The 18th of September

I don't cry.
I just, can't.
I avoid doing it when I'm think I'm about to.
Even sad stuff is hard for me.
It's hard to cry.
Let's face it, not everybody can cry easily.


Oh god, my brother, is a bit obsessed with One Direction.
I want to cry.
Everytime that it's on the radio, he keeps playing it.
It's awful.
And the fact that every evening, around 9 pm, every channel plays 2013 pop, Kesha, Taylor Swift, One Direction.
My sister and I beg to put something we will all enjoy, like Elvis, or The Beatles.
But no....
We must suffer.


I hate the new pop, it's becoming less voices, more edited tunes, minimal clothes, billions of sensual moves, nothing, just naked bore.
And if you'll cut the boredrom, it will be beautiful.


So...

I'm bored, I started drawing, but I'm really stuck with the faces, now, the most annoying problem is the nose, the shape and the shading is impossible!
By now I did a monster, a face, and stuff I can't remember.


I really hate now my family right now, seriously.
They haven't brought the iPhone charger cable, I did.
So, they all using mine!
It's so irresponsible, and I'm suffering!
I found a way to get internet, and they try to steal it!
I brought my own one and only charger, and they destroy it and using it!
Why am I suffering from being smart and responsible?!
It's so unfair!
I even can't have my own property to be mine.
That's why I want to move out.
That's why I can't wait to get out of here!
I hate this place!
Too bad Ii'm not believing at suicide...
If I would...
You'd know that what will happen.

I hate my life, nothing so far went through the way I planned.
Not even close.
And trust me that I know that this is how life works.
But come on?
A bit of good karma will help!

You know what?
Each time that something bad happened, I thought that it meant that it's the worst, and I can only get better.
I was so wrong...
And the guts feeling of "something really bad is about to happen" I had before school, was true.
I really want to just for a very klong while, I'll be truely happy, I already forgot how happiness feels, and it's awful.


I'm getting really tired of Big Time Rush, my sister adore them, and I can't stand watching the four dudes with that episode with those 3 girls that wear leatherpants and pink.
I hate leatherpants, they are always looking weird, extremly expensive, too tight, and ugly as fuck, I just can't stand it, if you murder a beast, you need to make it quite more useful then stupid pants, jackets, are better, they protect from tons of things, and looks really funny when people wear them.
And pink, oh pink, is the worst color ever.


You know how much I hate religion...
So a holiday and I aren't going well together...
I really can't stand stupid religion.
I'm forced to celebrate.
When I'll be able to move the fuck out, I won't have a full part in my religion, it's extra light jewish for me.
And guess what?
I would like that.


You know, only if I could freeze myself when I'll be 22, just the body the same, and eternity for my own, watching everyone getting old, and I'll meet so many people.
That's the fun of immortality.
Not the stupid things you must take/have to live (it sounds exhausting), not the stupid love stories (unrealistic expectations), nothing of them, just the time, spend doing everything, dying your hair to rainbow, reading every book in the library, learning...


It sounds beautiful to me...
To live forever.
And if not forever, a few centuries in the same age and body.
It sounds incredible.



It's funny that before the beginning of the year, I was sure I'll have tons of friends, I had stupid irrational hope.
And now?
Nobody.
I don't find it bad, it's quite good.
Nobody actually knows, nobody actaually cares.
I can just go somewhere, just dissappear, and that's it, nobody will actually ask why.


I just wonder if it's normal, if other people are like me.
Actually there are plenty of people like me.
But, is there somebody in the universe that exactly like my situation?
I doubt that.
Like, how is it possible that the same kind of evilness exist in another place, precise amount of stupidity.

I just hope there isn't, nobody should suffer...


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.