To meet a faker like her...

Am I the only one that is addicted to putting unicorn horns, on pretty much... Everything?
On Spore, I maid a unicorn cilivication, I made also a duck nation (with a unicorn horn, I called it uniduck, or ducorn), and a dinosaur nation (inpired by T-rex, and again, with a unicorn horn, T-horn or Uni-rex), I really like the idea of unicorn horns, it looks weird, but it's mostly funny and cute.

I drew a drifloon today, I just have plenty of free time now.
And made some Welcome To The Black Parade stencil, and I figured out that the British guards in the castel, their hat looks like the duster thing.

So, just to show you one of my new interests:

The funny thing is that it was incredibley easy, for the black prade logo, I used tracing, and colored it completly black, and afterwards, created a stencil, drew another stencil for shading to his face, and for coloring it yellow, and the main shadow was the first body stencil.

Fuck you mother.
You will never accept me, will you?
Never ever.
I never was the girl you dreamed of, since that I learned what's the real world is and how mean people can be in it, and that only happened when I was 3, I started to grow up, and grow myself, while you tried to keep me like every other child.
And guess what mother? I never was, and I'll never be that child!
Each day, you keep complaining, about who? About dad, and why is that? You're the one who is married him, and you said you will never divorce, that is very confusing for me, a girl who knows that many married couples divorce after 15, and I know why you are so mad about him, he isn't religous as you are, he's not eating kosher, barely fasting at  Kipur, and you're eating Kosher, fasting, celebrating, and his not always around, most time of the day, he's working, he's the only income, because you, mother, aren't.
And when he's home, it's still new to him those family Friday dinners, and he's traveling, most of time, it's because of his rugby team, or his job (which is making extreme sense), or his car races.
And why, why to do it to us?
Confusing us is depressing as well.


I'm bored, as much as different things that we are forced to do, I'm bored.
Even the blue Zuko dude from Splat! doesn't make me laugh, and the parrot, with his face when I do that thing, even he can't, and so does the way he just flicking his wings without any reason.



I guess I'll just try to find something to draw, I'm out of ideas, no inspiration.
The only thing I can think about is the monster of this goddamn Mortimer (I'll explain), and his epic leveled monster that looks like a black volcano with golden lava in Stitch's shape.

I'm just addicted to Battle Camp, Ferrosmith in the Rockalypse, it's the first event I'm in, and I love it!
That King Gong monster, it always take me few rounds to defeat it, but it's the fun of it, right?
But Mortimer that monster, and his monster!
His so.. Ugh!
Seriously, just imagine the most self centerd, full of himself (that thing I actaully learned on The Immortals), and considering imself to be better than the best of the best.
A fucking Damen on his first immortality centurey.

I just checked out what with that series, and my face when I saw that there is a movie about this book, well, exactly the oppoisite of my William face (it's officialy my I'm-do-fucking-happy face), I was so dissapointed, but still I got to see the cast, I just need to.

You know, I can't find it.

YOUTUBE LIED TO ME.

You have no idea how painful it is, my earrings holes (no jewlery in them right now), and it's starting to get closed again, next week I'm going back home, and I'll open it again, I would do it now, but I can't find alcohol, so I'm stuck now.
It's not my first time reopenning them, I do it once in a while, just to keep them, I bought lately a simple black ones, and I'll wear them all the time, and I want to mak another two holes, one above the other, on my left ear, where's the cartilage is, so I'll do it after a while, I need and want to do, but it's harder than I thought.


Some people say that saying to your parents what you really are (in that case it's mostly including a sexual choice, but I'm talking about religion),  Imagine your Christian child go Satanic (and I find it hillarious, I just don't know why), or your precious Muslim child go Jewish (actually, that's even funnier), or your Jewish goes, ummm... Into a cult or something? But in all fucking three main monotheistis religions, are can pretty much act the same when your child says he's an atheist.
I know that they won't hate me to bone (just a thought, can my mother can hate me and disrespect me even more?), so why am I so afraid?
Am I afraid of myself?
From others?
Tell me, one of my six control-freak selves, why am I so afraid?
What is the worst that will happen?
I'm only twelve, right?
The actually worst that can be is that they'll kick me out, which is hard to believe and the chances are below zero.
And they'll have to accept it.
I have anyway enough forums to talk to people who are (and aren't) like me.
So, why not?
But one thing, I can't do it now, the whole renovation thing is stressful enough to my parents (it's weird that  I care so much about my dad), and that line that I want to say, will definatly won't do any good.
As much as I can argue about plenty of things, for this people invented the internet, right?



People should think a bit more about their lyrics, because that you're dirty and unclean means you should get a bath (cough cough, I just heard New Religion, one of the songs I can't stand on my phone), and seriously, stop with shoving it.

Have you saw me lately shoving something?
No!
Because I can't stand sand and shovels, it always get under my nails.


You know, I really hate the pepole who raise a zoo in their houses, or just people that have a pet spider, pet sname, or a pet lizard, it's stupid, I have plenty of pet spiders, but they are very shy and curious so they travel, but the pet that stays all the time, are my ants!
I don't like those farms, so I let mine be free!
I just made a uniant or antcorn, I just love it!
And I want to get a pet monkey, like the man in the yellow hat (curious George, anyone?), because it's awesome.



Why huamns must be so fake?
And I'm not saying I'm completly true, but still, I can say whatever I want, after all, it's the complaining traddition.
Fuck the groupie girls, and fuck their stupid oh my god (how unbelieveable is that! if you understand) it's fucking (another) new song of XXX(insert a trendy pop star name here)XXX!!! It's so perfect!!!
It's just stupid, I can't stand people like that.
And oh dear, the denying girl, oh god, a four faced monster (spy kids first movies), is more honest and true than her!
I'm sick of "Oh my god, look what MB done, she's such a bitch, I'm not her friend anymore!" when she's with me, and on public "BFFS forevaaa!" mood.

BITCH!
HOW DARE YOU TO REMOVE ME FROM A GROUP ABOUT MY NAME AND MY FACE?!
AND ANOTHER GROUP?!
I WONDER HOW LONG.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THIS WAY?!


How cruel can you be?
In the same old tactic?
It's still not fun, you know, being shot and surviving doesn't makes you bulletproof, you know...
Let's go, with it, just cut all relationship, just be alone, just be free to die, because you know that nobody will care at the end.

Knowing that nothing matters anymore...
I wonder...
What will I do?
Depression routine for life?
The same routine of being numb, so I won't feel, because not feeling is better than crashing...


I don't think that I will be able to take this up again, no way, no way that I'll let that routine to stay for three years!



I'm afraid of the darkness.
Weird.
But after playing slenderman, you can understand.



Being numb means to not feel.
Not feel love.
Not feel hate.
Not feel anger.
Not feel joy.
All of the feelings/emotions I mentioned above, they have one thing that connects them to each other...
Passion.



I know that evolution is true.
From one reason, that can be easily understood, that's what our bilogy teacher told us, when he asked us why we aren't looking exactly like our brothers and our sisters.
We had no answer, we couldn't know.
He said that we're genitacally coppid, but how we turned out to be so different was the real question.
He told us one thing.
That we was fucked up since out beginning.
When the fetus started it's way as a sperm, going towards something bigger, promising, something went fucked, and something changed.
Easy as that.
We got fucked up since birth.
And the only thing you can do now, is to fucking deal with it.
Not because the magical anticorn (my ant unicorn) wanted us to be different, it happened because we are completly fucked up.

I'm not kidding.



Just a tip, NEVER EVER WEAR LONG TROUSERS TO THE BEACH.
I did it today.
And I got so sticky wet from the salty water, I felt awful.
And since I tied my hoodie to my waist, I looked like a tent, a gorgeous black and blue tent.


I'm now traveling through blogs (it's very rare when I find one that I like, and I did found one, one after about a year and almost{!} a half more of searching one), and I just found one that writs "atheists don't bite", all I want to say:
Speak for yourself!
With teeth like mine, why won't I?


Why I can't see people around my age, decide for themselves their religous thoughts?
Can't you decicde for your own something else but how slutty your clothes are, how much your abs will be defines, and who is the new cool trendy thing now?
I just want someone with brain in his skull, one that you can talk to.
And people just can't be this way, aren't they?


I'm about to make a wordpress blog, not like my usual private life in here, more like my thoughts, my explinations, because for once, I need that little piece of mind.
And sadly, the only way that you will be able to read it, it's with Google Translate....
Or that I'll make a translated part...
Or not.


I really start to see how stupid each thing is.




I like music from one thing.
I feel safe with it.
From monsteres in the dark, from real monsters alive, from the divisions, from the fire nation, from xana, from Zapdos....


It's getting late....
I wonder what else I'd find out tonight...

Who knows...



Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.