As I said on Extras, I finished reached last night at 1:30 am, it took me about four and a half hours or so, and I was amazed, and bored.
I feel that everything those days, are meant to scare me or to depress me.
A father that was "mentally healthy" by what the psychatrist said, murdered his children, and than killed himself.
I just wonder, why?
Kill her, the mother, but what have the children done?
You know, Gandi said "be the change you want to see", and Stalin (I love him) said "men are the reason for all the problems in the world, no men no problem", and when you combine them both, it pretty much says that if you kill yourself, you'll start with solving all of the problems.
I just heard once that somebody said what ghandi said, and then I thought about Stalin (and Marliyn Monroe, but forget it), and just I came up with this bizzare idea.
I just never understood.
Why the children?
It's not that they done anything wrong, they are not old enough to hurt others.
Innocence young humans.
I just feel that I'm ignored.
And lately I understood, that so far, in my life, I was
But I guess that some people are just meant to be this way, and there's no way that the world will be fair (I understood that because of Reached), and some people will suffer, some won't.
And guess what?
I won't get what I want, and I'll have to live with that.
Soon, we will kind of celebrate (or not, I assume it's too sad for celebrating), the fact that I was stupid enough to tear my skin apart, and just pass metallic razors through it.
Wow, I can't find the first post when I showed you those ugly scratches.
I'm not a fighter.
Nor a hero.
And for sure, nothing that people can admire.
I'm a sheep, that is white, but wanted to be the black sheep, to be different.
I'm just like everybody else.
Just like everybody else, but I'm a bit worse.
Today, at some point, the voice that wants me dead (I need to find him a name), told me that I don't need any of this anymore, that I should go upstairs and jump.
As you can see, I'm alive.
At the end of the post I'll tell his name, it will be easy to remember.
Adrian.
Adrian wants me dead.
He says that it doesn't matter anymore, nobody ever cared about me anyway, so I can die, and go to my beautiful heavenly world with him.
Claudio.
Claudio wants me skinny.
I almost never hearing to him, he's very quite anyway, but he always make me feel guilty, he reminds me how skinny I was, convincing me to let him help, but I won't let him.
Arlyne.
Arlyne wants me young, playful, cheery.
Everytime she makes me go hyper, she takes over, smiling, letting me be free and happy, taking away all the pain, and making me happy for a while, Ayrlin is good to me.
Rubin.
Rubin wants me to battle.
He is telling me I'm invincible, nothing can hurt me, like a guradian, he's obssesed with fighting, always to win, to be right, believing in justice.
Blaine.
Blaine wants me mature.
He says that logical thinking is the best, nothing can go wrong with being right, he stops me from doing risky things, even the slightest ones.
Ashley.
Ahley wants me free.
She's kind of a rebel when it comes to it, won't do what people expect her to do, can't be controlled, she wants to escape and express herself.
I'm having my own personality, but I can't describe it.
I have 6 people in me.
I can tell you now, each one is talking in here.
If you read closely enough, you can see the difference.
You can tell who is talking.
I just need that the days will past faster, to go in minutes, that I won't remember, because there's nothing to remember.
I can't stand it, sitting in school, and finishing too quickly, but not saying a thing, I used to finish it so quickly and check it multiple times even faster, that my teachers told me to not give the test when I finish, so the other kids won't panic.
I found it unfair, if you can do it, show them, tell them that they can do more, you won't let others stay back and not give them the option to use their potential, while they can, only because the others can't.
I guess that being smart is wrong, and forbidden in our society.
It's not very polite to deny presents on a birthday, so why would they do it to our brainy gifts?!
Who would do that?!
Maybe I'm insane to them, but it's the only thing that make sense, as said "god gives nuts to the ones without teeth", so why would we let it stay that way?!
Give the nuts to the teeth, they'll feed you later!
How strange is that, to use anti-depression medications.
It's so stupid, it won't make you happy, it will make you numb.
At least you get a feeling from sadness.
It's stupid, it's not happy pills!
It will never ever take you to wonderland!
I guess I'm done with it.
So done.
But I'm staying alive.
After all, I have a world to explore.
Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.
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