Cliffhanger

Today, it was a short nice day, and though I planned to watch Suicide Room again, Keren came to my place today, from four something to seven thirty.
It was a bit too much with time, but it was good.
It's nice to know that socially you are not completely alone, and to understand what is actually going on with world (like my argument that Louis from One Direction is not as cute as Nial, it's nice to be a typical teen, super nice, because for a moment, I forgot my troubles, and it happens the same when I write every single shitty thing that never really matter on the Whatsapp group, it's like harmless cutting, finally, a solution that can work a a lot, and it works much better than any other bullshit, because I'm super clingy, and now, I'm trying to let go, but keeping you, my dear readers, near me, and near my heart), I like being still alive.
It's nice to know you are not completely dead in the inside like I am on the weekend, or like the two years before.
So, let's go straight to what happened.

I was late for English.
I hate English.
Because so what if  I like to use more that kind of past then that kind of past?
IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT FUCKING MUCH.
AND DON'T YOU TRY TO BLAME MY ENGLISH FOR NOT BEING RIGHT, BECAUSE I'M DOING WHAT I LIKE DOING, THIS IS SCHOOL, NOT FUCKING PRISON.
But after it, I had science, I like science, it's super cool.
Well, of course it is, I don't even care if I need to write things down or do the homework and do tests, because it's easy for me, and there's experiments, and that's what I like, a lot, we are supposed to do something next lesson, and I can't wait, I love it, last time we used those rocks that create oxygen, and it was so fucking awesome.
I love science.
It's so good, and interesting.
Don't you ever wonder what happens if?
I will defiantly do it, mostly with fire.
Because fire is good.
I want to set a lot of things on fire, because it can be interesting.
What happens if you set an apple on fire, and with watermelon, and piece of concrete, I know it's supposed to crack, but how crack, and bones, bones are cracking as well, like on that episode with that foreseer on that village that Sokka never believed to, so, why not?
Though, most of time I was on my iPhone, and I'll tell you after I'm finishing the day schedule.
Then, Education.
It was fun, because we ate chocolates, those travel mini ones, I ate the 3 musketeers, and milkyway.
And then, some weird women, with a really weird name came in, and told us we need to draw posters against drunk driving, it made me think about a quite amusing story that my teacher told us once, but not now.
Fucking stupid, I know.
But I was paired with another three guys, because the boy that sat next to me wanted to be with them, and I had to follow.
I was okay with it.
It was quite funny.
One car looked like a bee.
I refused to draw.
I don't like drawing things that are pre-decided, mostly when others decide so.

Then, sport, sadly it wasn't those aerobatics shit.
So, we played net ball (volleyball with catching).
We lost, at both rounds.
But we laughed.
And I understood few things.
Like that Luli, is absolutely competitive, so being against her is challenging physically and mentally because you have to believe in yourself, and take it outside (Tamara quote from Awkward), and with her, both, but that's because you have to go with the insults she can slip out accidentally or not, and physically, to satisfy her.
And that playing with a coat is not easy, but necessary to hide scars.
And that dry hands can be very annoying during a game that you need sometime to catch the ball.

Then, English again (seriously, a pain in the ass), and  I just had to suffer through it.
Though that Tal sometimes came around and told me some jokes.
And I set next to Sapir, she got better with English.
Like, really better.
She started watching more tv shows on English.
And we talked.
She also told me she freaked out when she found out that she weighs suddenly 44kg, because of growing up and shit.
She's still small to me, she's really short, and her stomach isn't exactly flat, but she's not fat either.

Then, finally, Arabic.
On that one I sit next to Mia.
She's probably the closest friend I have on my class.
Yes, you can defiantly say "My Bestfriend Mia" like on that bulimic shit online.
We always want to be picked with reading, because we are pretty good, and we help each other when needed.
So, today, the teacher, her name is Haya, or Chaya, depends on her, but the meaning is "alive", our favorite joke is when she's late is "Alive is dead!", because, come on, this is funny.
She tested our reading.
She let many kids, but never to us.
It was exhausting.
Mostly because each kid took 5 minutes to read.
Like, come on, you can be doubtful at some words, because it's the first time, and they are long and confusing, but, it shouldn't take you a minute or two to read Daud, we learned it at the beginning, it's Dal Alif Wow and Dal again.
How fucking hard can it be?
So we spent most of time, just moving our had and sighing.
But it ended quick, so I was relieved.
There's a guy that sits in the table on my left, his sitting on the right chair, so he kind of sits close to me, he laughs with me sometimes, and he's quiet nice, so why not?

Then, I came home, and took a shower, and ate.
I ate extra lycopene, It means a small tomato, and ketchup, not Heinz, I ate around two spoons or Osem.
And schnitzels.

So, then I had guitar.
I got better on that one, I still forget few parts.
But the most I remember because how they sound.
It's good, because I can try to fix myself sometimes without the paper.

Then, I had an hour for myself, and Keren came, I helped her with her homework.
On math, and I texted when she did that one of Moreshset (on Google  Translate it gives me Heritage and Legacy, so whatever you feel like, I personally rather heritage, because it sounds more professional, and legacy, well, it mostly reminds me college movies, with tons of sexual content), and I wrote over 100 messages.

So, we also watched the first episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.
And episode thirteen and fourteen, or Dance moms.
One single thing to say about that.
NOT EVERY FUCKING DETAIL HAVE TO BE SASSY, YOU ARE A FUCKING DANCER/PAGEANT WINNER, YOU WON BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMN ADORABLE SASSINESS.
Seriously, America, people on TV.


So.
What I did with that iPhone of mine?
Just before everything.
I'm wasting my last minutes of being awake and writing to you instead of watching the ending of Misfits, so, yes I care about you enough to tell you, and don't you dare to kill yourself.
By the way, it was a hint.
Because yes!
I WAS GOING ON STIPS AND SEARCHED FOR SUICIDE.
It's horrible.
But it's so fun!
It's all the comments that are there.
And the stories.
And the religion throaters (better name than shovers, shover sounds like a job in cemetery, and by the way religion, you can't even die without a Rabi, you can't fucking die).
And the realist that are fucking hate that bullshit (my favorites, to admit).
And the overly dumb ones, that you actually may need to talk to few people and make a huge brainstorming, only to figure out what they tried to say in their strange form of communicating.

So, I favorited three questions, and let's go with it!

QUESTION NUMBER ONE:

"Suicide without pain - what hurts the less on suicide? Give me tips and not all that why and don't and all that. I just want to kill myself. That way I won't suffer."

Um, great for you, anon with the nickname Dead Soul.
Go fuck you deathness.
But one thing I liked.
It's another anon, nicknames as Natty, if you don't known, it's usually a nickname for Nathan, or Nathanall.
So, here it is!

"Let's admit it that if you wanted to kill yourself you'd already do it it's all the thing that going online that you have problems and you're EMO* and write in some forum that you want to die...
The truth is that I have no problem with death... I think that everyday on this world is a complete waste of time... Not from grief. Or pain..
But the complete waste of time it's because of me... Because my life quality that I live in is not even going for the ankles of that satisfaction of disappearing from life..
The feeling of depression exists because our life aren't meaningful enough..
It's all because of out ego, most of time we are afraid of life because we need to take more responsibility on ourselves...
We need to live how we want to... Not like how we've been told... There's no rules in life because of that fact you can be whatever you want be a prostitute. Be a philosopher... Be a murderer.. Whatever you want... Forget about ethics... Don't confuse yourself with conscience... because nobody have it... Know that we're all the same shit... But know there's consequences for everything... It's all depends about how much you care about yourself and but this is my opinion of life...
There's a chance that we're all connected to Matrix and who kills himself or dies finally sees the real world... And he's not connected anymore to that virtual one... But that's the whole thing... It's you life don't love them and don't hate them... Just live the way you'd feel the best with yourself"

*Bold because he wrote that on English.

CLAPS.
AUDIENCE CHEERS AND CRIES.
HE DESERVES FOR A NOBLE PRIZE.
FOR EVERYTHING.

I love him.
I really wish that if he's not that age that I might live with him, that I find somebody that thinks the same, people that interesting like that, I can listen to them for hours.

And comment number two, for question number one.
She's religious, and dumb, for you, I cut off all those stupid double letters and shit, because I can't write something so stupid, idiotic, and just, ugh.


So sorry, I have to write it for tomorrow, it's because my annoying mom.
I'm sorry.
So so so sorry.
Well, at least you have something to look for, don't you?

A cliffhanger.

Well, tomorrow will probably be about my therapy and those comments.

Night.


Berries, Survivors,
I hope you'll make it.