it, its 278 days of school (not including holidays, it's like if holidays wouldn't exist), and it'll be the same for 3 years.
I wonder I would be able to open my locker.
Probably I won't, it's hard.
Though I have nice password, it's easy to remember, but enough confusing, just like my phone number.
I think I'm turning to be the kin of a girl that just getting attention like every other kid, and don't like it.
I used to get all of the attention, now, barely, sometimes he ignores me.
It's like, unfair, it feels like I don't have parents, only guiders that just won't let me do some things.
Oh, just not daddy issues, I don't need another thing, if I'll get something like that, I'm officially a reality show material.
I feel like a baby.
Stupid baby.
I can't believe that I'm like those kids, that just, upset with everything they stopped getting, spoiled brat, that's what I am.
Now I'm enjoying from a terrible problem, over eating, emotional eating, comforter food.
However, I know I'll gain weight, be depressed and whine a bit, then, I'll eat again, as comfort, hate myself, and over, and over, it's like, circle of life with food.
Am I ready for tomorrow?
Nope, not at all.
It can be a bad sign, or a good sign.
But in situations like that, I tend to see the bright side.
Unknowing can be so fun, exciting!
It's like walking, and never knowing where you're going, you know you'll get somewhere, eventually, just don't sure how, why, and who'll you meet.
It's probably the meeting thing, the more I meet, the better it is.
Just a nice guy friend will do the work.
Imagine the ideal guy friend, and the ideal girl friend.
I'm neither.
But hey, it's the thing, I'm special.
You'd probably find me playing video games, but like Sonic, or Plants vs. Zombies, and sometimes Nihilumbra.
Though, you'd always see me with nail polish, never pink (I just say I'm allergic to that color, in every shade of it), probably dark colors.
You'd won't hear me listening to love song, and if you will, punch me (slapping can hurt, ask everyone that asked me to do that to them), wake me up from the illusion I'll sink in.
You'd won't hear me talking much, and if I will, it's probably because I ate too much sugar/ drank too much caffeine/ didn't ate enough.
You know, I have a sign of trust, when I feel comfortable enough, to just lie on a sofa, and raise my legs on somebody's lap, for comfort, I know I trust them, care about them, love them.
It's like those stupid teenage girl magazines bullshit, the only difference, that I have different ways, like if we're really close, you can look at my art, and even get on my bed (I never let people do that, afraid that they'll find something).
And you know, it's weird, it's like I have a sign list, if the relationship work or won't, it's the same with guys an girls.
If most of time we just don't talk, I smile shy, and both of us rather to do something else, it's bad, and there is no reason to keep going.
If we make each other laugh, and not focusing muh on the activity were doing, it's a miracle.
If we just do like normal people, it's depends, if s/he will be like flowy, and we'll do other thing, it giving us the options I mentioned before to check, if not, it's not meant to be.
It's easy, if I'll write it one day (Zap Book it's pretty much the cover name of poison book), I'll write it in my new notebook, so, I guess it'll be interesting.
Well, what should I do? I'm nervous...
Do you even imagine that after 7 years, in the same routine, same place, same hours, same people, it's changing?
I'm going to a new school, different hours, new people, different routine, another place!
It's weird, I've got so used to the exact same thing, that I'm surprised by the fact it's changing.
Oh well, another one of my weirdnesses.
I know few kids there, from public events, of course, I hate them, so popular, and listening to pop (it's like the things you think you've got used to, that you're friends hearing this kind. Music, but you never actually used to it and got over it), and well, stupid, athletic, white, skinny, being girly.
I can't find there nerds, I mean, with who I'll become friends? I hate people who care only about sports, they just not passionate about it, you can be passionate to everything, just, they aren't.
I love people with weird things, special.
As normal as they seem from far, the crazier they actually are.
I'd like to meet many people, you already know my special meeting tour, just taking pictures who actually inspire me, and I find interning.
So yes, I won't be dying to meet celebrities, they are hard to reach, far from talking, and obviously, not interesting as much as people you just passed on the street.
I'd like to meet the animator of Spider-Man instead of the actor, because trust me, shaping objects, moving them perfectly, rendering them, and putting them flawlessly on the movie, is much harder than facial expressions, lines, and choreography.
And I believe that the script writer of the dictator, or of avatar (it's actually an author, but you get the idea), than meeting the clothing designers (though it's hard), imagine how many ideas they've scraped, and how many they have more.
It was deep.
Like the ocean.
Wow, I think that I'm probably not the most worried girl for tomorrow.
It's like, just another school day, in a different place.
You know some, you hate some, just like every other day.
Just you have uniform.
And forced to do like everybody else.
By the way forced, I believe that right now I'm in that annoying teenager stage of "rebel against" it's annoying, it's like a period mood, you just nervous, upset, loud, and, against everything, it sucks.
I fucking hate it (look, against being against, isn't it fairly awful), I'm getting upset about every fucking thing I won't get, and I hate everything, I want to just destroy everything.
But with my past (if you can call two years "past") the only thing I would ruin, is myself.
I just want to fall asleep and dream, and then remember the dream, I'd like to fly away and remember the traveling.
So, lets jut relax, chill for a moment, and enjoy the view while drinking/eating/drinking+eating something, and embrace every part of our damn personality (I just love how I have like two personalities in me, I'm in a relationship with myself).
Have a nice day, and I hope you won't get any terrible song on the radio, I've heard already a rap song about sex on Hebrew, and guess what I felt, ANYTHING BUT JOY.
And I've heard about two times Whistle (Flor Rida) because my brother like this song.
I just played my music, and put the iPhone speakers next to my ear.
Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.
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