I feel like shit.
I ate a huge chicken breast.
Like it wasn't enough with the forced breakfast.
Now I have to burn it all.
And I don't have much time.
I ate today 663 calories!
But I burnt 173.
So it's like I had 490 calories.
Not good.
Not good at all!
I have to stop doing it to myself.
It just hurts.
Mentally and phisically!
I feel like a failure, and my stomach hurts.
....
I don't believe in luck.
Bad luck or good luck.
Like, it's not something that one day you wake up and have it for a while.
It's a very special form of actions knotted with accidents and other actions.
Creating the situation that will put you on that special ray of sunshine.
It's interesting.
Because, if that little thing won't happen, every little simple detail will be destroyed.
....
I'm going to burn it with in place running, it's so fun to do it while watching tv, I watched today something called Food Addicts.
They have there an anorexic-bulimic, and they have one guy, and there's Camylle, which I like, but I watched only episode.
With the missions, like the blindfold, and the pillows, and stuff.
It was just amazing.
This is what I like to watch.
I recently got more attracted to obesity, overweight, surgeries, cosmetic shit, tons of movies, reality-drama-shit-that-won't-do-any-good-to-me, and everything in between.
....
Today I have a practice.
It will be one hour one, quite sad, but I hope it's a fun one, and when I say fun, I mean something I'm good at and enjoy doing.
I want to run off all the calories I ate.
And more!
I WANT TO RUN FOR A WHOLE MOVIE TIME.
It will burn so much calories!
If I'm going to do it, I'll be so proud!
So my sports schedule is:
200 crunches
5 burpees (I'm planning on doing x*2+5 program where x is the day count, sort of like the crunches, but crunches are just got +20, because I don't remember the starting one).
as long as possible run.
And I have to put my smash book objects in place, so on the weekend I could make it.
I'd be so happy to write in it shit!
I might put post stuff in there!
All I need for it now are the cool papers and stickers.
Maybe more emblishments, but you know, it depends.
Probably a bunch of good job and those teacher kind of shit.
I will be so happy to be proud of myself.
Tommorrow is my favorite day of the week.
Four hours of my favorites.
Two hours of sports, and than two hours of math!
I worship math.
It's like perfection.
I'm also good at it.
It helps me with calories.
....
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I AM.
I burnt 648 calories!
I wished it was more, but I had no time.
And that's enough for me.
Wait.
nede to go and put a coin in my jar.
Each time I'm not giving up, I'm going to put one NIS coin in the jar.
It will be my motivation.
Don't you think it's a good idea?
I decided that Saturday will be my rest day.
So I won't get my back broken like MG.
I'm not a stupid girl.
I'm going to do yoga on my rest day.
....
On My Fitness Pal I'm putting it on 200.
Why?
Well, it helps me with wanting to burn all the calories!
I calculated the day, and guess what?
I ate 856 calories, and burnt 821.
Simple math, for my body, it got only 34 calories for that day.
I consumed food, and took it out as well.
Well, I'm trying to stay binge free, but who knows what will happen?
I ate a huge chicken breast.
Like it wasn't enough with the forced breakfast.
Now I have to burn it all.
And I don't have much time.
I ate today 663 calories!
But I burnt 173.
So it's like I had 490 calories.
Not good.
Not good at all!
I have to stop doing it to myself.
It just hurts.
Mentally and phisically!
I feel like a failure, and my stomach hurts.
....
I don't believe in luck.
Bad luck or good luck.
Like, it's not something that one day you wake up and have it for a while.
It's a very special form of actions knotted with accidents and other actions.
Creating the situation that will put you on that special ray of sunshine.
It's interesting.
Because, if that little thing won't happen, every little simple detail will be destroyed.
....
I'm going to burn it with in place running, it's so fun to do it while watching tv, I watched today something called Food Addicts.
They have there an anorexic-bulimic, and they have one guy, and there's Camylle, which I like, but I watched only episode.
With the missions, like the blindfold, and the pillows, and stuff.
It was just amazing.
This is what I like to watch.
I recently got more attracted to obesity, overweight, surgeries, cosmetic shit, tons of movies, reality-drama-shit-that-won't-do-any-good-to-me, and everything in between.
....
Today I have a practice.
It will be one hour one, quite sad, but I hope it's a fun one, and when I say fun, I mean something I'm good at and enjoy doing.
I want to run off all the calories I ate.
And more!
I WANT TO RUN FOR A WHOLE MOVIE TIME.
It will burn so much calories!
If I'm going to do it, I'll be so proud!
So my sports schedule is:
200 crunches
5 burpees (I'm planning on doing x*2+5 program where x is the day count, sort of like the crunches, but crunches are just got +20, because I don't remember the starting one).
as long as possible run.
And I have to put my smash book objects in place, so on the weekend I could make it.
I'd be so happy to write in it shit!
I might put post stuff in there!
All I need for it now are the cool papers and stickers.
Maybe more emblishments, but you know, it depends.
Probably a bunch of good job and those teacher kind of shit.
I will be so happy to be proud of myself.
Tommorrow is my favorite day of the week.
Four hours of my favorites.
Two hours of sports, and than two hours of math!
I worship math.
It's like perfection.
I'm also good at it.
It helps me with calories.
....
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I AM.
I burnt 648 calories!
I wished it was more, but I had no time.
And that's enough for me.
Wait.
nede to go and put a coin in my jar.
Each time I'm not giving up, I'm going to put one NIS coin in the jar.
It will be my motivation.
Don't you think it's a good idea?
I decided that Saturday will be my rest day.
So I won't get my back broken like MG.
I'm not a stupid girl.
I'm going to do yoga on my rest day.
....
On My Fitness Pal I'm putting it on 200.
Why?
Well, it helps me with wanting to burn all the calories!
I calculated the day, and guess what?
I ate 856 calories, and burnt 821.
Simple math, for my body, it got only 34 calories for that day.
I consumed food, and took it out as well.
Well, I'm trying to stay binge free, but who knows what will happen?
...
I thought I won't be able to do the 200 crunches that were planned for today.
But I did them!!
I did hundred in the shower (I felt so smooth and like I'm glowing after the ninety minutes of jogging), and hundred now, in bed.
When I was in the bathroom, I stood up and put my feet together.
I saw something I didn't see this morning.
With resting legs, there's a bit of space between the thighs.
I'm getting closer to a thigh gap.
I have the body for it.
And lately I put effort to get it.
I want to look good for so many reasons.
Guys, since I ate and excresised like a human should (as mush as the western culture makes it possible), I'm blossoming.
Not kidding.
My sport skills just went over the hill, today Irena told me to come to the high jumps with a bunch of girls.
Do you have a fucking idea how great is it for me?
It's like the incredible joy you feel like that you accomplished the most impossible mission.
I was so happy.
Even that I felt a bit heavy from the food, Irena told me that I had few great jumps.
I'm happy again.
I won't be "cured" from the depression, because now I kind of fear to be without her (now it's a her), it protects me.
The only problems are the carbs that make everything slower.
But I'm burning it all.
....
Since My Fittness Pal made a mistake.
I discovered something so great.
I had -37 cals consumed!
Because it didn't calculate well the cals in the tomato sauce!
I'm so happy.
I put a coin today.
I had a quite productive day.
I had fun.
I also completed making the basics of the smash book!
I sewd elastic rubber to the binder and inserted memo notes and cards.
I need to make something for the pens, pencils, and of course the notebooks.
Probably rubber as well, but it will be hard.
On Saturday, after a good week (though I binged once, an another time I stopped a binge), and I want to make me feel even better, I'm going to give myself a prize.
Manicure.
Of course at home, but a long time passed since I put effort on my nails and hands, and self grooming is an important step of becoming the Barbie doll she always wanted.
I want to be her beautiful model that she'll take pictures of with cute clothes all the time, I want her to help me look the best, I want her to sit with me and will do fun things together.
Her an her pretty Barbie doll.
This is perfect.
Berries, survivors,
I hope you'll make it.
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